Shattered Faces
by LogicallyAbsurd
Summary: Popularity can give you a lot of things. Friends? Sure. Boys? Yeah, maybe. Happiness? Depends.    One girl knows just how true these things hold, but she still can't fully escape her past. Maybe she just needs someone who knows how it feels...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, sorry I'm writing this instead of Bloody Memories, I have the worst case of writer's block right now for that story, and I just got the idea for this story randomly and I wanted to write it down before I forgot. And I just kept writing. Anyway, the MC in this story is kind of a self insert, because of a past experience, haha. There will be self harm in this story, so yeah :/ Sorry for the vague and boring descriptions during certain times, I just couldn't think of anything else (and I wrote this in a few hours after pulling an all-nighter). And yes, I use my friends' names in all my writing, because I'm too lazy to come up with names (and they like the shoutouts).**

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><p>My eyes flew open. They were dry and sore from my tears. I must have cried in my sleep. I'd had one of those dreams again. I took a deep breath, and jumped when my alarm went off next to me. I reached a shaky hand out to silence it. My phone beeped and I got up to check the message.<p>

3 new texts, all asking to hang out after school.

Couldn't people just ask me _at_ school?

It beeped again as I rolled my eyes – someone else asking the same question.

I replied "maybe" to all of them. Maybe some socialization would put me in a better mood.

I dragged my feet into my bathroom, pulling my hair back and washing my face. After I dried it, I stared at myself in the mirror.

I had big, brown eyes with green and gold undertones that were always taking in everything around me; soft, full lips that were naturally a delicate reddish-pink; long, brown hair that I always curled into soft waves cascading down my back; my skin was normally a nice tan color, without me spending a lot of time in the sun – or a tanning salon.

I was probably beautiful, but I'd just recently started to see myself as "not hideous."

Funny how words can change your entire opinion about yourself. I frowned.

I slumped out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, where I opened my closet. I surveyed my clothing options. If only I still had my old Hot Topic wardrobe. I'd ditched it all for Forever 21 and American Eagle gear.

I picked out a violet tank top and white skinny jeans with a black, cropped leather jacket and black flats. My hair had held its waves, so I didn't need to fix them.

I went back into my bathroom and put a small amount of makeup on. I did the smokey eye effect and applied some lip stain to give my lips a slightly purple shade. I spritzed some dark-smelling perfume on and walked out the door after grabbing my keys.

I hopped in my car and drove to school, drowning the silence with music from the radio. A pop song was playing. I didn't pay attention to it, it all sounded the same, anyway.

I pulled into the school parking lot and parked. I stared at myself in the rearview mirror. Time to practice my acting skills. I smiled brightly. I stepped out of the car, and made my way towards my friends' meeting spot. Well, my inner circle of friends. About 10 different people greeted me on my way there, though it wasn't a very long walk at all.

"Hey, J!" Shelby smiled, reaching to hug me.

I hugged her and smiled back. "Hey."

"Hey, girl," Maddie raised her eyebrows, "Where's my hug?"

I laughed and hugged her, too.

The bell rang overhead, and Maddie and I said goodbye to Shelby, and made our way towards Spanish. The day passed by in a blur, with me, for once, not paying attention to anything in particular. I was smart, even though I was popular. I didn't feel like having to become a prostitute or something when I grew up because I'd been too busy texting during class, or talking to some friends instead of doing my homework. I was very proud of my 4.2 GPA.

At lunch I sat at the biggest table in the center of the courtyard; my usual spot. Maddie and Shelby sat on my either side, while all the other "popular" people sat around us.

I was kind of the queen bee at this school, which was rather ironic considering my past. Pretty much everyone was my friend, or wanted to be. Amazingly, the power hadn't gone to my head after all this time, so I wasn't the average, snobby, bitchy, I'm-better-than-you-so-shut-up-or-I'll-kill-your-social-life girls; I was actually a pretty nice person. Don't get me wrong, I could be pretty ruthless when necessary, but that was only sometimes.

I chattered away with random people for a while, then decided I need a break.

"Hey, I'll be right back," I said to the crowd.

"Where're you going?" a few people asked.

"Bathroom," I replied simply.

They nodded and I walked towards the bathroom that was conveniently located out of sight of the cafeteria. I was about to walk in when something stopped me.

"Why don't you just leave? Nobody wants you here, fuckin' emo."

"Yeah, everyone hates you."

The words were so familiar to me. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I wiped it away, and stuck my head around the corner where two jocks were insulting a darkly dressed figure. I gasped when I saw who it was.

It was Alex Hawthorne! I blushed. I probably would've never admitted it, but I kind of had a crush on him.

"Fuck off," he growled.

I looked at the jocks and realized they were Brett Williams and Tyler Wood. Id hung out with those guys before! They were dumb, but they'd seemed nice. Well, people can seem nice and be very far from it. My past had taught me that.

Alex was walking away now, but Brett had grabbed him and thrown him against the wall.

"The fuck'd you say to me?"

"I said, fuck off," Alex enunciated mockingly.

I was surprised he could seem so nonchalant while pinned to a wall by Brett Williams. Brett was a linebacker on the school football team, and he looked like the freaking Hulk compared to Alex. He glared down at him, and drew his fist back. My eyes widened.

"Stop!" I cried, bolting towards them and latching onto Brett's arm.

He glared at me, then recognition dawned in his eyes.

"Jamie?"

"Yes! Now stop it!" I pleaded.

"Why? He's just a loser anyway. Who wants him around being a freak?"

I cringed internally at his words. "He's not a loser or a freak, and you need to leave. _Now," _I hissed, injecting as much venom into my words as possible.

He took a step back. "…Fine, but only 'cause you told us."

He stalked off, Tyler following after him. I heard a cough, and turned. Alex had just spat some blood onto the cement.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" I squeaked, rushing to his side. Well, if he's spitting blood, probably not, genius. He looked at me with an unreadable expression in his gray eyes.

"I'm fine, now you can just go back to your friends," he muttered, wiping the blood from his mouth.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay."

"I said, I'm fine," he started walking away from me.

I had to practically run to keep up with him. Damn being short!

"Hey, I think we both know you're not fine if you're spitting blood, so just cooperate!" I snapped.

He stopped so suddenly I almost crashed into him. "Look," he spun to face me, "I don't care how much money you're getting for talking to me, so just leave me alone. Okay?"

I gaped at him. He thought this was a bet?

"Look," I mocked him, "I don't care if you think this is a joke, I'm still going to talk to you. Okay?"

"Why do you keep bothering me?"

"Why do you keep thinking I'm just another bitch?"

He was silent.

"Here, let me see that," I reached toward the cut on his lip.

He stepped back and looked at me like I was a rabid dog about to maul him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, though I could guess.

"Why are you trying to touch me?" his voice radiated uncertainty.

"…I was trying to look at your cut," I responded.

If I was being honest I kind of just wanted to touch his face. Okay, I really wanted to. I couldn't help it, he was gorgeous. He had shaggy, black hair that fell into his deep, gray eyes. He had surprisingly full lips for a boy, with a lip ring on and a hard-edged jaw that was nicely defined. Like I said, he was gorgeous. I'd accepted that my crush was nothing more than that, though – lust. Honestly, I'd never even talked to him before.

"I said-" he stopped short and sighed, "Fine."

I smiled and reached my hand out tentatively. I gently stroked the soft skin of his lower lip, holding back the urge to kiss him.

"It's not deep," I said, "but you might want to put something on it. How did you cut your lip anyway? I didn't see them hit you."

"That wasn't the start of things when you happened to walk by," he answered darkly.

My hand clenched into a fist. "Those assholes are gonna pay," I growled.

"Calm down, it's just me," he said calmly, "you don't have to pretend to care."

I stared up at him, "Why do you think I'm putting on a façade?" I asked, though I knew the answer.

"'Cause everyone hates me. Simple," he shrugged, with a sad smile.

"I don't hate you."

"Pfft. Yeah," his tone suddenly changed, becoming cold again, "Now what do you want from me, really?"

"Nothing!"

"Alright, then I'll go."

"No! You know what I mean!" I grabbed his arm.

I didn't miss the sharp intake of breath as he jerked his wrist away from me. I was all too familiar with the action.

"Alex?"

"…What?" he snapped.

"Show me your wrist."

"Why?"

"I think we both know why."

He was silent. "I have to go," his voice was detached.

"Alex-"

"Just stop. Go back to your friends and gossip about what a freak I am. Don't worry, I won't judge you," he added mockingly.

With that he strode off. This time, I didn't follow him.

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><p><strong>AN: Ironic how at first I didn't notice this MC guy's name was Alex and the one from my other fanfic's is Alexander :L I think I like that name… Anyway, of course I used the magic of wording to make myself sound pretty :D I apologize for the short chapter, but I just hit a block (a writer's block) right after the last sentence. Also, I'm sure this chapter was very dull and boring except for a few parts, but hey, you could always tell me what **_**you**_** think (;**

**Oh, and if you want Alex's POV just let me know :3  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yes, although I use my friends' first names, I changed the last names; I don't want any psychos following anyone around… I did a slight – only slight – rip-off of the dream in my other story, so sorry about that. Pardon my pathetic descriptions – 'a very model-like face' – I just had no idea how to describe him, haha. The Almighty Shelby says she wants to see Alex's POV, so I'll probably write a sequel after this story's finished. I'm sure you're doing a happy dance right now :P I now reward you with an extra long chapter for putting up with me and my random updates (and personality).**

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><p>I watched him walk away from me, and I fought the urge to scream while my tears flowed freely. Why were these emotions surfacing so easily? I'd fought so hard to keep them locked up for all these years.<p>

I subconsciously touched my wrist and frowned. _Pull yourself together; you have a reputation to keep intact. Do you want to go back to the way things were?_ I shuddered. I would die first.

The bell rang overhead, and I mentally cursed. _Now everyone's going to wonder what I've been doing._

I put a happy, carefree expression on, and walked towards my next class in that breezy way, greeting everyone with a smile on my way. I made a supreme effort to pay very close attention in class the rest of the day, but my efforts were in vain. No matter what I did, my thoughts drifted back to Alex.

We were so similar, yet so different. I'd give anything for him to trust me. _Almost_ anything.

He must have ditched, because I remember us having most of our classes together, and I didn't see him at all the rest of the day. In our last period, our teacher instructed us to split into groups of two's and three's. Shelby, Maddie, and I grouped together, naturally.

"Hey where were you during lunch?" Shelby whispered once the teacher's back was turned.

"Yeah, were you, like," Maddie made a gagging motion.

"No, I don't scarf and barf," I rolled my eyes, "I don't have a gag reflex, remember?"

"Ooh, and how did you find _that_ out?" Maddie winked.

"Not the same way you would," I joked.

"Hey, I wish I didn't have to deal with having one," she frowned, "it's useless."

"Well, try not to choke."

She laughed quietly and smacked my arm. "But really, where were you?"

I'd planned out my answer earlier, knowing they would ask, "I was fixing my makeup, then I had to turn down a guy that asked me out."

"Wow, it took that long?" Maddie asked.

"Yeah, I didn't want to sound mean," I smiled apologetically.

"Who was it?" Shelby inquired.

Crap. The one thing I didn't think of.

"Oh, I don't know his name," I shrugged.

"Well, what did he look like?" Maddie prompted, "Was he cute?"

I rolled my eyes, "Not really my type. He had, um, blond hair and blue eyes."

"Sounds cute. Was he a junior?"

"I don't know!" Our teacher glared at me. "I told you I don't really know who he is," I whispered.

She pouted.

"Hey, do we have practice today?" I asked, quick to change the subject. Bring up Cheerleading with Madison; you can have a conversation for hours.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

When I got home, I plopped onto my bed, starting my homework. I tried to concentrate, but I just couldn't. I sighed, pulling my phone from my jeans' pocket.

I dialed my friend Jazmyn's number. She knew everything about everyone – along with everyone's numbers.

"Hey," she greeted me, "Sup, homie?"

"Hey, um, I need a number."

"Just tell me who and you got it," she stated in a professional manner.

"Um, I don't really have a name to give you," I laughed, "Do you know any cute blonds with blue eyes?"

"Ooh, girl knows her type."

I laughed, "No, it's for a friend. So, do you have any numbers for me?"

"Um...Oh, here we go! I'll send you a pic, hold on."

A few seconds later, a picture of Jazmyn with a few other people showed up. There was a blond guy on the far left looking up at the camera with a slightly arrogant expression. Perfect.

"He a junior?"

"Uh huh. His name's Chad. Pretty hot, right?"

"Uh, not really my type. So what's his number?"

She giggled and gave it to me, along with a suggestion to hang out soon.

"Yeah, I haven't seen you in forever," I smiled sadly, "What about Saturday?"

"Great! See you then. Later, girl."

"Bye."

I entered the number scribbled onto my palm into my cell, and called it.

"Yeah?" a pleasant voice answered after the second ring.

"Hi," I greeted brightly, "its Jamie Miller."

"The Jamie Miller?"

I laughed. "Yeah."

"Cool. So I'm guessing you want to go out, right?" he asked in a bit of a cocky tone.

My smile vanished. "No, I was wondering if you'd be interested in meeting a friend of mine. Madison Reed."

"Oh her. Yeah, she's cute."

I smirked. "Yeah. We should hang out tomorrow, so I can introduce you. 'Kay?" Straight to the point; I didn't like bullshitting people.

"Sure."

"Good. Bye." I ended the call, secretly glad I didn't have to keep talking to him.

I wondered if it was a good idea to introduce him to Maddie. He seemed like…such a jackass. But I needed someone to fit the description I'd given today, and Maddie wanted another boyfriend "for fun" as she'd put it. I was lucky I'd found a cute guy anyway. Oddly enough, beauty seemed to be a bit of a rarity at our school, so it was all but worshipped when happened upon.

I checked my phone again, looking at all the messages I'd ignored – 17. All asking to hang out or just saying "Hi."

It had been less than an hour.

I replied to all the invites saying that I was doing homework – my usual answer. I don't know why they still bothered to ask.

I turned my phone off and resumed my homework, finishing quickly. I walked downstairs, checking the time off the microwave in the kitchen – **5:30**.

My stomach was twisted in sickening knots, so I avoided the kitchen, opting for my room instead. I tread back up the stairs and snaked under my covers. I felt at ease almost instantly, for which I was grateful. The last thing I remembered was closing my eyes.

_I was floating._

_I looked around me, realizing I was on a raft of some sort. Alex was next to me, smiling. I'd never seen him smile before. I liked it._

_We were floating down a gently moving stream, the water a pure, clean blue. The sun beamed down, reflecting off the water like diamonds, and warming us to the perfect degree._

_A benign breeze swept my hair – now impossibly long – in his direction. He captured the strands between his long fingers, and kissed them. I blushed, and he tucked them behind my ear._

_Suddenly, the water rippled, and its color morphed to something darker. Blood._

_As I watched in terror, a giant collection of something, looking somewhat in the shape of an arm, rose from the water. As the raft drifted closer, the giant arm glinted in the quickly retreating sun, and I realized it was made of a collection of many sharp objects – scissors, knives, needles…_

_Razor blades._

_Whatever the arm was connected to stood from the river. It was distinctly humanoid, but still looked very much like a monster. It roared, an ear piercing cry, like rusty metal scraps being gnashed together. The raft had continued its voyage, and the monster was now in front of us. It reached for Alex, and began scratching at him, slashing all over his body._

_I screamed in anguish, and reached for him, but I was stopped by a wretched pain in my arms. I watched in horror as my old scars surfaced on my wrists, and my skin slowly split open in their place. I cried out in pain._

_The monster then turned. It had no eyes, just hollow sockets, and its mouth was a gaping hole filled with shards of glass for teeth. It brought back its other arm, and I watched as it flew towards me. It felt like my lungs exploded as its fist connected with my body, cutting me, and I flew backwards into the river of blood. I began sinking impossibly fast, but I just didn't care. I don't know why I didn't care, but I didn't. I kept sinking, for an impossibly long time, before black clouded my vision, and I was simply gone._

I gasped.

My alarm clock was beeping erratically and I reached out to silence it. I got out of bed and went through my morning routine robotically, not paying attention to what I was doing. I glanced at myself in the mirror after getting dressed. A ghost of a smile crossed my lips. Even when I had no idea what I was putting on, I still looked like a fashion icon. _Well, I always _did _look good in sundresses…_

I put on a little natural makeup and spritzed on some perfume that made me smell like a flower garden, then I tied my hair into a side ponytail, leaving a few curls loose. I drifted to my car, and made my way to school.

My nightmare was really starting to bug me. I'd had tons of them before, but they were usually of me being back in my past social life. They'd never been like that. I'd never _died._

_Hey. You. You need to amp up the social butterfly-ness. Pretty soon people are going to think you're weird and stop liking you. _I sighed.

I pulled into the parking lot and got out, walking towards the meeting spot, when someone called to me.

"Hey, Jamie! C'mere for a sec."

I turned at the sound of the voice. It took me a second to recognize him. It was Chad! A feeling of dread consumed me.

"You coming?"

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. His voice reminded me of the douche-y guys you see getting drunk and grinding all night at clubs. Oh yeah, guidos. I smiled at my joke and walked over to where he was standing with his friends.

They didn't really _look_ like they belonged on the Jersey Shore, but they sounded and probably acted like it. They all wore that annoying Hollister stuff when they didn't have their Lettermans on, and many of them attempted the Beiber-hair.

Chad was standing in their midst, wearing a Letterman and jeans – surprising – and his light hair was styled in a fashion that looked suspiciously like Edward Cullen's. He had bright, oceanic blue eyes that looked very giddy and childlike, set into a very model-like face. His mouth was always quirked into a cocky grin that was annoying yet adorable. I'd be lying if I said he wasn't beautiful, but he wasn't really the kind of guy I'd go for.

"Need something?" I asked brightly, flashing a blinding smile.

His friends leered at me, and he smirked. I had to fight to hold my smile in place. "Just wanted to ask if you're still able to hang out with me later today." He smirked.

Oh right, today's Friday. "Of course! You can finally meet Madison!" I replied slyly.

His smile faltered momentarily.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you don't want to hang out with Maddie," I faked a pout.

"No. I'm thrilled."

"Totes. Okay, I'll see you later, then. Bye." I waved as I walked away, giggling quietly to myself. It was having way too much fun rejecting this guy's advances.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

"And he's hot?"

"Mm-hmm."

"And a Junior?"

"Mm-hmm."

"And we're meeting him _today_?"

"Mm-Well, you are."

"You've met him?"

"Uh-huh."

"Scale it." Maddie commanded me, referring to our habit of rating people on the 1-10 ratio.

"To you? A 12."

She squealed, and bounced a little bit on my bed.

"Chill."

"Yeah, Maddie. Guys aren't _everything_," Shelby added.

"Just most things." She giggled.

"Hey, I agree with Shelby!"

"Oh, you just need a cute guy to come along and…_loosen things up_," she winked.

"Oh you are _horrible!_" Shelby and I shouted in unison, laughing like idiots.

"Don't act like you don't love me."

"Hey, Shelby. Are you coming with us tonight?" I asked.

"Um…Well isn't the point of this like a matchmaker sorta thing?" she frowned.

"Why don't you just bring Shane? He'll be so proud; you're finally tolerating him enough to go on another date with him!" I teased.

Shane was Shelby's boyfriend of almost 4 years. They were practically made for each other, but they didn't hang out much because Shelby had known me and Maddie forever, and she firmly believed in "Sisters before Misters" – or as Maddie and I preferred, "Chicks before Dicks."

She laughed. "Fine!"

"You know, J, I think you should do a little scouting yourself tonight. You've _never _had a boyfriend. Ever." Maddie looked at me seriously.

"I don't want one. At least no one at this school. Everyone just wants to get in your pants! I mean, I'm not searching for my soulmate right now, but even dating for fun, that's all anyone ever thinks about!"

"So?" she replied sarcastically.

"Hey, drop the sarcasm, missy, we all know why I care so much," I gave her a meaningful look.

Everyone knows how boys talk, right? Especially about girls. Let's just say my social position and supposed good looks put me pretty high up on the list of "Desirable." A few guys started talking big and rumors started going around. Almost anyone who knows me, knows I don't take kindly to having things said about me that aren't true, and anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a good enemy to have. Let's just say those guys don't go to our school anymore.

"Right." She blew out a breath. "Now, let's go shopping!"

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

"Girl, if I was a lesbian, I'd be all over you right now." I was currently appraising my hard work to make Maddie look absolutely _amazing._ Well, with her, you didn't have to work very hard, but you know what I mean.

We'd bought a mountain of stuff, and I'd hand-picked an outfit for each of us. I'd dressed Shelby in a simple, loose white tank top and some chic, light-wash denim shorts with medium sized buttons all the way up the sides. I'd added a wide, dark brown belt at her waist to add some curves. She was already tall, so I gave her some brown flats. Upon my request, she'd straightened her short hair, so it hung with an edgy flair. Her makeup was golden in color, but slightly on the darker side. It successfully brought out the golden tones in her eyes, making them closer to amber than their normal chestnut brown color.

I'd dressed myself in a loose, white with black polka-dots shirt, tucked into a ruffled grey skirt that stopped right above my knees. I was a little on the short side – though still taller than Maddie – so I wore black, suede ankle boots. My hair was curled to its usual waves, but more glamorously, and cascaded over one of my shoulders. My makeup was silvery, and brought a lot of light to my usually dark eyes, showing off the green and gold hidden underneath.

Maddie was who I focused the most on. We wanted her to be the "Wow!" one. She was the one trying to impress the guy, and we were going to use every trick in the book to make it happen. I'd dressed her in a peach, off the shoulder top, and tucked it into a short, high-waisted, leather pencil skirt that was nude in color. I'd easily convinced her to wear nude colored pumps. The skirt/shoes combo made her petite form appear taller, and her legs looked mile-long right now, while the shirt/skirt mix gave her a cute, busty form. I'd pulled her hair into a messy up-do, with a few curls hanging loose, accentuating her slender neck. Her makeup was natural, but with a slightly pink hue. I'd done the most work on hers, so she looked like she was glowing.

"I know," she replied to my compliment, giggling.

"I cannot believe you made us look this amazing on such short notice. And we're not even wearing dresses or anything!" Shelby was practically worshipping the ground I walked on.

"Fashion mags. I read."

"She's right though, J. This is amazing." Maddie hugged me.

"Hey, don't cry, I spent a long time on your makeup."

She laughed. "I don't know how you got it to look this good, though. There's barely any on."

"Practice. And you have a pretty much perfect complexion already, so it's not necessary to paint your face. And I figured you wouldn't want to have to worry about smeared makeup later tonight." I winked.

"You know me so _well_!"

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I got it. I'm least likely to fall down the stairs and break my neck," Shelby smiled.

She left the room, and Maddie and I walked to the end of the hallway, peeking our heads around the corner to see who was there.

"Shay!" Shelby launched herself at her boyfriend when she opened the door, being caught by a very disoriented, and slightly confused, Shane Bracey.

"My name is just one more syllable. Just one." He smiled down at her. He was easily embarrassed, and nicknames tended to be embarrassing, so we always teased him about it, but we knew he'd take the nickname "Dr. Pee pee" if Shelby wanted him to. Lucky for him, Shelby wasn't as evil as me or Maddie.

"But Shay is so cute. I like it." She pouted, fingering his short hair.

"Anything for you," he said dramatically, grinning when she threw her head back in laughter.

The way they looked at each other all the time was right out of a romance. Maddie and I had informed Shelby of our thoughts, but she dismissed it as playful banter. There was no question about it. They were in love.

"Aw, they're just so adorable together!" Maddie squeaked.

"They should get married," I added.

"They _will_ get married."

"And we'll stop at nothing to make sure they do!" we promised in unison.

"Oh yeah, there's some guys outside." Shane shouted. So he knew we were listening. Smart boy.

"Oh, hey. When did you get here, Shane?" I asked innocently.

He just rolled his eyes.

Maddie and I bounced down the stairs, slowing at the door, and sashaying out. Chad was the first one I saw, so I subtly shifted to walk behind Maddie.

"Hey, Jamie!" Chad shouted. Damn him, it was like he was purposefully ignoring Maddie. For all I knew, he was, since I'd been walking behind Maddie and I was dressed in very plain colors while she was in nice ones.

"…Hey." I forced a smile. I noticed Maddie frown in the corner of my eye, so I took evasive maneuvers. "Chad. You haven't met Madison yet." I gave her a slight push in his direction.

"Hi." She gave that sly smile she'd perfected over the years; innocent on the surface, but still sexy.

"Hey. So you're Madison." He was appraising her as he spoke, which kind of bothered me, but I made no comment.

"Call me Maddie." She moved to tuck a curl behind her ear, and slyly traced down her neck with her finger in the process. Who says flirting has to involve words?

His smirk became more prominent. "Maddie. I didn't know you were this much of a beauty in person." The line was perfectly executed, and I had no doubt he'd said it hundreds of times.

"Not too bad yourself," she winked inconspicuously, walking slowly around him to the shiny Hummer parked by the sidewalk.

His eyes followed shamelessly after her, watching her every move. I'd seen this display many times, but with Chad, it just…I didn't like it. At all.

_Chill. Maddie knows what she's doing, she's done this all sorts of times. She's the one in a relationship who's most likely to have commitment issues, so just calm down; she's not going to get hurt._ I sighed.

"Everybody just hop in the car, there's more than enough room for everyone," a guy whose name I didn't know called out, falling into step beside me. He turned to flash a lopsided grin at me. He wasn't unattractive, but was kind of plain looking; I wasn't really interested.

We jumped into the car, which was like climbing Mt. Everest for me. Forgettable Guy sat next to me and I watched as Maddie and Chad were practically in each others' laps as they flirted. Shane was taking notice of how perfect Shelby looked while they cuddled. In a way, it was kind of entertaining. I decided to humor Forgettable Guy; my ignorance was making me feel a little bad.

I giggled. "Where are we going, anyway?" I took my finger lightly between my teeth.

He smiled widely. "Chad's house. You'll like it. It's big…lots of rooms…" I took note of the slight shift of his smile to more of a leer. Well now I know what that "lots of rooms" bit was aiming at.

"Great," I did my version of Maddie's sexy smile, touching his shoulder briefly.

"Oh, we're here." Chad chuckled as we pulled up to an absolutely huge house.

"Wow. This is amazing!" Maddie approved, eyes wide and roaming, like mine.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool." Chad shrugged.

Oh, such a poor little commoner like myself. Too bad I can't afford a house that could eat half of the city, or a shiny, new car.

"Thanks, Jeff." Chad knocked on the driver's side window lightly.

"Jeff?" Maddie asked.

"My chauffeur," he smirked.

_Or_ a chauffeur to drive me everywhere. I smiled to myself.

We walked past a set of double doors and into a huge foyer. Maddie and I stood in awe, taking in the beauty around us.

"Nice, right?" Chad asked, though he knew the answer.

"Hell yeah!" Maddie laughed, holding onto his arm.

"Don't worry about doing anything 'inappropriate' or whatever. My parents aren't home right now anyway."

There was a murmured agreement within the group.

He led us to a very fancy looking couch and chairs, which turned out to be surprisingly comfortable. I chattered away for a while before I needed a break.

"Hey, Chad?"

"Yeah?"

"Um…where's the bathroom?" I giggled awkwardly.

He smirked. "Down that hall there." He pointed to a _very_ long hallway to the left of our current position.

"Thanks." I flashed a dazzling smile.

I whisked down the hall and stopped at its end, reaching for the handle on the door located there. I turned it, but it didn't move. I started shaking it a little, but it wouldn't budge.

"Damn it, it must be locked." I pushed against it. Nothing.

_What if someone's in there? Ugh, that'd be really awkward._ I frowned, and stepped away from the door, waiting for the theoretical person to come out. I stood there for about 5 minutes, not making any noise, until I heard a barely audible sigh.

_Oh, then there _was _someone in there._ I stayed silent, still waiting…

Then, I was face to face with Alex under the doorway.

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><p><strong>AN: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUNNNNN! ****Bet you didn't think the chapter would be **_**that**_** long! ;D I'm sure you were thrilled, if not wishing you had a gun while reading this, but I need reviews so I know what you think! And don't assume they don't mean anything either! I apologize for my sucky descriptions during some parts; architecture is ****not**** my forte (and apparently neither is describing people when I don't really care about their characters. Haha, that sounds mean…) I will hopefully be able to update before the school year starts, otherwise I might not be able to for a while. I'm sorry if I sound like a very annoying person who you just want to fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and eaten by that same shark for saying this, but the more reviews I get, the faster I'll update. They're like my motivation. If you were an artist, but no one was showing interest in any of your work, would you want to keep painting? Probably not. Anyhoo, apologies, reviews, and trololols. Thanks for putting up with me! (:**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Yeah, I know I probably should've tortured you all and taken longer to update, but I just love writing this story! I was reading it out of boredom and after the last chapter I was like, "OMG! WHAT HAPPENS NAO?...Oh wait this is my story." Oh teh lulz… Sorry if I sound like a crazy person in my writing, my theoretical ADHD was going off when I was typing. Oh yeah, this is kind of random, but when I first started working on this story, I picked out specific eye colors for the characters. If you want a little insight on their personalities, look up eye color meanings (and astrological signs!)**

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><p>We didn't say anything. We just stood there staring at each other. His eyes were so deep. They were hypnotic, mysterious…isolated. They were cold, and unfeeling, as if there was a wall there, keeping out the world.<p>

"What are you doing here? I mean, I'm not trying to be rude, but I was just kind of wondering," I managed to mumble, my eyes quickly retreating to the floor. I was always so reserved around him, his eyes were so penetrating; it was like he was looking into you, not at you. Maybe I was afraid of what he might see.

"I live here, now if you would kindly move out of my way, I would appreciate it," he voice was apathetic, but I didn't miss the hint of irritation.

I side-stepped lithely, and he brushed past me, walking quickly to another, identical door in the never-ending hallway. _Wait, if he lives here..._ I gasped. _No. Way. Never would I ever have thought…_

"So Chad's your brother, then?" I called out to his retreating form.

He froze, but didn't turn to face me. "…Yes. I would tell you to talk about it all you want, but my _bro_," he said the word with bitter sarcasm, "doesn't really like admitting that we're related."

"Why?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Does it matter?" He resumed his journey to the door, and reached a hand out to the knob.

"It does, actually, now if you'd stop being so cryptic, I'd really appreciate it." I pouted, making my way to where he was standing.

He was currently in an odd position, his hand half-outstretched towards the door, and his head turned slightly sideways to stare at me. His eyes followed me as I walked, which normally would've caused me to lose my motivation, but I was becoming irritated. I loved knowledge, and when I was deprived, I became aggravated.

"What are you doing?" He asked in a monotone, though I noticed the faint flash of alarm in his eyes.

"Does it matter?" As I said this, I strolled casually to the door, leaning against it.

"Can you…not?"

"Not? Not what?" I asked innocently.

He didn't respond, just continued staring down at me with an icy glare.

Lucky for me, I wasn't affected at the moment. I was getting into that other half of myself that loved challenges, and wasn't intimidated by anything. I smirked at him, and slowly crept my hand towards the doorknob.

I turned it and pushed myself backwards, flinging the door open and darting inside, not taking note of much before launching myself onto the huge bed in the center of the room. After bouncing a bit, I smiled at him. "Problem?"

He was livid, which gave me a tinge of regret, but I was still a bit high off of adrenaline. He was standing rather casually against the doorframe, but his eyes conveyed such a sheer force of rage I could practically _feel_ it. But me, being a stubborn little girl, ignored it. To some extent.

"Get the fuck out. Now." His tone was detached, but cutting. I shrank back a little.

My smile faded, and was replaced by a look of hurt. I walked slowly towards him with my eyes on the floor. "I…I'm sorry," I bit my lip, "I have a habit of doing stupid things, just don't mind me," I giggled awkwardly.

He was silent. "…No, it's…fine. Sorry, I'm being a dick. I've been a dick since we met."

I scoffed. "More just like being annoyed by a crazy girl."

"Not crazy, just energetic," he smiled halfheartedly. It was a sad smile; it made me want to cry.

I stared at him. I wanted to know him. To know why he was so sad, but acted so harsh and uncaring. To know why he wouldn't allow anyone to get close to him. To know why he was the way he was.

"What?" he asked, averting his eyes from me.

"…Nothing." Truthfully, while I'd been contemplating my wishes, I'd been admiring him subconsciously.

An awkward silence hung in the air.

"…So, what's up besides the ceiling?" I asked in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

He scoffed, "Did you really just say that?"

"What? It's a commonly asked question. Most of the people at school seem to find it _so_ hilarious when I say it." I explained.

"Must be nice…" I barely heard him whisper, as he slumped towards his bed and threw himself face down on top of it.

"…Alex?"

"Go away, I'm being emo," I didn't miss the sarcasm in his tone.

"Not emo, just…poetic?" I offered.

I heard his muffled laughter. He sat up and looked at me seriously, "I am, though. More than you know." The self-hatred was only slightly masked in his voice. "Though you might try to deny it, you'd think I was a total freak if you knew the half of it."

"Alex-"

"Don't. I doubt you can prove you know what it's like." He turned away from me, but I heard the faintest bit of…sorrow in his voice.

I took a deep breath, preparing mentally for what I was about to do. I walked over to where he was sitting, and sat next to him, turning in his direction.

"Alex? Look at me, please?" I asked timidly.

He turned after a moment, and my dark eyes were met with those unyielding, steel gray ones. I reached my arm out to him slowly, telling myself everything was okay.

"Medurma works wonders," I smiled sadly, gesturing to my wrist.

His eyes widened momentarily, then took note of the barely visible scars decorating my arm.

"The word 'hate' is there. Why?"

I laughed, "Because back then, it was the only emotion I knew besides grief."

He met my eyes again, and understanding was displayed on his features.

"Now don't give me any bullshit about me not knowing anything." I quickly withdrew my arm.

"Yeah…I'm sorry about that," he moved his hand behind his head in a sort of "My bad" gesture.

"Well, my image is a bit misleading…"

"…Yeah, but still. You put on a good show for everyone around you. Doesn't it ever get old?"

"Well, I'm happy, so it doesn't really matter."

His eyes searched mine. "You don't seem very happy."

His words caused a nearly audible click in my mind, and I contemplated them. _Was_ I happy? Of course I was, I was the most popular girl in school, every guy wanted me, and I had two amazing best friends. Those were the three main things I'd desired the most for years. Of course I'd be happy now that I had them.

"You should probably leave now, it doesn't take this long to use the restroom, usually," he said in a monotone.

I really didn't want to leave, especially since he was just starting to open up to me. My eyes narrowed, "Oh, they won't mind, Maddie and Chad are probably fucking each other senseless by now, and it takes girls hours to take a piss anyway." I slapped my hand over my mouth.

He gaped at me. Clearly, this sort of dialogue was very far from what would be deemed "Jamie Miller-like."

We both jumped when there was a dull thud against the wall. I stared at the source of the noise, hundreds of possibilities flashing through my mind before settling on one. "…Is Chad's room next to yours?"

"Yes."

I smiled, but it was more of a grimace. "And as usual, I'm right."

He chuckled at that, and got up to close the door. I'd always liked it better when doors were shut. It made me feel less vulnerable to the outside, and I felt more at ease.

"I take it we're going to talk more now, yes?" I asked hopefully.

He scoffed, "You're like a little kid on Christmas."

"I don't believe it's a bad thing to be a little immature sometimes. If you go around your whole life acting like there's a stick up your ass just because you think people'll think you're weird, then there's no fun to anything at all!" I realized a beat later how hypocritical I was being.

"I guess I understand what you're saying, but don't social statuses _depend_ on looking cool?" He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"I'd say 'Touché' but there's no fun in that," I smirked, "The trick is to maintain the balance between 'cool' and childish, which is easy for me, since I'm a Gemini. Just in case you couldn't tell, since I'm _always_ talking. I'm sure people are just like, 'Omg, shut up!' but I don't really notice too much 'cause I'm _always_ talking!" I babbled. I stopped short and shook myself. "So what's your sign?"

He had a partially hidden grin on his face, probably from my random spout of craziness prior. "Aquarius."

"Oh! I read-" I cut myself off, knowing I was about to say something awkward. I had a habit of putting my foot in my mouth. What I would have said was that I'd read somewhere about the high compatibility of Gemini and Aquarius couples. I didn't really live my life off of astrology or anything, but it egged on my girlish fantasies.

He didn't comment on my outburst. "I don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, but how come you're babbling so much?"

"Oh, no reason." I replied slyly, thankfully repressing my bubbly side.

"There's always a little motive behind everything without reason," he smirked at me. The line was spoken like a true poet, and it made me interested in him just that much more. I wanted to ask him if he wrote poetry, but I was too apprehensive to force the words from my mouth.

"But what's the motive behind unreasonable things?" I challenged.

"I will be apathetic and simply say, Touché."

"Great. Now, in case you don't know how this is going to work, I'm going to ask you questions and you're going to answer them. Truthfully." I instructed.

"Maybe if you bind and threaten me," he replied sarcastically.

"If that's what you're into, then sure," I joked.

He directed his gaze away from me, and a faint flash of pink colored his face. I then thought of a past memory, of when I was in my own living hell. The mention of anything personal, having to do with me would make me kind of uncomfortable, since I'd always seen myself as Forever Alone.

"Oh, um, sorry, I didn't mean to cause an awkward silence."

He laughed, though it sounded forced, "its fine. I'm just weird."

I frowned. "No. I know the feeling, really. I did just show you my arm, didn't I? We're not as different as you think."

He contemplated my words. "Yeah, but you're…you. I'm still just a loner no one wants around."

"Pardon me for sounding cliché, but…I want you around. I like you. You're not shallow and condensing, and mean and overbearing. You're the rose in a field of thorns." I blushed at my poetic outburst. I had thoughts like these all the time, but I rarely said them aloud.

"I really appreciate being compared to a flower, considering I'm a guy," he said sarcastically.

"Fine, then you're the least of a dick out of all the dicks, how about that for a metaphor?"

He burst into hysterical laughter at my words, "I'm sorry, but it's just too funny when you get irritated, you have this little pout and you just say everything with a huff; it's so cute."

"What?" _Did he just say I was cute? No, he said what I _did_ was cute. Does that mean the same thing? I think so. Why do I feel so elated…?_

"Huh?" he asked, his eyes turning cold, where they'd been more open moments ago.

There were suddenly a lot of odd noises coming from the other side of the wall. Mostly things that sounded suspiciously like moaned curses.

"Fuck, they're loud," Alex disapproved, "and these walls are damn thick, too."

At least my best friend's…"adventure?"…had saved us from a very awkward conversation.

"…Hey, you have a cell phone, right?" I asked awkwardly.

"Not that I really use it, but yes."

"Can I have your number?" I asked hopefully.

"…Why?"

His question caught me off guard. "What do people usually use phone numbers for?"

"Oh, sorry, my social experience is kinda low," he smiled apologetically.

I smiled. "I'll forgive you if you give it to me."

I pulled my cell from inside my shirt and readied it to add a contact. He stared at me with an unfathomable expression.

"What?" I asked, oblivious.

"You just pulled your phone out of your shirt…"

"Oh, well when you don't have pockets, bras always work!" I giggled. "I'm still not sure how it fits, though…" I trailed off, contemplating how there was enough room for my phone there at all. I wore a D, and greatly surpassed most of the girls at my school. It would be awkward if it wasn't considered a positive factor.

"Right…" He then told me his number, after which I saved in my Contacts, with a stupid grin on my face. I probably looked like an idiot.

"Why are you so happy?" he asked me.

"'Cause I finally got your number! Now I can bore you forever with my random chatter!"

"You're not as boring as you say you are," he complimented, "it might come as a shock, but it's interesting talking to you."

"Totes," Sarcasm dripped from my words. "Hey, Alex, there's something on your arm," I pointed to the dark liquid dripping from under his sleeve onto the bed.

"Shit," I heard him mutter under his breath, and he moved towards the door in a flash, flinging it open and darting out of sight.

I moved to the doorway, peeking my head around the corner. I could hear him shuffling around in the bathroom, and I resisted the urge investigate. I believed in respecting privacy, but I also believed in knowledge being power. Ignoring my better instincts, I snuck swiftly into the room, where I was met with a familiar sight.

Alex was leaning against the counter, trying desperately to find a suitable material to stop the blood seeping from his arm. When I got closer I saw the thick, red lines covering the pale skin of his wrist. A feeling of anguish engulfed me. I barely registered the crimson razor blades scattered on the counter, or the drops and splats of blood; all I could see was a poor, tormented soul.

"What are you-?" He stopped short, looking at me with shock displayed on his features.

I didn't notice I was crying at first.

"Please don't," I whispered my voice barely audible.

He didn't respond, just looked at me with a torn expression.

I stepped towards him, carefully taking hold of his arm. I traced around the wounds with a feather-light touch, knowing how sensitive skin was when penetrated. I grabbed a nearby washcloth, and gently held it over his arm.

I looked up at him, not hiding the affliction in my eyes. "Please, don't do it again," I pleaded, my voice sounding very fragile, "Please."

He wouldn't meet my gaze, but eventually he sighed, looking at me with an expression of defeat.

I couldn't help it, I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him so tightly, it's a wonder he didn't burst. He recoiled at first, then returned my embrace. I don't know how long we stood like that, hugging like we would cease to exist if we left each other, but I never wanted it to end. _All good things come to an end_, a pessimistic voice whispered, but I ignored it, snuggling deeper against his chest.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, honestly, I cried while writing the last bit. It was just so emotional; I had to tap into that really dark, sad part of myself to write it. You want Hurt/Comfort? You most definitely got it (and there's more to come.) I guess on a brighter note, I was looking up random words on Urban Dictionary and got the brilliant idea to look up my characters' names. The first description of Jamie fits this character perfectly O_o And if you look up Chad I about died of laughter because that was kind of the idea I had about his character. Yeah, I posted this a little early, but so what? Review it! Rawr!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: In case you didn't already know, I started **_**another**_** story (because I'm an idiot.) It's from Maddie's POV during this story, because she demanded – I mean asked politely for it, so go check it out. Also, Maddie herself is writing her own fanfiction, because she was inspired by the amazing moi *bows* So go check that out; her pen name is LazyTeen95240. And about the last chapter; the little pessimistic voice at the end? It'll come into play later in the story. Sadly, I'm a mean person, and will not tell you how, so you'll have to find out (; I was just looking at Wattpad, and how many views and comments stories are getting there, and it just makes me feel like such an amateur. I don't know why, but I just feel so tiny in comparison or something. When I get that feeling, my self confidence begins to drop, and when my self confidence drops I start to get like Alex… So could you leave me a crapload of reviews to make me feel better? :3 Was that a ploy for more reviews? Maybe. But I'm not lying… This chapter is a little "emo" in the beginning because I was kind of in a mood when I started writing it. Now if you're not ready to kill me for my terribly long author's note, enjoy the semi-depressing writing.**

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><p><strong>*Later that night*<strong>

I lay, my arms and legs sprawled across my bed as I contemplated what happened today.

We'd hugged. It may seem like something insignificant, but it meant a lot to me. He made it impossible for anyone to get close to him, so even something as simple as a hug was a huge accomplishment. And it was so…comforting. I felt so protected in his arms, in a way I'd never felt before. Secure. Safe.

I smiled faintly at the ridiculous cliché. I wanted…

My thought trailed off. What _did_ I want? I…I wanted him to know my secrets. To know if he knew what everything felt like as much as I did. To know if he harbored the same pain I once had. _But you can't tell him. He'll definitely think you're a freak then._ I frowned. I wanted to not be scared anymore. I sighed, as my eyes closed slowly. That was probably impossible. I'd been psychologically damaged, and I could fake my way through life and pretend I was perfectly normal all I wanted, but I was always going to be at least a little broken inside. I drew my covers up around myself, praying for sleep, so I could escape my thoughts.

_I was in a dark room. No, not a room. It was just a…place. There was no other description for it. It was pitch black, and entirely void of anything. I could still see, though there was nothing _to_ see. I crumpled where I was. I was alone. Again._

_Tears escaped my eyes, and I then felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me. I raised my gaze to find Alex with me. His expression matched mine, save for the tears. He bent towards me slowly, to place a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth, as I intertwined our hands. He drew back all too soon, and began to back away from me, though he wasn't actually walking away. It was as if an unseen force was pulling him from me. My eyes grew wide as I tried in vain to keep him with me, but his hand was slowly pulled from mine, each of us stretching to stay together for as much time as possible. Then he was gone._

_I felt like a part of me had been stolen, and I simply slumped to the ground, as the darkness consumed me._

I woke with the taste of saltwater on my lips, and blindly wiped at my eyes. My cheek pressed against the wetness on my pillow, and I felt even worse than I ever had. I almost never held the memory of my dreams, so why was it suddenly happening? And why with these horrible nightmares? I sat up, and suddenly became enraged. Why did my mind enjoy torturing me? Was it _my_ fault I'd gone through that hell? _Fuck _no!I wrenched my sheets away from myself, and stormed out of bed. I immediately grabbed my phone and searched my contacts for the number I wanted, calling it.

It rang for an unbearably long time, before a tired voice came from the other side. "Hello?" He sounded genuinely confused. I smirked.

"Would you mind too much if you spent the day with me?"

Silence. "…Why?"

"Because." I answered simply.

"Well I can't argue with that answer," I didn't miss the sarcasm in his voice.

"Good. I'll be at your house in…however long it takes me to get ready."

"No. Um…it'd be easier if you didn't," I could almost hear him shifting uncomfortably.

"…Okay," I agreed easily; out of character for me.

"Okay. I already know where you live, so don't worry."

"Good. Wait, what?" I suddenly wondered if he stalked me or something, but I couldn't hold back the slight feeling of delight if he did. _Okay, now you're getting weird, J._

I heard him chuckle softly, "_Everyone_ knows where you live."

"Oh…right." It was true. Popularity kind of made things like your address well-known. "So, see you in…soon."

"Right. Bye."

"Bye."

**(A/N: Hmm, I wonder who she could have called… *sarcastic voice*)**

I skipped lightly around my house, going through my morning routine with an odd sort of cheer, my dream entirely forgotten. I'd been finished only a few minutes when a soft knock on the door sounded. I bounced down the stairs, not hiding my enormous grin. I wrenched the door out of my way, my smile growing surprisingly. He stood awkwardly, in a band T-shirt and jeans, his hair slightly disheveled as usual, his eyes downcast. At least he wasn't giving me a death glare.

I brushed past him, our shoulders touching briefly before he shifted away from me, as I walked towards my car.

"Shouldn't we take my car?" he finally spoke.

I turned to fix him with an odd look. "Why?"

"If people see us together, they'll think I kidnapped you, so as not to tarnish your rep."

_Is he fu-freaking kidding me? _I thought. "How do you know I don't want people to think _I_ kidnapped _you_? But I suppose if your car's left here, there would be the ever-present question of what the neighbors would think," I added sarcastically.

He gave a soft smile, and walked to his car, waiting for me.

I sighed, and followed. It was very unlike me to give up without a fight, but I was still a little tired.

I was never very good with cars, so I couldn't really describe it as more than a black Camaro. It was shiny though. Really shiny; like brand new shiny. I stood in awe, and reached a tentative hand out to stroke it.

"Um, what are you doing?" He gave me a look as if he was questioning my sanity.

"It's so pretty," I said, not taking my eyes off the machine.

He chuckled quietly, and just got into the driver's seat.

I became aware of my surroundings once more, and slid onto the smooth leather seating. Okay, I was seriously jealous.

"So, where are we actually _going_?" He asked.

I hadn't thought of that. I stared ahead blankly, and said the first thing that came to mind. "Amusement park."

"…What?"

"We're going to an amusement park, now deal with it," I commanded. My expression dared him to protest.

"Fine," he mumbled, shifting the car into drive and speeding out of my neighborhood.

We sat in silence for a while, before I couldn't take it anymore. "How come you never say anything?"

"Is that a bad thing?" he responded emotionlessly.

"Yes."

He laughed humorlessly at that.

"It's just…you seem so broody all the time. Like there's always something bothering you."

He didn't respond.

"…Would it bother you if I said I was secretly a guy?"

He automatically burst into hysterical laughter, so much that the car swerved slightly. I laughed with him, glad he didn't seem depressed anymore.

"Do you always have thoughts like that just floating around in your head?"

I thought about it. "Yes."

"What are you thinking about right now?"

"…I'm not at liberty to discuss that information."

"Really?"

"Not unless my lawyer is present."

He laughed again, and I smiled, pleased that I could make him happy so easily.

We drove for a while, talking and laughing about nothing in particular, until we arrived at the amusement park.

"Yay!" I squealed.

"You really love these places, don't you?" Alex smiled crookedly.

I gasped, "How could you ask such a horrendous question? Who doesn't?"

"Me."

I fixed him with a wide-eyed stare. "Then I will make it my mission to make absolutely certain that from today on, you will _always_ love amusement parks! They're freaking called _amusement_ parks!"

"Fine," he smiled, climbing out of the car.

We skipped – well, I skipped while he calmly walked at my side – up to the gates. It was a Saturday, so the line was ridiculously long, but we just chattered away until we got to the front. We paid for our tickets and I walked with a slight bounce into the park. There was a scent of popcorn mixed with cotton candy and tons of other junk food. I heard the sound of people screaming on roller coasters and the laughter of kids on the smaller rides. I smiled.

"We're going on a roller coaster first!" I declared.

He opened his mouth, as if to object, but I latched onto his arm, dragging him towards the Vortex. We waited for what seemed like hours to me, and then got strapped into the ride. I giggled excitedly, turning to look at him.

I could tell his jaw was clenched, and he had a burning glare set on the area in front of him. He looked like he thought I was leading him to his death.

"Alex. You're not going to die."

"Says you."

"Seriously! It's fun, trust me."

His glare intensified.

"I can hold your hand if you're scared," I mocked.

He turned to look at me, with an indignant scoff.

The ride then lurched forward, and began its steady ascent. We stared at each other, an unspoken challenge currently waging. The ride reached its peak, then dropped. I threw my arms up, screaming in delight. The ride went through several twists and loops before coming to an abrupt standstill. I pouted. It had ended much too soon to my liking.

I then turned to look at Alex. He was wide-eyed, with a faint smile on his face.

"Fun?" I asked.

"I would normally disagree, but…yes."

I smiled at my victory, and we exited the ride, in search of more. We walked around, talking and laughing like idiots. Our proximity became greater throughout the day, and I realized we probably looked like a couple. Even then, I didn't miss the looks other girls were giving him, though he might have. I frowned, moving even closer towards him.

We – I – decided we needed standard junk food for the full experience, so we were currently sharing a bag of cotton candy. I pulled a tuft out and stuck it to his face, giggling like a 5 year old. He didn't see it coming, judging from his expression. He pulled it off and placed it in his mouth.

"Not cool," he said, looking at me darkly.

I screamed girlishly, and began running away. He chased after me, a piece of the fluffy food already in his grasp. Unfortunately, we ran right past the splash zone of a water ride right as it whizzed by us. I froze in shock, and he caught up to me, placing the quickly dissolving candy on my nose. "Gotcha."

I laughed at that, slapping lightly at his chest.

"Aww!"

We turned to see a group of girls – probably around the age of 10 – smiling at us. They turned away in a rush when they saw us looking at them.

We ignored it, and began playfully insulting each others' appearances as we walked towards another ride, both soaking wet.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"So, do you still not like amusement parks?"

He deliberated. "No."

I slapped his arm.

"Okay, yes, I like them." He chuckled.

"Good," I smiled, pleased by my success.

We were currently inside a McDonald's, as we hadn't eaten any real food all day, and were both starving. He'd at first not wanted to go, because he thought I would have some sort of aversion to being seen with him. I all but cussed him out at that.

"You know, I don't see you eating this type of stuff," he said casually.

"There's lots of things I do that you wouldn't expect," I turned my words over in my mind, "That's what she said."

He gave me an odd look.

"And one of them is making 'that's what she said' jokes." I stated simply.

He shook his head, releasing a quiet laugh.

We pretty much devoured our food when we got it, with him surprisingly having no comment on my "unexpected behavior."

We finished scarfing food down our throats, and were walking out the door when a guy ran into Alex.

"Watch it," he barked at us.

"Why don't you, asshole?" Alex snapped at him.

The unnamed guy immediately slammed him against the wall. "You want to take back those words?" he growled.

"No, not really," he challenged.

_That dumbass is going to get himself killed! _I thought. "Hey, stop it!" I shouted, glaring at the unnamed guy.

"Oh, letting a girl fight for you? Nice," he said sarcastically.

"Hey, fucktard," I spat, "Why don't you pull your head out of your ass and leave before I castrate you?"

He stared at me in disbelief, which quickly shifted to anger, "Shut up, bitch!" I wasn't prepared for when he slapped me. My head whipped to the side from the impact, and tears stung my eyes. I looked back at him in fury. I was about to beat the shit out of him when Alex punched him right in the face.

He flew backwards from the sheer force, landing unconscious with a thud.

"Take that, you fucking dick," Alex spat towards the figure.

I stared at him in awe. That was certainly impressive if he could knock him out with a single punch.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his worried eyes examining the huge red mark probably covering the entire side of my face.

"I'm fine," I reached up to tentatively poke the warm skin, wincing when my finger came in contact.

"No you're not. Fuck, this is all my fault," he berated himself.

I snorted, "Your fault? It was my idea to come here. Hell, it was my idea to go out at all in the first place! It's far from your fault."

"No. if I hadn't said anything, this wouldn't have happened," his frown deepened.

"Well, it doesn't matter whose fault it was because it happened, and I'm fine, so forget it."

"You're not _fine_," he hissed.

I frowned.

He sighed. "Sorry, I'm being an ass again. I just…feel like I'm responsible."

"Well don't. You're not my babysitter, are you? There's nothing to worry about." I smiled.

He attempted a smile, but it looked more like a grimace.

"There's something else bothering you," I observed.

He didn't answer.

"Tell me." I commanded.

He sighed again. "…It's just…I feel like wherever I go, I seem to always have problems. That's why I don't like going places."

"I know the feeling."

He looked at me, doubt clouding his features.

"Don't give me that look. I do."

"Really?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yes. A…a while ago…I never left my house – well, my bedroom, really – unless entirely necessary."

"Why?"

I contemplated my answer, slightly worried to explain the exact reason. "…I…had problems when I went places, too."

He looked at me skeptically, "I have a hard time picturing Jamie Miller of all people 'having problems' every time she went outside."

I fidgeted uncomfortably. "Yeah, you're right. Let's um…just go home now," I started walking towards the car.

"Jamie," he called after me.

I ignored him, climbing into the car instead. I watched him come around the front of it, sliding into the seat next to me.

"Hey, tell me what's wrong," he looked genuinely concerned.

"Why? You'll just think I'm being melodramatic."

His expression momentarily became pained, "I'm sorry. I just have issues trusting people. I promise I'll listen. No sarcastic remarks whatsoever," he grinned apologetically.

I laughed at his expression, but it quickly faded. "It's a long story," I warned.

"I have time."

I smiled halfheartedly. "Okay," I began reluctantly, taking a deep breath, "When I was younger, in elementary school, I…was basically the opposite of who I am now. No friends, no happiness. Nothing. I spent every day wishing I would just die because I hated my life so much. Everyone hated me, and went out of their way to make sure I knew that. I had incredibly low self esteem, and absolutely no confidence. I always made sure my hair was covering my face, because otherwise I just felt…exposed. I walked with my head down, making sure I never looked at anyone; it was a useless attempt to have people just leave me alone. I cut myself with whatever I could find, and eventually I figured out how to get razor blades without seeming suspicious. I hated how I looked, and I stopped eating. I cried myself to sleep every night, and dreaded waking up. I just…when I got to high school, I was so desperate to not go back to that, I put my all into being popular…" I trailed off. I hadn't meant to tell him so much, but I just couldn't stop the flow of words. _Now he knows the real me. He'll __**really**__ think I'm a freak now._

He didn't say a thing, just pulled me gently against his chest. I curled against him as my tears flowed endlessly, staining his shirt. He didn't leave me, or push me away in contempt, and the thought made me cry just a little more, though they were happy tears. We just sat there silently, with the occasional sniffle from me, as he stroked my hair. It comforted me for some odd reason, and I drifted off to sleep.

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><p><strong>AN: Tear, tear. I did cry just a **_**little**_**. I was basically writing about how I felt all the time when I went through that. Like I said at the start of this story, this was a self-insert. Now away from my depressing comments! I keep having my MCs have little hug scenes, 'cause they're just so cute w You all were probably hoping for romance *cough* Maddie *cough* but these guys are both damaged goods, so it'll take some time for them to open up enough for that. Think about it, if you spent years of your life thinking no one could ever want you, would you just immediately feel comfortable enough to just start dating someone you've only known…how long? A few days? Just bear with me. Honestly, though the beginning and end were a tad bit heartfelt, I'm not so sure the rest was that great. But who am I? Just some person who constantly degrades herself. If you care enough to leave a review, tell me what you thought about it. The options are: Most horrible thing I've ever read, Sucked, Okay, Good, Great, Most amazing thing I've ever read. Voting begins as soon as you click the Review button.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I just figured out how to view stats on my stories, and I realized how much traffic went down on this over time. I just wanted to say I'm so glad for everyone who's taken the time to review and everything, I never really understood the feeling until I started writing, but it seriously makes my day whenever I get a review, so starting now, whenever someone reviews I will personally PM them. Virtual hugs to everyone! Oh, and I probably should've mentioned this earlier, but I'm kind of taking a break on BM. At least until I finish this story. Now, about the story. The MCs both fell asleep in the same position they were in while awake (With Alex hugging Jamie as she was basically draped over the…thingy…in between the driver and passenger seats.) That is actually not very comfortable, as most of you probably know. Oh, and Jamie's mom is finally going to appear! Fun fun fun fun! Anyhoo, I'm sure you easily get bored reading my erratic thoughts, so…on with the story!**

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><p>I shifted slightly, taking notice of the dull pain in my back from sleeping in an odd position. My eyes opened partially, blinking away the sleepy haze. I stretched, hearing a few pones pop, and slowly became aware of my surroundings.<p>

I was in a car; the sun shining obnoxiously through the windows, and the scent of leather and…something else surrounding me. I brushed the hair covering my face behind my ear, and my hand came in contact with another appendage that didn't belong to me. I traced my fingertips across it lightly, and up the shoulder it was connected to. I halted my actions, recalling the previous day's activities.

"My mom's gonna kill me!" I squeaked.

Alex jumped, ramming his arm into the car horn, causing us to both cry out in panic. "Holy shit, I…" he shook his head, "Never mind."

I let out an awkward laugh.

"So, you probably need to get home, right?"

"I need to, but that doesn't mean I want to." I sighed. "I'm going to die."

"Well, have fun with that."

I gave him a look, but couldn't help the small smile that appeared.

"Hey, I doubt you'll die, just make up something if they're opposed to you being out with a guy," he shrugged.

"Actually, they'd probably be thrilled. My mom's been asking me if I'm a lesbian because I don't have a boyfriend when guys are always following me around."

He snorted. "Your mom sounds cool."

"She is." I sighed, looking around. "But she's not _that_ lenient about stuff like this, so I'll probably still be in deep shit when I get home."

"Would you like to die now or later?"

"I'd like to live a bit longer, but maybe I won't be tortured if I go now."

He nodded, and revved the engine, speeding towards my house.

When we pulled up I stared blankly at the house that now seemed much like a looming execution. "Thanks," I mumbled, climbing out to lean against the door. "Hey, if anyone asks, my last words were 'Balls to you!'" I grinned.

He smirked. "Right. How amazing, I'm the last one to see _the_ Jamie Miller alive. I will always remember this moment."

I flipped him the bird casually, while marching valiantly to my door. I listened to him speed off as I timidly slid the door open. It was unlocked; this was a bad sign.

"Just what do you think you're doing, young lady?"

I flinched. Yep. I was going to die.

"Walking back inside after a lovely morning stroll?"

"Yeah, nice try." My mother frowned, her blue eyes narrowing.

"It was worth a shot," I mumbled.

"Well, what have you been doing? You never came home last night."

I was silent as I thought of an excuse. "I was hanging out with Maddie and Shelby until late, then we fell asleep."

"What were you doing?"

"We were watching movies, gossiping…you know? Being girls," I lied successfully.

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical.

"Yes." I said confidently.

"Then whose car did you just get out of, 'cause I know it wasn't Maddie's or Shelby's."

Or not.

My confident expression slid right off my face, and I stood, frozen, no words coming to mind for a change.

"Was it a boy?"

"No…"

She smirked, though it was small, "Are you going to take the morning after pill?"

"Mom! Oh my gosh, no! I've only known him a few days!"

"Trollop," she mocked me.

"That is so not true. I called him this morning and-"

"A booty call?"

I ignored her, "-we went to Great America. We were there all day and then we ended up falling asleep in the car."

"Yeah, 'cause I haven't used that excuse 100 times when I was your age."

"TMI!"

"I'm just kidding," she giggled devilishly.

I shifted awkwardly. I knew she just liked to make me uncomfortable because she thought it was funny, but that didn't make it any less mortifying.

"Well, I guess I'll let it slide since this is your first offence, and all."

"Thanks."

"Come on, let's eat for a change." She dragged me into the kitchen, pulling out pancake mix and other ingredients.

"So what's his name?" She asked casually while I helped mix batter.

"Hmm?"

"His name. What is it?"

"Oh, you don't know him." I really didn't want to talk about this right now.

"I know that, which is why I'm asking," she smiled.

I sighed. "Alex."

"He cute?"

"…I guess." I hoped she didn't see the light blush in my face.

"Hmm. Had any less-than-pure thoughts about him?" Her tone stayed light.

"Mom! Okay yes, he's a little cute, but I'm not a slut. It's not like I'm going to throw myself at every hot guy I see."

"I hope not. And he's hot instead of cute now?"

"I hate you," I grumbled, my tone dropping to that one no one at school dared to trifle with, but my mom still found enjoyable to poke fun at.

"Good, that means I'm doing my job." She smiled.

"Whatever," I tried to hide my smile.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"Hey! Where you been all of yesterday? We were trying to call you!" Shelby squeaked.

"I know, I was…out."

"Out, huh?" Maddie asked skeptically. "Out doing what?" I heard the smile in her voice.

Maddie, Shelby, and I were currently in a 3-way conversation on our phones, with me trying to explain why for the first time…well, ever…I hadn't responded to any texts or phone calls.

"I…was with a guy." I don't know why I admitted it so easily, but I did, and I couldn't take it back now. But why was I so secretive about everything in the first place?

"Oh my God!" They screamed at the same time, forcing me to hold the phone at a safe distance away.

"I mean, I love that we had the possibility of all being lesbians together and all, but I'm just so glad you finally found a fuckbud- a boyfriend!" Maddie was ecstatic.

I giggled, "He's not my boyfriend. It wasn't even a date, he's just a friend. _Not_ the type of friend you're thinking about, Maddie."

"Is he cute, though?"

"…Yes."

"Just plan the wedding now!" Shelby mocked me through the receiver.

"Shut up. I don't want to date someone just because I find them attractive. I want to actually have a future with someone."

"Aww!"

I laughed.

"I totally get what you're saying, and I think it's adorable, but really, we're in high school. It's kind of stupid to be looking for a soul mate now, don't you think? Just have some fun!" I could just see Maddie putting a hand to her hip.

"Maddie's right. But I'm not going to tell you what you can and can't do. But I can try to discourage you," Shelby joked.

"Thanks guys."

"Any time!"

"Okay! So, back to this boy. What does he look like?" Maddie asked in interest.

"Emo, like in your dreams?" Shelby asked with a mock loving tone.

"Actually…yeah."

Silence.

"OMG! We have to meet him! You better let us meet him! If you don't we will never let you live this down!" Maddie threatened.

"Yes! And then we'll lock you in a closet together for an hour!" Shelby sounded like she was jumping up and down at the thought.

"What goes on in your minds? Oh yeah, the same thing as mine." Suddenly, the barrier broke, and my bubbly side burst forth. "Yeah, he does look emo, but he's so cute! He has shaggy, black hair that always hangs in his eyes – they're gray – and he has a lip ring and…" I paused. "And he's just really nice. He's kinda goofy like me, but at the same time he's all reserved and mysterious." I bit my lip. "I think it's sexy."

"Woah there! You just used the 'S word,'" Maddie giggled.

I groaned, "What I wouldn't give to just…take that lip ring between my teeth and…do all sorts of things…"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! J's gettin' _all_ sorts of crazy right now!" Shelby sounded shocked.

"Yeah. I've never heard you talk about a guy like that."

I blushed slightly. It was true. I had pretty perverted – okay, _really_ perverted – thoughts swirling around in my head all the time, but never focused on one specific person. _Just wait for the wet dreams to start,_ I thought sarcastically. I couldn't say I wouldn't like them, though.

I gasped. "Oh no. I'm…"

"What? You're what?"

"I'm…in Lust."

"…As in Love and Lust?" Shelby inquired.

"I most definitely mean as in that. And now, if I keep thinking like this, I'll never be able to look at him without dying of embarrassment."

I heard nothing but muffled laughter.

"Hey! It's not funny!"

"Oh, believe me, it is." Maddie said, "But I've only ever been in Lust, so I don't know. Actually, my Lust switch is basically always on, so I don't really know any different," she laughed.

"So what's his name?" Shelby asked.

"Hmm?"

"Your sexy emo. What's his name?"

"Oh…" How was I going to tell them? As soon as I said his name, they'd know exactly who he was. "You don't know him."

"Obviously. That's why we want to know!" Déjà vu, much?

I took a deep breath, preparing for 100 different reactions. "…Alex Hawthorne."

Silence. _Dead_ silence.

"I'm sorry, did you just say 'Alex Hawthorne?'" Maddie asked.

"…Yes."

"…I…_really_ don't know what to say to that."

"I don't expect you to. I know his rep, but I really don't think he deserves it."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

She and Shelby knew what went down before we'd known each other. I'd spared them the details, but they still knew. It was only fair she would feel that way about Alex if she had for me.

"I agree." Shelby said.

"I'm glad. I gotta go, guys. I'm exhausted." I yawned, as if proving my point.

"Aww. Fine. Go." Maddie pouted.

"Bye, J."

"Bye."

I groaned, tossing my phone away, where it landed with a soft thud. I rolled over, falling to sleep effortlessly.

**(A/N: Sorry for the interruption, but I strongly suggest listening to "I Like That" by Luciana while reading this next part.)**

"_Can I kiss you?"_

_Alex was standing in front of me, looking sheepish, but with the hint of a smirk on his lips. A blush warmed my cheeks at his request. "Of course."_

_We were in the confines of my room, seated on the edge of my bed late at night. The moon shone through a window, illuminating the gray in his eyes, so they appeared almost silver._

_He slowly leaned forward, his lips barely brushing mine. I turned my head slightly, angling it upwards so I could press them more firmly against his. Before, there had been little tingles on my mouth, but now there was a full on electric shock running through my body._

_I gasped at the feel, and clutched onto his shirt, pulling him closer. I felt the smirk on his lips at my actions, but wasn't deterred in the slightest. He tangled his fingers in my hair, creating wonderful sensations. I did the same, tugging gently as my lips became more urgent, and reveling in the moan I received._

_I didn't hesitate to take the cold piece of metal attached to his mouth between my teeth, and pulled on it. I heard a growl deep inside his throat, and it let out a feeling of desire. He shifted his mouth slightly, taking my lower lip between his own, and sucking on it. He didn't stop there; instead he slid his tongue past my slightly parted lips, slowly raking them over my teeth. I challenged him by intertwining the muscles, making a slow sucking motion._

_I pulled away after a minute, only to push him down onto the bed, where I straddled his hips. He pulled our lips back together, and I rubbed myself against his growing erection, creating delicious friction. We both groaned at the feeling, and I became annoyed by the layer of clothes that needed to be shed. I trailed my lips down his jaw, kissing hungrily along the hard edge. I went lower, nibbling on the soft flesh of his neck. My actions halted when I felt him lick the shell of my ear._

_That did it._

_I yanked my shirt over my head, hearing the seam tear. Oh well, I could buy a new one. He smirked devilishly, in a way that was definitely far too attractive. He removed his own shirt painfully slowly, and began sucking on neck, finding pulse points I didn't even know existed. I gasped, fumbling with the button of his jeans. I managed, yanking them down around his ankles. He looked momentarily surprised, but it was quickly replaced with lust as he turned, switching our positions so he was on top. I smiled, in a way that was far from innocent._

_I shimmied out of my skirt, kicking it carelessly across the room, then unhooked the clasp of my bra, removing it slowly with a wink. He let out a noise that screamed 'Desire' and busied his mouth with my breast. I let out a moan, my fingers twisting into the bedsheets. As he did this, his finger traced the curve of my hip, hooking under the lace of my panties._

_I breathed out a barely coherent 'Yes' and he slid them down. During the action, I realized neither of us had bothered to remove our shoes, with him still in his Converse, and I in my stilettos. For some reason, that just made everything sexier._

_I pulled his body even closer to mine, and became painfully aware there was currently only a thin sheen of fabric separating us. I jerked the offending garment down, giving him a look with no room for excuses. He smirked, giving me the most amazing feeling as he thrust into me._

I gasped, with a heated blush all over my face and neck. _Oh my gosh, did I just have a wet dream? _My body was covered with a sheen of sweat, and I felt a slight dampness in a certain area. The room seemed much too heated for my liking.

Yep. I was definitely in Lust.

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><p><strong>AN: Heheheh, I'm sure all you perverts now have your Smut fix – at least partially – filled. Maddie and Shelby are probably sitting here right now, fapping to it. I kid, I kid. But how do we know for sure, hmm? (; If you were wondering about Jamie's mom, I just wrote in the relationship my mom and I have, so yes, some parents **_**do **_**act like that. Anyway, I actually don't have much to say for a change, so just keep in mind I'll be PMing anyone who reviews from now on. R&R!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am so, so, so, so sorry it took me a millennia to update! I know it's a lame excuse, but I've been so busy with school and everything (transition from 7****th**** to 8****th**** grade is horrible) but you can have it, now! :D Also, since last chappie had a nice, smutty, little smutty smut smut, don't be fooled! When it happens outside of the dream realm, it will be **_**much **_**more descriptive (; This chapter is just retarded and immature, but I decided I needed some humor to balance out all the depressing shit.**

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!**

**In case you didn't read my above author's note ('cause that shit's BORING!) I'm just warning you, this chapter is just idiotic –**_**seriously**_** – because I felt like making some lols. And as you may have noticed, I changed the title of this story. I just felt like it fit a bit better (and it sounds WAY cooler). Also, I'm cancelling "Trollop," due to unforeseen circumstances (I'm so sorry you guys) and, if you read Bloody Memories, I'm going to delete it and start rewriting when I have some time. Why, you might ask? Because my writing wasn't as good as it was for this one (I think) and I kind of messed it up for something I wanted to happen later in the story. Don't worry; I won't change much, I'll just tweak it a little (: And since Jonah wants to be in my story **_**so **_**badly…he shall. But he will be gay. Suck on that! And this is very important (probably). I'm going to be posting this story on FictionPress! Because, before, I didn't know it exsisted, and that it was made for posting stories like this – ones that aren't actual fanfiction. Ooh! AND I got a Twitter account, so message, follow me, whatever! Now be happy with this long-ass chapter since I made you all wait so long. Also, I'm eating a carrot while writing this :3**

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><p>"You <em>slut!" <em>Maddie shouted.

"Shut up, it's not like it actually happened."

"Jamie, you can't feed us bullshit like that. Dreams are your subconscious telling you things; more specifically things that you _want_, so cut the crap," Shelby poked me.

"I don't care. I know that thing about dreams is true, but it's absolutely nothing. Just a dream induced by my currently out-of-whack sex drive, thanks to being a teenager," I stated firmly. Thank God I was finally thinking logically again.

I was already regretting telling my friends about my dream. I hadn't actually meant to say _anything_, but they could tell something was up, and forced it out of me.

I sighed internally. One of the downfalls of having best friends that know you so well.

"Bitch, please. Last night you wouldn't shut up about how much you wanted to fuck him," Maddie berated.

"And those fantasies involved his lip ring," Shelby added.

"Like I said before, everything I said last night was completely ludicrous, because of my current stage in aging; perhaps I should invest in a self-pleasuring device to sate my ever-rising avidity," I frowned.

"J, you're talking Smart Person, again. English." Maddie commanded.

"Fine. Everything I said last night was bullshit, because I'm a teenager, so maybe I should buy a vibrator so I don't have wet dreams from being horny!"

Her and Shelby's mouths each dropped into a little "o" at my choice of words. I usually put things more delicately, so when I didn't, it was rather shocking. Not that they didn't enjoy it.

"I think I love this new Jamie already," Shelby approved.

Maddie nodded.

"Wonderful. I don't want to talk about this anymore," I said irritably, beginning to walk towards the school.

"You better!"

I turned partially, flashing my infamous glare, and they quickly forgot their interest. I'd always thought it was funny that I could be the shortest girl in school – besides Maddie – and still have the ability to inflict fear with a single look. Well, I'd heard I was "fucking scarier than Death itself" when I was mad, especially when that anger was directed toward something. Pair that with the fact that everyone in school knew that if someone dared to wrong me, with something such as a rumor, I wouldn't rest until they were begging for mercy.

The fact that I was rather ruthless and sadistic when aggravated might not have been the best thing, considering my level of power, but I guess all those years of pent up anger and resentment would just come gushing to the surface whenever things like that happened. My past had made me hold no tolerance for things like that. _I refuse to be the victim again._ That was what I had said.

So when I was in a bad mood, people parted in the halls out of fear, not respect.

Which is what was currently happening.

Maddie and Shelby trailed behind me meekly, while I stormed down the hallway. I probably had an aura of flames and black around me from everyone's perspective, but at the time, I didn't care. Apparently, even Alec didn't dare approach us to harass Maddie like he usually did; most likely afraid she would use my current state to her advantage, and my wrath would be inflicted onto him as well. I heard people whispering about who I could be after now, but I didn't take much note. I simply went about my day, oblivious to almost everything in my irritability.

Until lunch.

I sat, glaring at the table in front of me, with my usual group surrounding me. Lucky for them, they knew to avoid me if I was in a bad mood. The reason I was irritated was kind of stupid, the way I saw it. It was partially towards myself, for having that dream in the first place, partially for my friends bothering me about it, and partially for Alex being so fucking hot all the time.

I internally groaned in despair. Why must I be so attracted to "emo" guys and lip rings? And why did he have to fit the quota perfectly _and _be gorgeous? I had to remind myself of my strife to get my hair exactly how I wanted it for the past few years in order to not reach up and yank it out by the roots.

And then I saw him.

He was walking rather leisurely, hands in his pockets, his head slightly downcast with an impassive expression, but the look was familiar to me as being one that didn't attract attention.

Unfortunately, it didn't make him any less attractive.

My mind quickly wandered off to various scenarios. I could just picture the way the light would reflect off his eyes, making them appear almost black, or turning them bright silver. Or the way his cheeks would flush against his pale skin, forming an elegant likeness to his lips, red, and somewhat swollen…

_Oh, fuck my life!_ I thought to myself. _Damn my vivid imagination!_

I crossed my legs, something I never did, in a lame attempt to stop the slight aching in a certain area. Shelby took note of my action – along with my strained expression, and dilated pupils – before Maddie did, but neither wasted any time to drag me from the table, through the entire courtyard, and into the far bathroom with me pretty much kicking and screaming the whole way.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I growled.

"J, I know that look, so you better just get in that stall and do it," Maddie commanded.

"Do what?"

"You know." she looked at me as if it was obvious.

When I still didn't respond, she sighed, making a wiggling motion with her index finger.

"…Point at something?"

She let out a noise of aggravation. "No. Maybe this'll make more sense to you," she made her hand into a "C" shape, bringing it down in front of her thighs, and jerking it back and forth.

"Why didn't you just say 'masturbate?'" I asked.

"Because! That's just…weird."

"I'm amazed you of all people would be bothered by the word 'masturbate.'" I smirked.

"Whatever. Anyway, just go in there and get it done," she motioned to the stall nearest to us.

"_What?_ Fuck no, I'm not doing that!" I shook my head rapidly.

"Yes you are. If you don't you're going to do something you'll _really_ regret," she looked at me sternly.

"Like jumping on a certain black-haired boy," Shelby chided.

"I will not," I replied indignantly, jutting my chin out defiantly.

"Yes, you will. Hell, you'd probably drag him into the nearest closet on campus," Maddie placed a tiny hand on her hip.

"You think she'd take the time to do that?" Shelby scoffed. "She'd start trying to do him in the middle of the hallway."

"You guys are really supportive," I growled.

"Yep. Now go," Maddie pushed my lightly towards the stall.

"I never agreed to this!"

"We don't care. Shelby? Help?"

Shelby nodded, and they both cornered me, pushing me back into the stall while I attempted to escape.

"No!" I squeaked. "I refuse to be treated like an animal!"

"Too bad, you need to get in your cage," they snickered, shutting the door in my face.

"…You guys do realize these doors lock from the _inside_, right?"

"We know," they said.

"But we're in front of the door, so if you try to get out, we'll just put you back in," Maddie said nonchalantly.

"Fuck you guys," I hissed.

"You're welcome."

I stood, my arms around my shoulders, trying to think of a way to get out. Honestly, my only option was to climb under the stall and try to run, but that wouldn't work if they were in front of it. I could always try to slide under the one I was trapped in, into the one to its left and attempt to get out. It was probably my only shot, but my clothes were brand new, and I certainly wasn't going to ruin them on the floor of a bathroom.

I sighed.

_It couldn't be…all…too horrible. Right?_ I thought, grimacing.

"Oh, and I'll know whether or not you're actually getting off in there," Maddie threatened.

"Really? And how would you know that?" I asked dryly.

I heard a muffled giggle. "I think we all know the answer to that one."

I rolled my eyes, wondering if I could fake it. Probably. I'd always been a good actress.

I shifted my skirt around a bit, thinking of how I would go about this. _What if I…? No, that's just horrible; I'll feel like a pervert! _I worried my lip between my teeth. _Well, I guess if it's the only way…_

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall, attempting to hold back the feeling of pure corruption as my fantasies clouded my mind.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"Dumbass, you're not supposed to freaking scream his name! The whole fucking school could've heard you!" Maddie hissed.

Shelby attempted to stifle her giggles.

We were currently walking back towards the cafeteria after my forced pervert session. I felt rather light-headed and weak now, with a red tinge most likely covering my face and neck. The feeling was bittersweet; I was extremely tired, but also assuaged.

I hadn't actually _done_ anything; it had all been in my head, which proved I had an amazing – and absolutely terrifying – imagination. I'm not entirely sure how you can get off to a…thought…but somehow, I did it.

Unfortunately, because of my lapse in self-control, I hadn't been thinking clearly in the slightest, and ended up crying out, as Maddie was currently berating me for.

_So, I basically just had a self-induced orgasm without even moving. Awesome, _I thought. _No, no, no, this is bad, not awesome! If I don't keep myself in line, I __**am**__ going to do something I regret!_ I worried my lip between my teeth. _Why does the world hate me?_

I sighed. Well, technically, it was my fault, not the world's, but I'd always had a habit of deflecting blame from myself when things didn't make sense.

I heard Maddie huff. "Well, hopefully no one heard you just screaming your head off about a social…what's that word you use? It starts with a P."

"Pariah."

"Right! A social pariah that would reduce all of us to laughingstocks if anyone were to find out about your little fantasies. I can't deal with that!" Her eyes widened as she pointed dramatically to herself.

"Right. I'm sorry; I don't know why I developed a crush in the first place." I frowned. I'd always considered things like crushes bad. I'd always felt it was a sign of weakness, some piece of dirt someone could get on you to wreak havoc on your life. In my social position, I really shouldn't have had to worry about that, but I couldn't help it. It was as if my sole purpose in life was to worry; just do nothing but worry, worry, worry…

Maddie looked as if she wanted to agree, but her expression quickly turned remorseful. "Ugh. No, I'm being a bitch about all of this. You can't help who you like and blah, blah, blah, and it's not my place to complain about everything and stuff."

I smiled.

"Same here," Shelby grinned. "Everyone already thinks I'm a freak, so who cares, right?"

"No. I'm dragging you all through this field of thorns, and-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, J." Shelby held a hand in front of my face. "It's _no one's fault_. Okay? Now stop being emo again and just forget about it. Wanna know why? Because…"

She winked at Maddie, and they shared a smile, screeching out a song at the top of their lungs. "WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! ONCE WE KNOW THAT WE ARE, WE'RE ALL STARS, AND WE SEE THAT, WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! AND IT SHOWS, WHEN WE STAND, HAND IN HAND, MAKE OUR DREAMS COME TRUUUUUUUUEEE!"

God, that song was horrible.

"_Please_, make it stop," I begged.

They did nothing but laugh at my pained expression, so that I had to join in, tears stinging my eyes.

"Better?"

"Better."

"Good! Now," Maddie said deviously, "I think J is going a _little_ crazy for someone, and it's up to us to make sure that only the worst-case scenario can happen."

My eyes bulged. There was no way in hell.

"Ooh! What about telling him? That's a good idea, right?" Shelby bounced slightly.

"Of course."

I gritted my teeth silently, thinking of ways to murder them and get away with it. I was smart; I could probably find a way. "I'm telling you both right now that if you even think about doing so much as _hinting_ at _anything_ involving the two of us," I paused for dramatic effect, "when they go looking for your bodies, there won't be anything to find."

They fell silent, their faces expressionless as they wondered if I was serious or not. Apparently, they decided I was.

"Gotcha. Lips. Sealed."

_The Evil Dictator wins again,_ I thought wryly.

I made a barely audible noise of approval, strutting back to the cafeteria with my head held high.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"So, let me get this straight. You, 4.2 GPA student, need tutoring."

"4.3 as of now. And yes, I do. Though I do well _enough_ in the subject, I would prefer grasping the full mechanics of it in order to perform exceptionally so that in the future, if I were to require knowledge of the subject once again, I would have easy access to it."

He looked skeptical. "You're taking Pre-Calculous. I hardly deem that being necessary in the future – or ever."

I rolled my eyes. "Just let me in for fuck's sake, I'm holding this damn heavy textbook that probably weighs more than I do, and it's starting to make my arm hurt."

His lip twitched downwards. "Right, sorry." He extended an arm to take it from me, and I complied, sighing in relief.

Until of course I noticed the way his muscles flexed from the strain of my book in his arm. It wasn't very slender or scrawny-looking, instead appearing very toned and…_buff_.

I screamed internally. It was nowhere near fair how the world had just _thrown_ this guy in my direction, who basically fit my _every damn criteria_.

Hot. Check.

Smart. Check.

Funny. Check.

Sarcastic. Check.

All…muscle-y. Check.

Yep. The world hated me.

I averted my gaze, attempting to calm my haggard thoughts. "So, how did you know I was in Pre-Calc anyway?"

"We're in the same class," he answered wryly.

"Oh." I frowned. All that time, you'd think I would've noticed something like that. "Well, I have a horrible memory, so whatever." I waved a hand dismissively.

He scoffed. "Here," there was a loud thud as my book dropped onto a long, intricately carved table. "I can – what, tutor you? – here. It's the easiest place." Something about his words caused his eyes to creep towards me, then turn away quickly.

"Great," I beamed, "Okay, so a clothing store sells a shirt costing $30.00 for $74.00 and a jacket costing $66.00 for $149.60. If the markup policy of the store is assumed to be linear, write an equation that expresses retail price 'R' in terms of cost 'C.'" I frowned. "Ugh, this is boring. How about I ask you questions instead?"

He shook his head.

"Yes! I demand it!"

I noticed the slight curve of his lip as he tried to hide a smile, but he still shook his head.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"_Please?"_ I did my best to make my most adorable face.

"No."

"Fine," I huffed, turning away from him and pouting, like a child.

He ignored me, and continued fiddling with his phone as he'd secretly been doing for the past few minutes.

I stayed put, making irritated noises every once in a while to draw attention to myself, but there was still no response. I grit my teeth, finally turning around. I slipped his phone from his hands and dashed down that never-ending hall I remembered so well, and surprisingly, found his room on my first try.

I'd noticed he had chased after me, so I quickly shut the door and locked it, smiling manically.

"Jamie, are you fucking kidding me right now?"

"Hmm…I'd say not."

"Seriously? Just give me back my phone."

"No can do," I replied in a sing-song voice, "I'm not used to being ignored, and once that happens, I become childish, and once that happens, I become an idiot."

I heard him sigh.

"You have to promise to answer my questions!"

"No."

"Okay then. Hmm…Who can I call? Your mother? 'Hey Mom, can you pick me up a box of condoms, 'cause me and my girlfriend are totes gonna fuck tonight.'"

"Both my parents know there's no way in hell I'd have a girlfriend."

My brow furrowed. "…'Mom, I have a crush on Chad.'"

Silence.

"Move; I'm kicking the door down."

"Well, if you insist…"

"Jamie, just open the damn door, please." His voice sounded tired, and it made me melt just a little.

I reached a tentative hand out towards the knob, unlocking it and peaking through the small portion I opened. "Password?"

"Balls. Now open the door."

"I find it funny that was actually what I was thinking."

He smiled halfheartedly, brushing past me into the large room. I didn't realize how small I felt in it alone, but he made it seem much brighter for some reason.

I hadn't really noticed before, but it was nice, if not a bit cold looking. Nearly everything was gray, with lime green accents. Normally, I would've criticized it for its lack of color, but I liked it for some strange reason. It seemed like him; muted, cool, collected, but with the occasional pop of crazy.

"What do you want to know?" He sounded dejected.

"…Why do you seem sad, at the moment? Well, besides my display of ridiculousness prior, or was I really that bad? Am I really that bad? Oh no, it's all my fault, I'm such an idiot-"

"Jamie." He smirked. "Calm down. It's not your fault, okay?"

"…Okay." I frowned, I still wasn't convinced.

"Well, what do you want to ask?"

"Is green your favorite color?"

He looked as if he were about to ask me something along the lines of 'What the fuck are you talking about?' but I interrupted.

"Don't ask questions; you should expect things like this from me by now."

He gave me an exasperated look, which quickly morphed into a small smile. "Yeah, green and gray, if you couldn't tell from the décor."

"So I take it you're happy with your eyes," I joked.

He snorted. "Yeah, you could say that…" he drifted off cryptically, clearly neglecting to add some unspoken words.

I didn't comment on it.

"So…Seen any good porn lately?" I asked, half serious.

"What-?" He bit his lip. "You know, I'm not even going to ask."

"That means you're starting to understand how my conversations work."

"I'm curious…How do you talk like this without being labeled as a weirdo?"

"Oh, I don't. Only with my close friends…and…you…" I worried my lip between my teeth, frowning in a mix of anger and embarrassment. _Great, J, you just made yourself sound like an obsessed fangirl. Wonderful._

He said nothing, as did his face, but I caught a glimpse of something in his eyes that said otherwise.

"Okay! Should I get to the stupid questions now?"

"Yes?"

"Good. Music of choice?" I asked, a sarcastic lilt to my voice as my eyes trailed over the Escape the Fate shirt covering the upper half of his body. _Unfortunately. No! You can __**not**__ think like that!_

A wry smile stretched over his lips. "Screamo, Alternative, Rock, depressing shit; not really your type of music."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Not my type of music? Bitch. Please. What do you _think _I listen to, then?"

"Oh I don't know…Katy Perry, Never Shout Never…"

I frowned. "_Actually,_ I prefer what you consider _your_ type of music," I jutted my chin out, "So STFU."

His eyes widened at that.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just…didn't think you were the type."

"The type to do what? Listen to good music?"

"Sorry." He smiled apologetically, and it was just the cutest damn thing ever.

"Apology accepted. But I will admit I do like Never Shout Never," I mumbled.

And he laughed at me. _Laughed._

"Shut up, they're a good band! I bet if you took the time to listen to them, you'd even like them."

"Sure."

I pursed my lips. This would only end how I wanted it. "Do you have a computer?"

"Um, yeah. Why?"

"Where is it?" I asked, ignoring his question.

"Over there," he gestured toward the desk placed across the room, with a shiny, black laptop placed atop it. "Why?"

"Because," I shrugged.

I bounced over to it, sitting in the desk chair and turning it on.

"_In a sitch like this you've gotta think, and I don't think you think about the way he thinks, but I know you live life for yourself…"_

"Make that God-awful noise stop!"

"Shut up. It's a good song," I pouted.

"Yeah, if you like all that bullshit."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"Alex, you know damn well – or you should – that if you bring up anything around me without an answer, I'll find out, no matter what."

"I'm aware."

"Then tell me!" I stamped my foot.

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV."

"Well, usually, but it depends-No! This is not about that! Tell me!" I pleaded.

"No."

There was no question about the fact that if daggers could shoot out of my eyes, Alex would be pinned to the wall right now.

"Okay." I responded after a bit.

"That's it? Judging from your usual disposition, I'd think you'd have more to say." I could tell by his expression he was teasing me, but he looked so good doing it.

I shrugged, forgetting the song on the computer that had ended quite a while ago, and sitting cross-legged on his bed beside him. "Here, now I'll talk."

"I'm not sure if I should be happy, or scared."

I laughed, smacking his arm lightly, causing him to smile. "Be afraid. Now. Hmm…" I trailed off, thinking of questions I could ask.

Alex actually looked interested – if only mildly – rather than as though expecting a slow death.

I smiled. "Now. Don't say I didn't warn you. I have no problem asking _anything._ Anything."

"I'm prepared."

"Good." I smiled manically. "What-"

"One condition first," he interrupted, smiling playfully.

"Yes?"

"For every question you ask, I get to ask one."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"'Because' is not a valid response."

"Sure it is."

"No."

"Yes."

"Jamie…" he angled his head down, while still looking at me through his dark hair, making the most adorable puppy-dog eyes. _I thought only I could pull that off!_ I thought. _I think my heart just exploded out of cuteness…_

"…Because…that's…not how it works." _I refuse to be swayed by my ridiculous sex drive…_

"Why not?" He practically whimpered the words, but they somehow still sounded so…masculine. _I refuse to be swayed…_

"Because I'm used to power, and I don't feel like sharing it," I pouted, angling my head slightly away from him.

He chuckled.

"I don't care. I want answers, too."

I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, "…Fine."

"Well, you already asked me one…"

"You know what? Fine. Ask away."

"Favorite color?" He smiled.

"How original. Well, I like all the colors, so I'd say rainbow, but I'm more drawn to purple; yeah, so purple."

"I'd picture more of a…pink or…yellow."

"Why; are they more happy-like?"

"Well…yeah."

"I will not rest until you don't assume things about me," I vowed.

"I don't doubt that."

"Okay, my turn! Um…" I searched his face, looking for inspiration. Then my eyes touched on his lips, "If you could get another piercing, what would it be?"

His response was instantaneous. "Dick piercing."

I was silent. Until I couldn't help the laughter bursting from my lips. "Seriously? Please tell me you're joking!"

"I am."

"…Was that a lie?"

"No. Uh, I'd say another lip piercing," he shrugged.

"Opposite side?"

He nodded.

"Wait," I held a hand out, "We need to ask more interesting questions."

"Yeah, I guess…"

"Yes."

"Um…" He looked at me.

"As if I know. Mm…craziest sexual fantasy?"

"I'm not answering that."

"I didn't expect you to," I smiled. "Ooh! I know!"

"What?"

"Well, I know you're not going to ask any interesting questions without some sort of motive, therefore, we can have a contest on the most risqué," I smiled devilishly.

"No. No, no, and no again."

"_Why?"_

"Because that's just…ridiculous."

"It is not. Now stop being so boring," I frowned.

"Fine. But what does the…'winner' get or whatever?"

"It's more like what they _don't _get," my smile grew just that much more evil, "Whoever loses has to buy something rather embarrassing."

He was silent.

"Like…You should buy…a Justin Beiber biography!" I giggled.

"Fine, then you have to buy a vibrator."

My expression probably looked something like :O

"You're on," my eyes narrowed, with a smirk playing across my lips.

"Good," his expression mirrored mine.

"And we'll know who wins when the person who is asked the question has problems responding _honestly_."

"Fine by me. First kiss?"

"Mike Anderson. Oh come _on_, that's not bad at all! Favorite porn site?"

"YouPorn. Ever masturbated?"

"Yes." I rose an eyebrow. "Ever wanted someone to give you head?"

"…Yes. Ever _given_ someone head?"

"No. Ever rubbed one out while thinking about someone?"

He was silent.

"Well?"

He said nothing, but angled his head away from me so that his hair mostly obscured the scarlet color of his face.

"Hmm, looks like I win," I sang proudly. "Oh, and we're going to that bookstore now."

He sighed, "Fine."

"Good to see you're so ecstatic about that," I said sarcastically. "C'mon." I latched onto his wrist, pulling him up and dragging him out of the house.

"My car this time. I think I want people to assume I kidnapped you," I smiled.

"Whatever, but don't be shocked when everyone's asking you about it," he mocked me.

"Why? That would be interesting."

He just shook his head, chuckling quietly to himself as I drove off to the nearest Barnes & Noble.

When we got there, I briefed him on the fact that I would _not_ be going in with him, and that, if asked by anyone, he would be under obligation to say he was buying the book for himself. The object in question also had to be prominently in view. I was to stand nearby, watching everything happen, and feel free to laugh.

Which is what happened.

He tried to hide his pained expression, which he mostly did, but I couldn't help but feel bad just a bit – only a bit; I was still a mean person after all.

He received many odd looks on his way to the register, which made my smile grow larger with each one. The girl working the register was young, probably our age, and her eyes lit up when she saw the book – another crazy fangirl – but the look faded when she saw the person holding it, and it quickly morphed to confusion. I giggled.

"Um, is this for your sister?" she asked skeptically.

The moment I'd been waiting for!

"Um…no…"

"Girlfriend?"

"No…"

"…Then who?"

There was a long pause. "…Me," he mumbled quietly.

I couldn't help the uncontrollable laughter emitting from my mouth. I just found the situation too damn funny.

"Okay…" the girl gave him one, last odd look before scanning it and handing it back to him while he paid her.

He took the book unhappily, walking towards the doors I quickly made my way over to, as well.

"I'm sorry, but that was hilarious."

"Whatever, you're going to hell."

"Oh, I already know, I just figure I might as well make the best of it before that happens." I smiled innocently up at him.

"Whatever you say, midget." He mocked me, reaching a hand down to pat the top of my head.

"Hey, don't mess up my hair. And I can't help it I'm short!"

"Yeah, you're just 'fun size,' right?" he asked sarcastically.

"Right!"

"Sure. But I'm just saying, I've met 13 year-olds taller than you."

"It's not my fault they're freaks. You're a freak. You're freakishly tall!"

"Not really _freakishly_ tall, but yeah, I guess I'm tall."

"Hell yes, you're tall. How tall _are_ you by the way?" I asked, my interest in knowledge flaring up again.

"Taller than you," he smirked.

"I meant in measurements," I uttered between my teeth.

"I think I'm about 5'10''or 11."

I was expressionless.

"I'm only 5'4''…"

"Exactly," he smiled down at me.

"Well, I'm a _girl_, I'm not supposed to be 6 feet tall!"

"Yeah. Well, your height suits you. For some reason, I think you'd look strange if you were tall."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Jamie!"

I whirled around at the sound of my name. Considering we were in a public place, it could be anyone.

"Hey! Over here!"

My gaze focused on a quickly waving arm to my right. Oh no. It was Natalie.

Natalie was the school's biggest gossip. She knew anything and everything about everyone, and never hesitated to share her findings.

Want to know whose party you should go to this weekend? Ask Natalie.

Want to know who got drunk and hooked up with their best friend's crush? Ask Natalie.

Want to know if anyone's been talking about you? Ask Natalie.

And the fact that she was here, right now, was _far_ from a good thing.

"Hey, Natalie," I did my best to smile; it was too late to pretend I hadn't seen her.

"Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you in like, forever!" She squealed, hugging me tightly.

"True. Your hair looks so nice. How do you get it to cooperate?" I asked, stroking a section of her cinnamon-colored locks.

"Oh, this? I don't know, it's just naturally like that," she bragged.

I attempted to shoo Alex from sight while she was distracted by the compliment. He understood what I meant after a minute, and began slinking away.

"Well, I for one, am jealous."

"No, your hair's pretty too, your curls always look so natural."

"Thanks."

"Oh. And who is this?"

_Fuck._

"Who?"

"Him." She gestured to Alex's retreating figure.

"…Oh…um…a friend…"

"Well, a friend of Jamie Miller's is a friend of the entire student body." She smiled. "Hi, I'm Natalie. And you are…?"

"…Alex."

"Okay, well, aren't you going to turn around? It's much easier to talk to people that way."

He turned slowly, facing her rather reluctantly.

I saw the recognition dawn in her eyes. "…Uh…hi…" She gave me a look that clearly screamed "What the hell?"

"…Natalie, this is Alex…" I tried my best to seem casual.

He made no attempt at conversation.

"Um…Well, I gotta go," Natalie gave me a halfhearted wave as she walked away.

"Well, now we know what the whole school's going to be talking about tomorrow."

"…Yeah. I'm sorry."

"For what? Forcing your presence on me?" I giggled.

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."

"Oh come on! I've told you I don't know how many times I don't give a crap about people seeing us together. I mean, we are friends, right?"

"If that's what you consider us, yes."

"I'm not the only one who calls the shots here. You do know that, right?"

"Yeah. I'm just not used to people wanting to be friends with me."

"Well, I do," I beamed, "So get used to it."

He smiled after a minute. "I have a feeling you're not the type of person I can get used to."

"I have a feeling I'm not."

"Then we can agree on something for a change."

"Good."

"Good."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know, that was kind of a weird ending, but I'm just not in a happy mood right now, and the chapter just seemed to be dragging on so…yeah. Again, I am so, so sorry for cancelling "Trollop" it's just, my personal life is going through a bit of a rough patch right now. Thank you for waiting so long for this stupid chapter, I would have posted it right when it was finished, but my internet is down right now. Again, I'm sorry, and just…thanks.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay, you guys, I know I said I was quitting all of this, but I just love it way too much, and my drama is over, and writing just makes me happy. I'm sorry if I freaked you guys out, but I'm still writing for now! You can't get rid of me that easily! And I'm also so sorry, for cancelling "Trollop." I made a really stupid rash decision, and deleted all record of the story even existing, but then I looked in my recycle bin, and found it! Yay! So that will be put back up and continued eventually. Jonah shall be briefly mentioned in this chapter. I couldn't think of how to fit you in quite yet, sorry! Ugh, I was just reading my last chapter I posted (not the little emo note "Farewell" I mean the last actual chapter. I'm probably going to just delete that "chapter", because it's useless to me, now) out of boredom, and for some reason, it just sounded horrible. Meh, have some high school drama. You're welcome, Hurt/Comfort lovers (:**

* * *

><p>"Is it true you're really friends with Alex Hawthorne?"<p>

"Don't you think he's weird?"

"Did he blackmail you?"

I continued walking down the hallway, attempting to ignore the frenzied questions being thrown at me from other students. My expression most likely appeared tired, and somewhat dejected. _Damn, is this what celebrities go through all the time?_

These questions were really starting to get on my nerves, but a sudden idea flashed through my head.

"Yes, we're friends – good ones, actually – and no, he didn't blackmail me."

"Then why were you hanging out with him?" A tiny Freshman asked.

"Because we're friends," I stated simply.

My response brought a torrent of even more questions.

"Hey!"

The chaos subsided almost instantaneously.

"No more questions right now, I need to get to class." I shot the crowd a warning look.

There were some mumbled words, and a couple of huffs, but nothing serious, for which I was grateful. I strode off towards my first period, and happened to run into the other object of discussion.

"'Ello, fine morning today, don't you think, good sir?" I asked him in my horrible British accent.

"Yes, perfect for gossip," he replied sarcastically.

"Well, you know the Rumor Mill…" I smiled wryly, returning to my normal voice. The Rumor Mill was what we called gossipers in our town, and they were very productive. "Ooh! People are coming. Let's walk to class together."

He rolled his eyes, falling into step beside me as I laughed at a joke he hadn't made.

"We should totes hang this weekend," I smiled, my voice slightly louder than necessary.

"What, and get our nails done together, too?" he mocked me under his breath with a smile.

"Of course."

We received many odd looks on our way there, but I ate them up; there was always something I found enjoyable about messing with people's heads.

"Now, what's the point of this, really?" He raised an eyebrow suspiciously, with a smirk.

"No point. Just…for fun," I shrugged.

"Right…"

"I _am_ right."

He said nothing, just rolled his eyes and chuckled quietly.

I beamed.

The day passed by rather enjoyably, with both of us always at each others' side. The odd looks increased throughout the day, but I was still the same person who loved attention, so I didn't mind. Lunch was especially hilarious, since I instructed him to sit with me, much to the dismay – which caused my slight irritation – of my usual company. He refused vehemently.

"Jamie, there's no way in hell I'm sitting there, surrounded by a bunch of people that hate me." He frowned. The motion caused the light to flicker off his lip ring, drawing my attention to it.

"Mm. Can you take that thing off? Like, are you able to?" I asked, honestly curious. I'd considered getting one ages ago, and heard it was possible, but was never quite sure.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your lip ring. Is it actually possible to take it out?"

"…Uh, yeah. Why?" He bit at it inconspicuously as he asked.

"Just wondering. Could you take it out? I want to see," I asked eagerly. I had no real idea why I cared so much, but I'd always been interested in odd things, from the time I was a small child.

He looked as though about to shoot me down, as usual, but something in his expression changed and he reached up, carefully taking it off.

I watched in a mix of fascination and curiosity. "Have a lot of experience taking it out?" He'd done it quickly, so I wondered.

"Not really, just became a little wary after I almost ripped my mouth open once," he smirked.

My eyes widened. "Really? That must have been terrifying…" I never really had much of a pain tolerance at all – which was ironic, considering I used to be a cutter – so the idea of things like that happening really did terrify me.

The funny thing was, I was very clumsy, and once split the top of my own foot open using some unconventional method, so that I required stitches. And it entranced me. I was too busy staring at how "cool" the inside of my foot looked to notice the pain. Basically, I was interested in the visionary, but not the feeling side of the process.

"Not really. I thought it was pretty cool," he laughed at the memory. "My parents were freaking out. I mean, yeah, hurt like a bitch, but it was kinda…fun…in a way."

I snorted.

"Shut up, as if you've never done something stupid by accident."

I held a poker face. "You're right, actually."

"Ha."

"Yeah, I cut the top of my foot open when I was 10. Needed 9 stitches. I still have no idea how I got it, since I was on the floor of my room, stood up, then I noticed I was bleeding and my foot was cut open. So yes, I'm very accident-prone."

"Interesting."

"Quite. Now, you're going to sit with me, since I just spilled an embarrassing childhood memory."

"The answer is still no," he replied evenly.

"Oh sorry, I can't seem to find a fuck to give. Look, I'm dragging you over there with me whether you like it or not," I threatened.

He fixed me with a pointed stare, angry and pleading at the same time.

At the moment, I didn't care.

"Come on," I ordered, latching onto his wrist and dragging him behind me. He followed with surprisingly little difficulty.

"Now, don't be all awkward; just act like a badass and they'll learn to respect you, no matter what," I instructed on the way there.

"What? Just act like I run the school, even though I don't? Makes total sense."

"It does. They sense fear," I responded half-seriously.

He laughed at that, and I beamed, glad he'd understood I was joking.

Mostly.

I could feel the eyes boring into my back as we giggled like children, not caring…all too much…about what everyone was thinking. I waved the thought from my mind, and continued my gallant stride towards my center-stage seat, Alex in tow.

"Hey guys," I responded with a sweet smile. It had nothing to do with my appreciation for them, and everything to do with the enjoyment I was getting from watching everyone's "WTF?" expressions.

"Hey," a few people responded lamely. Most were still sending odd glances between Alex and me.

"Well, what's all the fuss about?" I inquired, though I knew perfectly well. "A _friend_ and I are just sitting at a table. Big deal."

No one bothered responding to my question, which was a first. I would have been annoyed had I not found the situation so amusing.

Instead, I sat down, looking to my usual gossip buddies. "So? Anything new in the Rumor Mill?"

"Oh…there's a new student," Natalie squeaked, apparently bored with sending confused and sometimes hateful looks towards Alex.

"Really? Who?"

"Don't really know him. Heard his name's Noah or something. Everyone thinks he's gay."

"Seriously? I've always wanted a gay best friend!" I squealed.

"Oh my gosh, me too. We should see if we run into him today, I'd be like, so happy!"

We continued on for a while, going on about how much we wanted to finally make a gay friend. I moved to brush my bangs from my face, and noticed something.

Alex was gone.

"Um, Natalie, I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay."

I knew he – probably – wouldn't have just gotten up and left with me right next to him, and there weren't many options to go on, but the one I really hoped it wasn't seemed to be the most logical.

I started walking at a quick pace towards the far bathrooms, and broke into a sprint once I was out of sight of the cafeteria. I heard the semi-familiar sounds of what I dreaded to see once I passed that corner, and pushed myself to run just that much faster.

The sight before me caused a numb feeling to course through my small frame.

A small circle of red was there, making a ridiculous amount of noise, and moving about quite a lot. A dark figure was slumped halfway against the wall, small trails and splatters of red covering their face.

"What…the…_fuck?_" I called in my most menacing voice.

The rowdy jocks jumped at the sound of my voice. And it was currently a very scary one. My eyes skimmed over their pathetic attempts to hide the current situation at hand.

"You don't really think I'm that stupid, do you?" I growled, stalking forward slowly. I wanted to laugh at the fear on their faces.

No one said a word.

"Is anyone going to answer me?" I asked, my voice both carefree and deadly at once.

Silence.

"Matt." I called out to one of the boys trying to hide.

He looked terrified, which made me smile maliciously.

"Now, Matt, would you mind explaining what's going on?"

"Oh…uh…"

"I can't hear you, would you mind coming up here?" My tone stayed light, but my smile was far from friendly.

He hesitated, before shuffling reluctantly to where I was standing with my arms crossed. He kept a distance of a few feet between us, but I could tell he didn't think it was enough.

"Well?"

"Uh…"

"Don't mind me, just tell me what happened."

"Well…Um…Brett, and some other guys, uh…"

"What did they do, Matt?"

"They…uh…started messing with this Alex kid a little bit…and…"

"And?"

"…And uh…started fighting with him."

"Fighting, or something else?" I asked. I had all the confirmation I needed; I just wanted to hear him say it.

"…Um…something else, I guess…"

"And did you have anything to do with it, Matt?"

"Um…"

"Did you?"

"…Kind of…"

"What is 'kind of,' Matt? Did you or not?"

"Uh…yeah."

"Aw, Matt," I started, slinking closer towards him with a mock loving expression. "I remember when we went on those few dates together. You got so happy, thinking we were together," I laughed humorlessly. "The reason I wouldn't become official is because…you're kind of an asshole," I whispered, my face mere inches from his.

I smiled, backing away from him to face the others. "Would anyone else care to remove themselves from this situation? Don't lie; you know how I _always_ find out the truth."

Silence.

"Hm. Matt, I know about you cheating on your girlfriend, since it was with one of my best friends." I was referring to Maddie, but she was pretty much every guy's "go-to" so that much was clearly obvious. "Same goes for the rest of you," I stared pointedly at them.

"Except for you, Brett."

His head whipped in my direction. "What?"

"Don't act like I didn't see you checking out Tyler's ass the other day," I scoffed.

His expression became mortified, much to my amusement, and the others simply stared, confused.

"And it is a nice ass, Tyler, but not many people – ones still stuck in the closet included – will feel the same way once I'm done with you. The same for the rest of you."

"Except I have no steady relationship to speak of, and I'm pretty damn straight."

I recognized that voice almost immediately, and it sparked the little flicker of anger I'd held before.

"So, whatcha gonna do to me, pretty girl?" His voice arrogantly drifted towards my ears before I saw the classic, styled blonde hair and cobalt eyes.

"Don't address me in that manner," I spat. "And why don't you wait and find out?"

"But it'd be so much more fun for you to play with me now," he winked.

"Chad, I can honestly say you repulse me. Now fuck off."

"Aw, I'm hurt, Jamie."

"That's the point. Now get out of here."

"But I prefer getting into things so much more," I didn't miss the innuendo in the slightest.

"You are repugnant!"

"Hey, no need to use big words, there's enough big things here right now."

_Okay now he's just __**trying**__ to piss me off._

"I'm pretty sure your stupidity doesn't count as a viable object."

"I think we both know what I'm talking about."

"I don't think we do."

"Do you want to find out, then?"

My head was about to explode if I didn't punch this douchebag in the face already! Or worse…

"I honestly hold no interest in your mind games, _Chad, _now if you would please at least attempt to_ pretend _you are a mature human being, I would appreciate it."

He said nothing after that, instead just smirked back in that irritating way. And then he started walking towards me. _Oh God, no…_

"Aw, I'm sorry, Jamie. Don't be mad," he said, in a mock impression of what was probably all the idiots surrounding him.

"I'm just shocked at your audacity." I replied calmly in a low voice.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, his voice the same volume as mine.

"The fact that you beat up your own brother astounds me."

That was all I had to say for his demeanor to shift entirely. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't think for one second I don't know you guys are related. He didn't even have to tell me, I could figure that much out."

"When?" He forced the word between his teeth, his eyes now hardening to something more like ice than pools of seawater.

"A while now. Since we had that little get-together at your house."

His eyes seemed to become colder at that.

"No one will believe you."

"And why won't they? Aren't you forgetting? I'm '_the_ Jamie Miller'" I mocked his earlier title of me.

He had nothing to say after that, but his expression softened after a bit, and he backed away slowly, his smirk growing with each step.

I waited until the rest of them had gone – frightened off by my harsh glares – to run towards Alex's crumpled form. I was terrible. I'd completely forgotten him in my need for vengeance.

I assessed his condition; he seemed pretty bloodied and bruised, but there was nothing major I could see aside from a shallow gash on his left cheek.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry…" I whispered.

"Hey, it's fine," he reassured me quietly.

_No it is not! And how are __**you**__ telling __**me **__everything's fine while __**you're**__ the one that just got the crap beat out of you?_ That was what I wanted to scream at him, but I didn't.

I knew he was stubborn, like I was, and arguing about it would just delay the time I needed to get him somewhere he could heal. Or at least clean him up.

"Give me your hand," I instructed.

He made no protest, instead following through immediately, which shocked me, but I filed the thought in the back of my mind. I gripped his hand tightly, prepared to use my full strength – which wasn't all too much. I did almost no work, which bothered me. No, he was the injured one, and I was going to take care of him. It was my fault after all…

We were silent on our short trek to the bathroom. My small form remained in position to support him need he collapse, but that never happened. Once we got there, he immediately tried to take care of it himself, so which I nearly had a meltdown over. He'd given up after seeing how much it seemed to matter to me.

So now, he was leaning part-way hunched over, with me on my tip-toes in an attempt to reach his face – our height difference didn't really help. I'd taken one of the damned paper towels our school so graciously supplied us with, and soaked it. I tried to apply gentle pressure, so that the roughness of the thing wasn't unbearable, but I didn't know if my attempt succeeded; he probably would've pretended it was fine even if it felt as though I were slowly peeling his skin off.

After about 20 minutes, the dried and still wet blood alike had been removed, and he looked a lot better.

That wasn't saying much, though.

"You still look like crap," I teased him, and he laughed, before sucking in a sharp breath.

They really hit him everywhere, huh?

He seemed to notice my downcast expression. "Hey, I've had worse. Don't worry about it."

"I can't just not worry about it!" I screamed, exasperated.

He watched me wordlessly.

"I mean, this is just…not okay." My voice lowered in volume, reduced to barely a whisper.

"I get what you mean…sort of," he began. "Apparently, I'm worth caring about – to you at least – so I understand you being pissed about this."

"Well, I'm glad you're finally starting to not hate yourself."

He scoffed.

I smiled in return, only to remember we still had the rest of the day to go through. I guess all the crazy surrounding my life was starting to affect me, since I suggested something I'd never dared to do. "Let's ditch."

He gave me a look. "Okay, we both know I have no problem with skipping out on school – 'cause I mean, come on – but I know for a fact that 4.3 GPA students don't get grades like that from ditching class."

"I just…I just don't care today. Please?" I asked, putting every ounce of emotion into that one pleading look.

He looked torn, as if deciding between my inevitable corruption, or what I probably should have done. After a minute, he shook his head, dark hair shifting slightly to cover his unhappy eyes. "…Fine."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh, I am just absolutely **_**terrible**_** for cutting off the chapter right there aren't I? (Yes.) Pardon my crappy descriptions of fight scenes; I haven't been in too many myself. If Matt was saying "Uh" a little too much for your liking, that was for realism, just saying. Also, in case Jonah's pissed about not being in it (and being thought of as gay, and your name being mispronounced) I'm sorry! Like I said in the first Author's Note, I couldn't think of how to fit you in yet. And Maddie and Shelby weren't even in this chapter! *Gasp* I know, and I'm so sorry, you guys. This was just one of those (hopefully few) chapters where there was too much going on with the MCs to really involve anyone else other than necessary. I'm sure I can come up with an excuse later in the story (one that involves smut) so don't worry. To everyone else, thank you so much for dealing with all of my BS I put you through, with my drama, and the would-be cancellation…just, thanks. I love you guys!**


	8. Chapter 8

***IMPORTANT PLEASE READ (again)***

**A/N: Hello there :3 Hey I'm sorry if you guys were like "What the hell?" because it said my story got updated, and there was nothing new. I actually did update, but later removed the chapter in order to perform some minor editing. It's better now, so, you're welcome. (**_**Awkward.**_** references FTW!) Just to clear up all the craziness that is the brain and its assumptions (speaking of assumptions, check out The Assumption Song on YouTube) Jonah shall **_**not**_** be gay in this story! I just made a small ode to the fact that many people – wrongly – think he is. So yeah. And I'm a tiny bit worried that people have stopped reading my story because they think I quit it. Well, in case you did, and are somehow reading this, that is not true, so keep reviewing. Seriously, I expect about 4 or 5 reviews for each chapter published (that may seem irritating, but it's so that I know I'm not writing a piece of crap no one actually wants to read. It was pretty funny, I actually yelled at Shelby over Facebook to review my last chapter, because I'd been sitting in front of my computer for days, going "Readers, Y U NO REVIEW?" Don't know the "Y U NO" Meme? Look it up. But seriously, you guys. I was feeling nice (for a change) and put out this update, but I NEED reviews! And if I don't get them, it will be a **_**long**_** time before I update, which kinda sucks, because I already know exactly what's going to happen in this story :D Anyway, now that I think about it, you guys should probably just always read my Author's Notes, since they usually have some important information in them. You probably won't, but whatever. And this is important so you're not like, "WTF?" I know that Shelby's boyfriend's name was Shane before, but it's now going to be Percy. So just disregard the name Shane from previous chapters. *End long-ass Author's Note***

* * *

><p>"What the fuck are we doing here, Jamie?" He hissed, glaring down at me.<p>

I stared back at him with wide eyes. "What's the big deal? It's just a park."

Well, it was a little more than a park. There was a shimmering, clear blue lake, fields of flowers tucked into bright green grass, tall trees, always reaching out as if to coax a hug from the clouds, floating lazily through a baby blue sky…

I sighed. I loved this place.

He shifted, reminding me of his presence.

"What's the big deal?" I repeated.

He didn't respond.

For a change, I didn't press the matter, instead just rolling my eyes. "Come on," I tugged gently at his wrist.

He followed with little hesitation, allowing me to lead him to the small, meadow-like area, surrounded with wildflowers and the scent of…earth. There were dewdrops covering nearly everything with a thin sheen, and the sunlight was hitting it perfectly, causing a kaleidoscope of miniature rainbows.

"Just look at it. Isn't it pretty?" I asked, that awed look already beginning to glaze over my eyes. I'd always loved the outdoors. My reputation would have most likely labeled me as someone who hated it, for fear of getting my clothes dirty, or messing up my hair and nails. I still worried about those things and made sure to steer clear of any mud, but I still enjoyed that enthralling sense of freedom I always got. It was as if I were to suddenly sprout wings and fly away, or simply grow into the place itself. I could lie in the soft grass for hours, sunlight warming my face, hair shining in the light, revealing its gold and red hues. There was a faint breeze, and I let my eyes flutter closed, listening to the gentle sway of the branches.

I heard a faint "Mm" in response.

I drifted from my tranquil state, making a tiny huff. "Fine, this way." I dragged him over to the edge of the dock that overlooked the lake, watching the wind softly sway the waves back and forth, the movement causing the sun to sparkle over it like sapphire. I said nothing this time, just gestured lazily towards it, my eyes becoming lost in the benign movement of the water.

He still seemed to hold no response, just stood silently at my side.

This irritated me for some unknown reason, and my natural desire to excel – or at least accomplish – basically every problem I was faced with overcame me. _I vow to make him interested in __**something!**_

"Tag!" I blurted without thinking, tapping his shoulder lightly. _Oh, God, what have I done…?_

The one downside of my hyperactive persona was that I often didn't think before I did something. Honestly, I had no idea how that was possible, since I spent so much time _over_ thinking things, but somehow I managed.

I sprinted away, given an advantage since he clearly hadn't expected that, a small smile on my face. He already knew I was crazy, so I figured I might as well have fun with it. I threw a quick glance over my shoulder to see that he was following me. And gaining. Hell to the no I was not wasting all of my endurance from Cheerleading and added daily exercise. I pushed myself just that much harder, attempting to outrun him.

I'd worn my favorite pair of Uggs that day, since the weather was starting to get chilly. Truth be told, I loved rain, but only every once in a while, making perfect, sunny weather my favorite. Because of this, the only thing I enjoyed about Fall was the fashion. And the word Autumn. Okay and maybe I really liked Halloween, but that's not my point.

The sucky thing about Uggs is the fact that they're kind of clunky. It doesn't make me love them any less because they are way too warm, and fuzzy, and comfortable, and all around, they're pretty fashionable, but they're still clunky. Pair that with my habit of spazzing out, running, and some loose gravel? Of course it can only end wonderfully.

The toe of my boot caught on an evil little stone poking out a little more than probably necessary, and I stumbled. And of course my luck couldn't have me just faceplant. Instead, I had to careen off the edge, water rushing up towards my face. _Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…_

I sliced through the surface of the water, surprisingly more cold than expected. Actually, it was freezing.

I flailed around a bit, quickly resurfacing. I began swimming back to shore after a moment, the shame not all too easily visible since my face was completely obscured by my soaking hair. But I was having issues making it there.

Okay, I'm not going to lie; I loved layering my clothing. But it wasn't a great factor when all of those layers were soaking wet. So I was starting to sink.

In all honesty, I'd never really pictured myself drowning, and I'd always thought it was a pretty horrible way to die. I figured holding my breath and trying to float would work out fine, but my clothes kept dragging me down. Okay, now I was panicking. I suddenly felt like I couldn't get any air in my lungs, and my arms and legs kept thrashing around on their own accord. The action wasn't helping me at all, so I dropped even lower into the frigid water. I gasped for air, only to inhale about a gallon of water. It came as a shock to me, but I couldn't do anything to stop it as black clouded my vision.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"Jamie! Jamie you need to open your eyes, okay?"

My eyes fluttered open, and I immediately turned, emptying my stomach – completely filled with water. I coughed and sputtered for a bit, until I felt hands holding my long hair from my face. I turned back around to face him. "…Th-thanks," I coughed, and I knew for a fact I would be blushing if I wasn't so cold.

"I'm just glad you didn't fucking _die_," he smiled halfheartedly, but the look quickly shifted to worry.

"Well, I didn't," I said cheerfully, pushing out a laugh. I choked on it, though, only to fall back into a fit of coughs.

He just looked at me, affliction clearly showing in his eyes as he seemed to decide whether or not to do something. Apparently, he decided against it.

"Okay. Now I'm going to make sure _something_ interesting enough happens so that you don't seem to get pissed off by being here."

"I'm pretty sure you almost drowning was something," he looked at me disapprovingly.

_Touché._

"Look, are you sure you don't just want to go home?"

"No, not really. I'm fine."

"Your clothes," he gestured to my entirely soaked form with a raised eyebrow.

"…Right. No, it's fine." I probably would've convinced him, had I not shivered right after.

"Jamie, it's fucking freezing, don't even try to bullshit me about that."

I glowered. I did not enjoy being treated like a child in the slightest. Even though I sometimes acted like one. "Fine," I huffed, brushing my bangs from sticking to my forehead. Then I realized my hair was probably a mess, as well, along with makeup most likely running down my face. I had a momentary panic-attack before remembering I'd worn waterproof mascara that day. I always wore brown eyeliner and nude eyeshadow, so I wasn't particularly worried about those either.

I stood up on my own because I was perfectly capable of it, and refused to be treated as a pathetic little damsel. Oh, who was I kidding, it would probably make my day to be fawned over as such. But I wasn't going to admit that; it was too degrading.

My breathing was still a little bit off, but it wasn't noticeable, for which I was grateful as I walked back over to my car, concentrating on not wobbling with each step. I opened the driver's side door, only to be intercepted.

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you drive right now," he said, deftly sliding in front of me.

I said nothing, just stared at him for some time. Then I shrugged, going around to the passenger's side. Obviously, my near-death-experience was messing with my brain, since I normally would've thrown a fit over being treated as if I were incapable of something as simple as driving. He followed me, holding the door open and everything. The gesture was something to be admired, but for some reason, it irritated me. I didn't bother covering up my eye roll. I got inside slowly and determinedly, making sure my muscles didn't decide to fail and give me a concussion as well. I must have been pretty out of it, since the next thing I registered was the front of my house. _What the-? No, I can't go home now; it'll be obvious I skipped! Wait, no one's home. And it's –_ I turned to look at the clock on the dashboard – _6:13. That's not very suspicious. Or maybe it is…_

"Here," he said, removing the keys from the ignition and handing them to me.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you your keys," he said matter-of-factly.

"Are you planning on _walking_ home?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No, you're not."

"This is your car; I'm not taking it with me."

"Yes you are; I'm not making you walk home. Come to think of it, _you're_ the one who got the shit beat out of them today! I feel horrible about making you rescue me now, since that must have taken quite a toll on your body. Then again I suppose I couldn't really help drowning-"

"Thank you for pointing that out; you really _couldn't_ have helped drowning. Now stop worrying over something stupid. I'm not a girl, I'm fine."

"Is that under the assumption that girls are incapable of being 'fine'?" I asked, my half-smile showing my joking tone.

"It's under the assumption that you are, since you can't play a game of Tag for more than a minute without falling into a lake," he smirked at me. "I see what you meant when you said you were clumsy."

I gaped at him, my brain not being able to think of a comeback as usual. I was known for my wit – it was a necessary skill not too long ago – so not having a response was certainly out of the ordinary. I'd later blame it on the fact that I'd nearly died, so I shouldn't be expected to perform at the same brain level as usual.

"Perhaps you _should_ walk home," I responded after a minute.

"Nah, think I'll hold onto these," he said nonchalantly, snatching the keys from my hands before I could react.

"Dick," I muttered as I attempted to hide my smile, climbing out and walking up to the door.

I turned to offer a wave, only to find he was right behind me.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

"You probably can't get in without these," he dangled my keys before my eyes, "and I'm making sure you don't fall and give yourself a concussion or something," he replied calmly.

"Actually I left the door unlocked, but whatever," I was too tired to argue right now, and a part of me was secretly pleased at his concern for my safety. Even if it was from myself. Besides, we were like 2 steps away from the door anyway, so it didn't really matter. I stopped when I was halfway inside. "Hey," I said, my voice lacking its usual flair of confidence. "Thanks for…making sure I didn't die today…" I giggled awkwardly. I didn't like talking about feelings and emotions – especially my own.

"It's no big deal," he shifted awkwardly, which made me glad I wasn't the only one who disliked this.

"Yeah it is. But just…thanks." _Hey! You! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Why are you so shy around this guy? What happened to all that Jamie Miller confidence? Quit being a wuss!_ My conscience was right. So I did the best thing I could have without my face setting fire.

I leaned onto my tip-toes to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "Thanks," I whispered again, before disappearing behind my door. I leaned back against it, slowly sliding down to the floor with a smile. Oh, my Jamie Miller confidence was definitely just one-upped.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

I peeled off my wet clothes, throwing them into the washing machine immediately and wrapping a towel around myself. My beloved Uggs were probably ruined, so I found their original box, placed delicately in my closet, laying them inside for a proper burial sometime in the future. I crossed the room to pick up my phone which I –thank God –had left at home today. Otherwise, it probably would've drowned along with my Uggs. There were _literally_ over 100 texts from various people at school. They were all asking about this newfound friendship between me and Alex. These people were like lemmings. I rolled my eyes.

I continued scrolling through the messages, pleasantly surprised when I came across several from Maddie and a missed call from Shelby.

_Wer r u?_

I snorted at her complete disregard for proper grammar.

_Wats this shit about u and alex being friends? Evry1s talking about it_

"_FUCKING TALK 2 ME!"_

I smiled, opting for a call instead.

"What the fuck, J?"

"A simple "Hello" would've been nice, but okay."

"Don't give me that shit right now, I'm pissed."

"I could tell. Is Shelby with you?"

"No. She's been with Percy all day. Probably off getting some alone time," I could hear the leer in her voice.

"You are incorrigible," I giggled.

"That better mean awesome."

"Sure."

"Well, whatever. I know I was off having a little fun, myself, but seriously, what's going on? Everyone – and I mean _everyone_ – is talking about you guys."

"I don't know…we're just friends."

I could practically see her eyebrows rise suggestively.

"Not the type of friends you're thinking about," I smiled.

"Okay, I believe you. But I know that you like him, so is there anything else there?" She inquired deftly.

"Um…Kind of…"

"What? Tell me – now!"

"I will, but can we call Shelby, too?" I asked, trying to delay my confession.

"She hasn't answered her phone all day, so don't even bother."

"Oh. Um, why don't you come over here, I want to talk to someone in person."

"Ugh, I would but I'm a little sore."

"Why?"

She giggled, "Well, Chad-"

"I can infer, don't explain anymore," I grimaced.

"Fine. But seriously, tell me what happened."

"I, uh, kissed him-"

"What?"

"-_on the cheek_," I stressed the end of my sentence. "And that was after he saved me."

"Oh. Well that's disappointing."

"Maddie!"

"Hey, I guess for you guys that's something, right? I was expecting a make-out session," I could hear the pout in her voice.

"I swear, it's like you want me to throw away my values."

"Values for what? Making out isn't sex, J."

"True. And I have no problems making out, but…"

"But what?"

"But I'm not going to just start making out with someone I don't even know that well. I know you would, but that's you." _Oh God, that sounds so mean…_

"Hey, I know I'm the please in this setting, but you're the tease. You flaunt yourself around school because you _know _it drives guys crazy," she giggled, "But who could blame you? You've made out with plenty of guys before. Not a ton, but more than a few, and I know that you didn't know all of them incredibly well." I was secretly pleased she hadn't been offended by my abrasive remark.

"That was because I didn't care about them!"

The words were out before I could stop them.

It was true. Especially about what she said. In our little trio, I was the Tease, Maddie was the Please, and Shelby was…Shelby. I _did_ flaunt myself around school, because I loved the attention. It was shallow, but I'd always been that way, and I'd always become extremely jealous if I _wasn't _in the spotlight. And if I ever gave anyone the "honor" of a closer acquaintance – for example, "making out," as it was so crudely put – it was out of boredom, and not because I liked the person enough.

Sadly, boyfriends and all concepts of dating had been mostly for people to feel better about themselves – mostly girls rejoicing over the fact that they must be somewhat attractive, since some poor dolt could stand calling them their girlfriend – from now since elementary school. Yes, I'd had a few crushes before, but they turned out to not be desirable intellectually or personality-wise.

"…So…you really like this guy, huh?"

"…I think I do."

"Well, that's a good thing, 'cause it means we'll all have boyfriends pretty soon, and I just love the idea of us having like…triple dates or something."

That was an idea I was strictly opposed to if her future boyfriend was who I thought it was. "You're not talking about…Chad…being your boyfriend…are you?"

"Um, duh. I mean, I get with a lot of guys, and he gets with a lot of girls, and I don't want someone who's gonna judge me for that. And he's actually pretty nice. I mean he's not perfect, but how could I complain when he looks like _that_? I figure as long as he's bearable. And he's not a dumbass, so that's a plus…"

I listened to her ramble on and on about how "amazing" and "hot" Chad was, and part of me wanted to believe it. But another, larger part was too hung up on the Chad I'd seen for myself.

"Yeah," I offered halfheartedly.

"He talks about you a lot." There was something in her voice I didn't recognize, because I'd never heard it before.

"Oh?" I offered unhelpfully.

"Hey wait a minute. Didn't you say something about you kissing your dude after he saved you? What went down exactly?"

"Oh, it was nothing; I just fell in the lake." There was only the one lake in this small town, so she knew what I was talking about.

"Nothing? Bitch, that's _everything! _Do you even know how easy it is to drown in that thing? _Did_ you almost drown?"

"…Yeah, kind of."

"Are you okay?" I could hear the worry in her tone, and it made me smile.

"Obviously, since I'm talking to you right now." Apparently my gratitude didn't stop my usual snarky comments.

"Right. So your perfect suitor saved your life from the evil clutches of the lake, and you repaid his debt with a chaste kiss on the cheek, like a true virgin princess?" She asked with a mock drama to her voice.

"I'm surprised at your description; usually I'm the only one who uses literary devices like that."

"Yeah, well, you're not special. Lots of people can do it, too, you know?" She said jokingly.

I laughed. "Do we have all of the gossip laid out there now?"

"I suppose. But we're definitely going over this again with Shelby."

"Oh, joy."

"You better believe it. Bye."

"Bye."

I picked up a towel tossed carelessly onto the floor, wrapping it around myself and heading to the bathroom. I took one look at myself in the mirror, pleased to see I didn't bear _too_ much of a resemblance to a drowned rat. I skipped over to my shower, turning it as hot as possible.

It felt amazing. I just stood there, basking in the feeling as the hot spray scalded over my skin, chasing away the cold from earlier in the day.

I got out reluctantly, after covering myself in the scent of Cozy Autumn Vanilla I'd purchased at Bath and Body Works over the weekend.

I dried my hair, too tired to do anything else with it, and climbed into the retreat of my ridiculously warm bed, curling up with the soft feel of my fuzzy, teal pillow as a now infamous dream swirled through my mind.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry if you guys wanted me to describe the dream, I tried a whole bunch of times, but I just couldn't get it right. I'm sure you're all sitting in front of your computers going "OMGOMGTHEYKISSED!111!one!" and completely disregarding the entire rest of the chapter. Don't lie ;D I'll admit even I was sitting here going "Aww!" as I wrote it, so you're CLEARLY not alone. Even if it was just on the cheek. It still counts! (Kind of. Not really.) Well, I guess for them it's like a big huge jump, so whatever. Maddie, I know you don't type like a retard, so don't have like a fit or something, haha. And Shelby shall be happy when I make it known in the next chapter that she was whoring around with her BF. I also just feel like sharing, but I found it hilarious that my Spellchecker kept trying to change "Uggs" to "urges." Don't worry, Spell-check, there will be **_**plenty**_** of urges later on (; Hope you guys liked the chappie, and you better review if you read it! Seriously, reviews = chapters, so the more reviews I get, the faster I'll update!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Aww, I seriously love you guys so much. I was reading your reviews – especially ones from F113n and duhjaja – and they just made me smile. (Reframe: I saw another one from Luvsurstory, and I actually laughed out loud because I hate the summary on this story, too.) I actually changed the summary, if you didn't notice! I think it's much better, but tell me what you think. It makes me want to headdesk when I can't PM them, though, since it seems like the people that leave the nicest reviews never have accounts :C There's a lot of references to stuff that's happened irl, so my friends should watch for them. Oh, and I decided to NOT put Jonah in the story. It was a last-minute thing, and I think he's too difficult to write, so I'm putting another friend of mine in, instead. Maddie and Shelby probably already know, and now that she's in it, she'll **_**have**_** to read it, muahaha! Anyway, I probably shouldn't be rewarding you guys with such a long chapter, since there was such a lack of reviews, but I figured Halloween's coming so I need to get this chapter out. (Reframe: LOL Halloween was like, WAAAAAYYY before I updated!) Anyways, enjoy! xx (I've started doing the "kiss kiss" thing, so if you're bombarded by Xs, that would be why.)**

* * *

><p>"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"<p>

"Shelby, breathe."

"I can't!"

"It's not that big of a deal, now breathe! I still hold the title of Drama Queen and you're _not_ taking that away from me."

She giggled. "Fine."

"See? Now I'd appreciate your _coherent _thoughts, thank you."

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"

"Fuck you."

She just laughed at that, but her expression became serious after a moment. "Okay so you made out-"

"Kissed on the cheek."

"After you died and came back to life-"

"Passed out."

"And you realized you're in love with him-"

"That I li-" I stopped abruptly, making my trademark expression that could only be described as "the-face-Jamie-makes-when-she-just-said-or-did-something-embarrassing-or-kind-of-awkward-but-can-also-be-placed-as-a-face-she-makes-for-comedic-relief."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever, I don't need your harassment," I waved a hand dismissively,

"Yes you do. And if you don't accept it, my ADHD is going to unleash _all kinds_ of crazy."

I smiled.

"So what's the deal, bro?" She asked, mockingly throwing her hand up in the air like a "gangsta."

"There's no deal."

She made a noise between a scoff and a snort. "Bitch, please. You move _way _too fast most of the time, for a _kiss on the cheek_ to be nothing."

"I don't move _that_ fast."

She made that noise again. "I'm prettysure the last time you kissed a guy on the cheek was because you missed his mouth."

"I'm not a slut! Maddie holds that title," I smirked.

"Thank you," said girl replied.

"You know what I mean. Usually you just get bored and move on from one cute guy to the next. Maddie does the same, but you just give them blue balls so bad, I'm surprised you haven't been raped yet," she smiled wryly.

"See? This is exactly what I was talking about!" Maddie interjected. She hadn't supplied much to the conversation, which was unusual.

"Whatever."

There was an audible silence.

"So, had any more dreams?" Maddie leered.

My eyes darted off to the side as I recalled last night, and an all too familiar smile that couldn't be described as anything but devious spread over my face.

That was probably answer enough, but I continued. "Yeah. Shower scene. It was hot," I nodded appreciatively, as if congratulating my twisted thoughts. I'd gotten over my disgust at thinking such things by now; I'd always had a sick mind, so I should've expected as much.

"Too bad you haven't actually hooked up in there. Can't believe you're waiting until you're married to do all that shit, J. You're missing out, big time."

"I'm not even surprised you've been there, but I have to ask how many times."

She paused to think about it. "27, as of last night."

"Oh you lucky skank!" Shelby shouted, causing us to break out into laughter.

"Hey, you lost your V-Card yet, Crazy?" I eyed Shelby.

She blushed, "Percy is rather persuasive. Not that I'm very opposed or anything…"

"Oh, so like yesterday?" Maddie crossed her arms.

"Exactly like yesterday."

"Oh so while you're off eating babies or whatever else, I'm near death?" I asked, mock drama in my voice.

"Eating babi-_Oh!"_ Maddie's confused expression turned to a knowing one in seconds. "Nice."

I made the universal "eating babies" motion, much to our own amusement.

** x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"Hey, so what's the plan for today? Order the school to become our slaves and have them dance for our amusement while giving us piggy-back rides as form of transportation?" My voice changed to a whisper. "I could probably get them to do it."

Alex gave me an odd look. "No. I was thinking we could, I don't know…just do something normal."

"Boring, but reasonable."

We seemed to be skirting around the subject that was screaming like a crazy person lit on fire. It hadn't been a big deal – not really, anyway – so I felt no need to broach it. We seemed to be doing fine by just acting like it never happened.

He gave me a sarcastic smile and was about to walk the other direction when I linked my arm with his.

"Hey, we have…how many classes together?"

"All of them."

"Right. All of our classes together, so we should just walk together."

"And be ostracized by the public? Of course," he replied flatly, slipping his arm out of mine.

"Learn to love the spotlight, Alex. It loves company."

"So does misery."

My eyes narrowed, and I stood on my tiptoes so that my lips were right by his ear. "Alex, if you piss me off I will not hesitate to rip your balls off."

He said nothing, and I wondered if he was considering the likelihood that I would follow through. Then he re-linked our arms. "So, how has your morning been?"

I smiled. "Pretty good. There's a dance this Friday; you should come with."

He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, as if he couldn't find the right words to say. "Sure."

"You seem reluctant."

"Well…aren't there…people…there?"

I laughed. "Of course. It's a dance."

He gave me a pointed look.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," I cooed mockingly.

"Pfft. You're half everyone's size."

"Bite me. You saw me take care of those guys when you were getting your ass handed to you the other day; I'm a badass at this school."

He laughed, causing my smile to widen.

** x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Alex and I had parted ways momentarily – he'd briefly mentioned needing something from his locker – so I was alone for the time being, much to my distress. I'd always had a slight fear of being alone, since it made you an easy target. Of course, I had nothing to worry about now, but I still couldn't shake something so well imprinted into my mind. Obviously I had my moments where I completely reveled in the alone time, but now was not one of those times. A horde soon gathered, however, so my anxiety was put to rest.

A girl was walking down the hall, opposite my direction. She had her face hidden behind a schedule – that was odd, it was late enough in the school year for everyone to already know their classes – so I didn't pay her much attention.

Until she ran into me.

"What the-?"

"Oh my goodness! I am _so_ sorry! Are you okay? I didn't like, hurt you or anything, did I?"

"Pfft, spaz!" A random girl giggled.

"Hey, suck it, it wasn't on purpose," I reprimanded.

"Thanks," the girl said meekly, embarrassment shining in her blue eyes.

"Don't worry, the majority of the people here are borderline retarded," I whispered. "So are you new?"

"Yeah. I actually have no idea where I'm going."

"No one does. Oh, you meant at school. Well, I can show you around."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Thank you so much!"

"No problem. You know, we've had half a conversation and I still don't know your name."

"Oh! I'm Emily," she replied, the initial shyness beginning to leave her voice.

"Jamie," I smiled. Now that I looked at her, I noticed the Aéropostale I loathed so much. But I liked her already, so I didn't care. Plus, it's not like she was some fat chick trying to pull it off. She was tall and slender, with shoulder-length blonde hair and sea-green eyes. Wait, weren't they just blue?

"Your eyes are so pretty," I complimented. _That sounds kind of creepy. Oh well, just play it off as usual._

"Oh, thank you. They're weird, they're like…blue and green. They change color."

"Mine, too! They're brown, but they have very distinct hazel qualities. Sometimes if you look close enough you can see that about half of them is green, but that's mostly hidden as an undertone, but they'll look really green if I stand outside when it's cloudy for some reason – at least that's what people say. And in the sun they turn legit gold. They're weird." Only I would find a way to ramble about my eye color.

"Yeah, they look green right now."

"Oh. Strange, we're not outside or anything…"

"Clearly," a wry smile appeared on her face. "They _are_ really pretty, though."

"Thanks. Okay so right now we're in a hallway, if you couldn't see that, and if you continue going down this way," I pointed the direction I'd been going, "You'll find the cafeteria. I figure you've already visited the Office?"

She nodded.

"Good. So you know where that is. Hmm…why don't we wait until after Lunch before we stress over where your next period is?"

"…Okay." She seemed a bit reluctant to put everything off.

"Here, let me see your schedule."

She handed it to me.

"Oh! We have our next period together. And the next one. And all the ones before that. Yay, another smart person!" I squealed. "Oh, you have Trig. I'm in Pre-Calc, but I think that's the only difference. Well, now you don't have to freak, 'cause you can just follow me." I laughed. "Simple."

"Simple." She repeated. "So, Lunch right now?"

"Yes. Contrary to popular belief, not all teenage girls are anorexic." I smirked, beginning to walk down the hall.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

I was starting to wonder where Alex was, since it shouldn't take anyone – not even me – that long to get something from your locker.

"Jamie!" Shelby called out, Maddie in tow.

"Hm?"

"Okay, so with the whole kiss thing-"

I clamped my hand over her mouth. "_We are not talking about this right now."_

"What's going on?" Emily asked out of curiosity. She seemed to be strictly polite, and wouldn't ask about certain matters she knew didn't involve her.

"Nothing." My response was instant, and I couldn't even help the word slipping out. I wanted to facepalm. My natural acting abilities were useless when I couldn't control what was coming out of my mouth.

"Bitch, please," all of them – except for Emily – said in unison, though Shelby's was a bit muffled by my hand. It would have made me laugh if the situation at hand wasn't forcing me to become so stoic.

My natural gossip was rattling its cage, however, and it was going to break out pretty soon. Actually, I could currently feel it bending the bars, demolishing them…

"Well there's this guy I like – even though it goes against all laws of the high school hierarchy – and yesterday I fell in the lake – oh, I forgot to mention we were hanging out yesterday – and he saved me and I kissed him on the cheek." It all came out in a rushed whisper. _Damn you, word vomit._

"Aww. Oh, wait, is this bad?" Emily asked.

"Kind of."

"How?"

"Well…he…I…I don't know how to explain it."

"That's fine. You don't have to tell me, we barely even know each other, anyway," she offered kindly.

God, I wished I could be as nice as her.

"No, it's fine. Ah…well, it's just that…Okay, now I'm going to have to give a backstory. Everyone here knows – and you'll probably find out soon-"

"Jamie's the HBIC at this school, she's hot, smart, and all the guys want a piece of that, but she might as well have a purity ring on that finger," Maddie explained.

"…Well…in a nutshell, I suppose. So, if I don't worry about exaggerating, I guess I could basically have any guy I want, but-"

"But there's this one guy who won't fall?" Emily guessed.

"Not exactly. I mean, he's…stubborn. Like…he doesn't understand why I even want to be around him. It's difficult enough convincing him I – yes, me, Jamie Miller – _want_ to be just friends. Let alone trying to bring forth the absolute _Hell_ that is high school dating." I sighed. "It's_ hopeless."_

"J's also the school DQ," Shelby smirked.

"As in the fast food place?" Emily looked confused.

"Drama Queen," I explained. "Shelby actually got one of those little paper crowns for my birthday last year and wrote 'Drama Queen' on it. She forced me to wear it all day," I laughed at the memory. Shelby was crazy, that's why I loved her.

"So with this guy…you're like…worried…to take the next step?"

"Sort of. We're both kind of…damaged goods, I guess you could say. Insert another backstory here."

Her expression was so sympathetic, it made me smile. "That's rough. But you know what?" Her voice changed, becoming bright and cheery. "If you feel like crap, just let it go, because it's just going to drag you down. So, live in the moment, and-"

"Carpe Diem?"

"…Yeah. Pretty much," she laughed.

"But I'm a worrier. So I'm going to stress over it. I don't know…I guess I just want to be able to tell him he's so much better than he thinks he is, and have him believe me, and smile, and – insert inspirational music here – give me one of those cliché kisses and everything will be perfect." I sighed dreamily. "Sorry, side effect of being a Drama Queen is that I think of my life as a movie. Like legit, I can think of the perfect music, and I sometimes stare into the distance with a sad expression."

We all burst into a fit of giggles.

"Well, I have a feeling it'll work out," Emily said.

"It better. Everyone knows I get what I want-"

Shelby interrupted, "And she throws a diva fit when it doesn't happen like-"

"That!" Maddie snapped her fingers.

"It's…kind of true. Very true, actually," I smiled. "But, I don't know. I'm scared to say anything, because I don't want him to…reject me…I guess."

"Well, it's got to be hard to understand if you – this is from what you've told me – if you're generally…disliked…and…someone suddenly is like 'Hey, wanna go out?'" She said the last bit in a voice mocking of stereotypical teenage girls.

"Well that, and the fact that I kinda got hit by the Ugly Truck as a child."

"Oh my God!" Maddie and Shelby groaned.

"What?"

"Don't even _start_ with the 'I'm so ugly' bullshit. You're _perfectly_ aware that _every_ guy in this _damn_ school is _so fucking into you_ that it's not even funny," Maddie ground out.

My lip curved down at her words. I knew it was probably irritating for her, since the fact that the majority of the male population in this school would cut off their arm to date me should compel me to think of myself as attractive.

But I couldn't. It was something I couldn't control.

But, was that supposed to sound so…abrasive?

Then I realized I hadn't talked to her that much lately. I mean, yes we'd talked, but we hadn't _talked_. I looked at her, and there was something I'd never seen in her eyes before.

Jealousy.

"You're right," I replied flatly. "I should go." With that, I turned on my heel, walking quickly away before anyone could say anything.

Only to run into a brick wall.

Oh, it wasn't a wall. It was a person. A person much taller than I was, but that could be anyone. I instantly recognized the red of a Letterman and the electric blue eyes.

Chad.

"Couldn't wait to have our bodies touching?" He whispered into my ear.

"Fuck off, Chad."

"I would, but it'd be so much nicer to have you."

"Ugh." I didn't even bother responding, instead pushing past him and walking away.

I'd had enough of school for one day, and I knew it was only Lunch, but I just couldn't find a fuck to give.

I slipped silently into the Unisex bathroom, because no one ever went in there. I wanted to splash some cold water on my face – something – but I knew I'd regret messing up my makeup. So I just stared at my reflection. I didn't look like myself. My hair seemed so dull, while my eyes held no light. My nose was looking especially large, and just-

So many imperfections.

_How could I be beautiful when I look like this?_

I wanted to shatter the mirror, and rid myself of the haunting image of my face, but I knew I'd regret it deeply later. My next bet was to cry, but I couldn't turn on the waterworks, even if I'd wanted to. So I just stood there, dejected at my odd, stoic reflection. I was an emotional train wreck, covered by an Ice Queen, covered by a perfect girl.

_So many layers of myself I never let anyone see…_

I jumped straight out of my skin when a stall door creaked open. I wasn't sure if I should find the sight in front of me comforting or terrifying.

Since Alex happened to be that sight.

_Oh God, not now._

My plea was reasonable, since I was vulnerable at the moment, and I was the type of person to shove everything behind a wall for as long as I could keep it there. And if it went my way, that would be forever. I didn't even want to show emotions to my own self half the time, let alone anyone else, no matter who that person was.

We both froze in place, eyes locked on each other. It seemed like time was standing still, and I wanted to throw myself into his arms and just cry until my eyes burned, but I also wanted to run out the door a foot away.

He shifted, tucking an arm behind his back. My eyes flicked to the motion immediately, and I noticed a color that didn't belong.

"You promised me you wouldn't." My voice didn't sound familiar. It was too detached.

He said nothing, just angled his head slightly away from me.

I hesitated, before taking the 2 small steps to his tall frame. I studied the thin cuts decorating his wrist, glancing into the stall he'd exited. Razor blade.

"I'd…say something that makes me sound like a counselor, but I guess I can't. Because that would be hypocritical."

He didn't respond.

"What happened?"

Silence.

"Alex-"

"It's nothing," he said, voice like ice. It felt painfully obvious he wouldn't look at me as he walked out, leaving me to my thoughts.

I left after that, bleakly walking back towards the school.

I had an image to keep up, so that's what I did.

***Three days later***

****

"Woo! Party!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I was stoked. Halloween dances were always the dirtiest, and no one knew why. I thought it had something to do with the fact that everyone's in costume, so it makes you more adventurous if you can do basically anything with the pro of anonymity.

Maddie was off grinding – with Chad, of course – already, but Shelby and Emily were still by my side – oh, wait, no, Shelby was grinding with Percy – along with a few – okay a lot – of others. I hadn't seen Alex yet, which was bringing my mood down a bit, but I was still hopeful.

I wasn't entirely sure he'd come. He hadn't talked to me after that one day, and I was worried about what could have happened.

_No! Lower your expectations; you'll be happier._

I tried. And failed.

"This is disturbing," Emily's nose wrinkled.

"Don't worry, this is the worst they get. And grinding's pretty fun, actually."

"No, it's…gross. And you can get in trouble for doing that."

"Not if you stand in the middle. No one can see you grinding if you stay here." I smiled mischeviously. "And it's fun to do it with your friends; guys go crazy for girl on girl action."

"That's horrible!"

"Yep. But it's how this stuff works so I figure, roll with it. Ooh, that guy is checkin' you _out_, Em! Go dance with him."

"No, I…think it's a guy's job to do that," Emily said, slightly embarrassed.

"I find your old-fashioned views endearing," I cooed. "Now he just has to rent you out a beach, kiss you at sunset and present you with a ring on the stem of a de-thorned rose."

She laughed. "I'm not that bad!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Of course not. But seriously. He's hot, and I think he wants your cute little flapper ass all up on him," I drawled, gesturing to her flapper costume.

"Ew," she said, though she was giggling, "I'm _not_ grinding!"

"Actually, flappers were well-known for promiscuity…"

"Ugh."

"Hey, you signed yourself for sluttin' it up with that outfit!"

"Fine. But I'm only dancing, I'm not grinding!"

"Whatever you say, Em."

"Hey, would you…want to dance?" It was the guy! Now that he was closer, I could see he really _was_ cute. Auburn hair slightly mussed, and eyes that matched hers. He was wearing a mobster costume, much to my delight. _Oh, this is too perfect…_

"Oh, um…"

I nudged her.

"Yes. Yes, I would."

He smiled, setting off her own shy grin, and whisked her away.

"So much adorable," I said to myself.

"Hey, wanna dance?" A random guy asked, having to shout over the roar of the music.

I turned. He was pretty cute. "Sure."

We danced pretty PG rated, but I couldn't help but wish his light brown hair and eyes would be replaced with black and grey.

_Get over it, J. Obviously he doesn't care enough to bother showing up._

I frowned, determination clouding my eyes.

I smiled mischievously up at the unnamed boy, tilting my head up and giving him a perfected "come hither" look with my eyes as my lips slowly parted.

And that was all it took for the Grindfest to start.

I was going around, "dancing" with any cute guy I found. It was wrong. I was probably rivaling Maddie right now, but I didn't care. I just wanted to forget.

Right as I thought that, my eyes landed on a dark figure in the doorway of the Gym. I recognized him instantly, and the way he _looked_ right now sent a craving through my body.

He met my eyes for a moment, then turned to walk right back out.

My eyes widened, and I went after him, not even mumbling a word to my current dance partner.

"Alex!"

He didn't turn.

"Alex!" We were in the parking lot, and it seemed all the colder and desolate, though cars were parked everywhere.

"Alex! Dammit, just look at me!"

"What?" He turned then, looking at me with cold indifference.

I think I would have preferred he be angry.

"Just…that…back there. It was nothing."

"I don't care about what you do."

I flinched back from his words.

"Just please come back?" I looked up at him with pleading eyes. I would force out tears if he didn't comply, but I might not have to force them if he said no.

"…Whatever."

I smiled weakly.

We walked back into the Gym like that, and I was sporting a relieved grin, while he held no expression.

"So what are you anyway?"

He looked at me, one side of his mouth curling up into a wry smile. "Vampire."

"Funny, you don't look any different."

His smile grew, revealing a pair of rather realistic fangs. "Well what are you? Something with the word 'sexy' in the title, I'm assuming?"

I blushed at his words, knowing full well he was poking fun at my slutty costume, and not that he was complimenting me. That still didn't stop the erratic beating of my heart.

"You're right, actually," I smiled. "Sexy Kitten." Yeah, I was real original, I know, but I'd thrown it together last-minute.

He smirked triumphantly.

"Ooh, people are looking; dance with me!"

He rolled his eyes, but complied.

We did the whole PG Rated thing, much to my disinterest, but I threw in a few provocative moves when the vision of a group was directed toward us.

Pretty soon, I was out of breath – probably due to the fact that there were _way_ too many teenagers stuffed into the Gym, dancing – which he seemed to pick up on.

"Want me to get you a drink?"

I laughed. "No. Always assume the punch is spiked. I think I have some water in my car, I'll be right back." I'd gotten my car back from him after he'd borrowed it.

"I'll go with you." I could tell from his expression he just didn't want to be left alone in here.

"No. You go socialize," I gave him a soft push towards a group of my friends and disappeared before he could gather himself enough to register my absence.

It was freezing outside, and I wrapped my arms around myself as I walked, stumbling once on a pebble in my Stilettos. There were some guys dressed in Letterman's against the wall a ways away from my car. They sounded really drunk, and I couldn't help but feel a bit worried. _Oh, please, nothing bad's going to happen. Don't be so dramatic._

I shrugged to myself, continuing on to my car. They let out a few whistles at me, which I beamed at, before remembering how degrading that was.

"Hey, why don't you come over here and show us a good time?" One asked, slurring his words a bit.

Yep, definitely drunk.

"No thank you," I replied, ever polite. _Maybe I don't need that water after all…_

"Nah, it'll be fun, I promise."

"I'm flattered, but I don't believe that's a good idea. I have some people waiting for me and-"

"Oh, you're Jamie Miller. Damn, you can fill out that suit _good_," he complimented, eyeing the tight leather I was slowly regretting wearing.

"Thank you, now I should be going-"

"Nah, don't be like that," another one said and I realized they'd been getting closer.

"Sorry, but I have to-"

"C'mon, just play with us a little," the third one said.

My throat was closing up in fear, and I couldn't respond, so I just began walking back to the school as quickly as possible.

But they were in tennis shoes, and taller than me, so they were faster, even if intoxicated.

"Hey, where you going?"

"Yeah, where you going?"

One of them approached me, taking my chin gently in his hand. "Huh, I always knew you was pretty, but _damn_."

For once, I was not enjoying the compliment.

"I wonder what those lips taste like."

I slapped his hand away at that. "Don't touch me."

"Ooh, kitty has claws," he said, causing the others to laugh obnoxiously. "C'mon, don't be like that, baby."

"Don't touch me," I repeated.

"But you're so pretty; I always wanted to know what's under those tiny little skirts you wear."

"Well, you're not going to know," I spat, my anger suddenly flaring up.

"Oh!" the other two shouted from somewhere off to the side.

"Oh yeah?"

"Ye-"

My response was cut short by the heavy contact of his mouth on mine. I tried to hit him, but he'd grasped my hands together in one of his. My next attempt was to knee him, or at least kick his shin, but he'd caught on to my movements, and backed me up against a wall, pressing himself against me so I couldn't move.

I was trying to move enough to break free of his grasp, but my efforts were in vain; he was so much stronger than I was.

He was beginning to kiss me more forcefully, and I couldn't get away from it. I attempted to scream, but he probably took that for a moan, and starting groping me.

I probably would have cried, but I couldn't do anything. I felt powerless, and that feeling seemed to be taking control of everything in my body.

The next thing I registered was the absence of the crushing feel the jock had imposed on my small form.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

_Alex!_ I wanted to cry out in relief, but I couldn't get my voice to work.

"I asked you a question." His voice was terrifying, and I could _feel_ the pure rage emanating from him. His tone was far too deadly to be taken lightly.

"Nothing."

Alex took that moment to slam his fist into the jock's face with what I knew was his full amount of force.

The idiot stumbled back, not having time to regain himself before Alex was beating every part of his body he could reach.

I watched with some sort of sick satisfaction, pleased by the pain clearly being inflicted onto my attacker. I was best friends with Karma, so I knew she could be a total bitch.

The jock was attempting some retaliations of his own, but Alex was sober, and had a very lithe – but still very muscular – frame.

Alex offered him one last kick to the side before facing his friends. "Go take this son-of-a-bitch home before I do the same to you."

They nodded quickly, yanking him up and dragging him away.

Then Alex turned to face me.

"Are you okay?"

"Ye-"

"No, that was a stupid question, of course you're not."

"Uh, Alex-"

"Don't tell me you're fine, you're clearly not."

I said nothing, since I knew he tended to get like this if anything bad happened to me. _Wow, a lot of bad stuff's been happening to me lately, huh?_

He sighed. "Let me take you home."

I said nothing, just followed him to my car. I knew he'd say something about how I couldn't drive right now, so I just slipped into the passenger's seat quietly. _Wouldn't that be the cherry on top if we crashed or something?_

The ride home was silent, and it made me uncomfortable. But I couldn't think of anything to say.

"You haven't said much."

"What do you want me to say?" My voice was a monotone, and I knew he would take that as a bad sign. Which it probably was.

"Point taken."

He pulled up in front of my house, and I got out. The sudden stop of the engine alerted that he was following me. Good.

I took my keys from his hand, unlocking the door and stepping inside. He followed me this time, which made me happy, though it didn't show. I slunk up the stairs to my bedroom, with him following silently behind me. I flicked a light on, illuminating the room in golden light that didn't reflect how I felt at all.

I stood there for a second before realizing I needed to be in my bathroom instead. I walked into said room, assessing my appearance.

My lips were swollen, and the small amount of lipstick I'd applied was half-gone, though not very smudged. There was a faint red mark on my right cheek, and my eye makeup was smeared near my temple on one eye.

The jock's words replayed in my mind, as if on a broken record, causing my stomach to churn. The scene unfolded behind my eyes as if I were experiencing it all over again, and the uneasy feeling became greater.

I quickly got to work removing all traces of makeup, only to frown at my reflection afterwards. It always took me a long time to take my makeup off at night, because I didn't want to lose how much better I looked with it on. I slipped into a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, before heading back to my room.

To find Alex perched on top of my bed.

I was shocked to say the least. I'd assumed he would leave once he saw I was all safe in my room, but here he was.

"What are you doing here?" My voice came out sharper than I'd intended.

"I dunno. I was…worried I guess."

"Well, thank you for the thought, but I'm perfectly safe as you can see." I secretly wanted him to stay, but I also didn't want to let my true emotions show through.

He frowned, as if considering my words. "Okay. Then…goodnight…I guess." He stood up, walking past me and out of my bedroom.

It felt so empty without him, and I realized just then how much I needed him right now. "…Alex?" I called out timidly.

"Yeah?" He poked his head around the corner.

"…Stay with me…please?" My voice was so tiny and fragile, it was embarrassing, but I couldn't care less when he walked back in.

"Okay, I'll make a makeshift bed or something," he smirked. "Got a spare pillow?"

"No, just…sleep with me," I offered, suddenly embarrassed by my words.

"I can't."

"No, it's fine, really."

"No, that's just wrong-"

"Please?" My eyes teared up as I spoke, which seemed to be convincing him. "I'm just…"

"Jamie," he whispered, before pulling me into a hug.

_Why is my face wet? Oh…_

It felt so nice in his arms, and I never wanted to move.

I spoke after a minute or two, "Here, take off your shoes and jeans-"

"Trying to get me naked already?" He asked, attempting to lighten the atmosphere.

It worked. "Maybe. So just take them off – and whatever else is uncomfortable to sleep in. I'll turn off the light."

"Right," he murmured, kicking his Converse off and pulling his shirt over his head.

For all I know, my mouth was watering.

I was watching every move he made with more than polite interest. Every little pull as he tugged his jeans off rippled through his biceps, and his abs were just _right there._

I blinked, flipping the light off, and carefully making my way over to my bed. I climbed under the warm retreat of the covers, and noticed Alex wasn't there.

Oh, he was there, but he was on top of them.

"What are you doing?"

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Not being a scumbag?"

"That's ridiculous. It's freaking cold, and you know it."

"So?"

"So you don't have to be a _gentleman_," I sneered the word, "since I know you're not going to try to cop a feel under here or anything." Jeez, I was crass.

He sighed, and I heard the rustle of the comforter as he slid underneath it.

Somehow, I still found myself frowning.

Oh. It was because this one of my fantasies wasn't complete.

"Um…Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you…?"

"Am I what?"

"Are you much…of a…cuddler?" _Way to be subtle, Jamie._

Silence.

"No, I'd say not."

_Well, fuck._

"Would you mind?" I asked innocently.

"I'm not sure…"

"I'm warning you, I'll take that as a no."

"Whatever." I could hear the smile in his voice.

I scooted closer towards him, tentatively aligning my body with his. I found it difficult to relax, since I was basically in bed with a hot, half-naked boy I'd had a crush on for a while now, but at the same time, I felt so safe. I could feel the touch of that jock all over my body, and I wanted to rid myself of the awful impression his frigid hands had left with his too-tight grip.

I turned so that my face was towards his chest, and his arm wrapped around me. He was so warm.

I stayed completely still for about a minute before I – with the utmost caution – reached a probing hand out to stroke the abs I'd been dying to touch. I froze as I felt them constrict under my fingers.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"It's cool."

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness by now, so I looked up to meet his eyes. The light from a lamppost outside was illuminating them to an almost silver shade that rivaled the moon.

"Hey, Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For saving me for – what? – the 100th time. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up…" I sounded like a complete damsel, but right now, I just didn't care.

"Not quite the 100th," he smiled. "And you're welcome."

At that moment, I realized we were in the exact same situation we'd been in not too long ago. Well, not _exactly_ the same, but it was pretty close. This realization – and my own desires – seemed to propel me to do what happened next.

I kissed him.

It was shy, and it was one of those barely-there kisses, but I felt the most amazing feeling when our lips brushed for that one instant. So I did it again.

This time I was a tiny bit braver, pressing our lips a little closer together for a little longer. There was an electricity I'd never felt while I was kissing anyone else before, and it left me wanting more.

Our lips met again, the distance closed mutually. This time my hands reached up to tangle my fingers into his hair, and I drew myself closer. I felt the flexing of his muscles as his arms encircled my waist more tightly, and I was drawn into his warmth.

I pressed my lips more eagerly against his, and he responded equally. It felt like all of my pent-up desires I'd held for him were rushing to the surface at this one moment, and it was amazing. I turned with well-practiced precision so that I was on top of him, and he took that moment to press his lips to the spot of my throat, right under my chin.

"Alex," I breathed out.

He took that as I sign to trail his lips slowly along the length of my neck, pressing warm kisses everywhere, as if to find that one spot everyone had hidden somewhere. I thought he'd found it when I released a soft purr of pleasure, but he soon touched on a softer, more sensitive area.

I couldn't hold back the gasp as he started doing all sorts of things to the delicate spot.

I never wanted him to stop.

I brought my hands down behind him, gliding the pads of my fingers over the hard planes of his back.

He moaned, much to my satisfaction.

I was beginning to _feel_ him responding to my touch, and I didn't want anything but to be nearer to him. I stroked my hands over his abs, relishing the feel of them.

I meshed our lips back together, my tongue poking out tentatively. He welcomed the intrusion, creating a complicated interaction between the muscles. I wasn't expecting it when he turned us, so that he hovered over me. I pulled him down, tighter against me, and I could feel every line of our bodies connecting.

I'd lost all train of thought ages ago, and my body was moving on its own accord, pressing itself closer against him. We both groaned at the contact, and that pushed me farther, so that I began rolling my hips up into him.

"Ah!" I breathed when he returned the movement. I couldn't recall ever having such perfect body chemistry with any of my boy toys, and that made it all the better. _He_ was better.

One of his hands had tangled into my hair, probing my sensitive scalp perfectly. I let out a tiny mewl at his touch.

"You're so soft," he whispered.

I knew then and there that we were going to end up going too far if we didn't stop. The problem was, I didn't care. I wanted nothing more than to get myself even closer to him, if that was even possible, and meld our bodies together, feel every inch of his body, responding to mine…

I heard the front door open.

_My mom! How am I going to explain this?_

I quickly disentangled myself from his body.

My mother hadn't bothered to check on me, for which I was grateful, and I was secretly relieved her presence had stopped me from doing something I'd sworn off until much later.

"Um…I'm…sorry," I whispered, not daring to meet his eyes.

"Me, too. That was crossing the line, and…I'm sorry."

A heavy silence hung over the air, suffocating me.

"Well, this is awkward," I mumbled after a minute, mostly to myself.

"This whole situation is awkward," he replied just as quietly. "…I should go."

Though I wanted him to stay, another part of me was rejoicing, because now I didn't have to deal with the whole situation, and I knew this was probably the smartest decision to make right now.

So I kept silent, just watching as he quickly yanked his clothes back on, and slipped silently out of the room.

My head seemed much clearer now that I wasn't distracted by the amazing things Alex had been doing. _How could you have __**done**__ that? What is wrong with you, Jamie, you can't just kiss him like that! Well, you __**can**__, but that doesn't mean you __**should.**_

_Even though it's what I've dreamed of doing for what? Like, almost 2 years. And he's a __**really**__ good kisser… _I touched my lips, smiling at the ghost of his touch.

_**No! **__Knock it off! This is bad-_

_Wait. Why is this bad? It's not like we're in some Shakespearean play! No misfortune will come from a relationship between us!_

_Except for your popularity._

_Fuck that! My status is too high for that to happen. The only thing that would happen is make his go up._

_Okay, you're right, but you know he's…difficult. Think of what you and Emily were talking about the other day! If you wanted to make him your boyfriend_, _it wouldn't be easy._

_I know. But guys legit consider me a sex kitten, and I'm a virgin. So whatever._

_Right. You'll try and get all awkward._

_Probably. But then I'll be cool. I'd only be awkward because I like him, so-_

_If you're awkward at all, the whole thing will be ruined!_

_No it won't! Because I won't be awkward. But I won't act like some sort of mistress either, because he'll notice. But everyone knows I get what I want, so if I want this to happen, it'll happen._

I continued plotting, for the better part of a couple hours, until the time caught up with me.

So I drifted off to sleep like that, perfectly content.

But at the same time, not at all.

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><p><strong>AN: AAAAHHHH MAJOR, MAJOR, ****MAJOR**** THINGS HAPPENING! The dance! The rescue! The kiss! The make out! ALLOFTHESETHINGSAREHAPPENING! Anyways, I was kind of getting myself hot and bothered as I was writing the end, so hopefully it does the same to you (; If you were wondering about Jamie's rather odd train of thought, it's based on mine, since my thoughts usually work in a dual-tone – one positive, and one negative. You can usually tell the difference by the content of the thought, or the fact that positive is in First-person, and negative is in Second. As if they're talking to each other. And Maddie was being rather bitchy in this chapter O: Don't worry, it's not because of anything, it's entirely story-related, Little Bear! You'll find out soon. And Emily finally appeared! :D Yay. Anyways, gives me lots of feedback and reviews because otherwise I WILL NEVER UPDATE AGAIN! MUAHAHA!**


	10. Author's Note

**EDIT: Sorry for probably pissing you all off to no end, but I needed to tell you guys that the little Preface thingy is up so feel free to Review! Sorry, love you all! *heart***

**A/N: Sorry for probably letting you guys down with lack of a chapter (I think Luvsurstory is going to kill me, now) but it was KILLING ME, so I had to do this. First, I'm going to address things dealing with the previous chapter. (I'm copy and pasting the majority of this from what I planned on putting in my Author's Note for the next chapter) The alignment with the time-space blocks I have (those little lines of X's) got all jacked up on my last chapter, and it's irking me to no end. Sigh. (Reframe: They actually reverted to how they should have been when I attempted to fix them. That's why it looked like I updated twice, because I deleted Chapter 9, and replaced it with the fixed version.)**

**So how did you guys like the end of last chapter? I like smut, and all its glory, but it makes me want to scream when it's just…gross. You know when you read smut, but it's just really…trashy, and makes you not even want to read it? I cannot stand that, so I will write, and rewrite a smut – well, a makeout – scene until I get it right. I mean, with those, it should highlight the MCs…feelings I guess you could say. It should be sexy, but not just like, "I want your *bleep* in my *bleep* so *bleep* me right here, so hard."**

**I was looking through old documents on my laptop, when I found this old thing I wrote a long time ago. I'm not sure if it was meant to be a Preface, or what, but I **_**really**_** liked it. The theme fits this story, but it's a bit too dark for it. I would fit it into my other story (that I cancelled, and will rewrite) but it doesn't quite fit the theme. I don't know, if you guys want to see it, I'll post it…somewhere…I don't know. Probably on my profile, or as an extension to an Author's Note. Haha, whatever, just ask and you shall receive (;**

**I am kicking myself so much right now, because when I tweak people's names I try to make it very similar to theirs, but not the same, right? Well, we know that my MC is a self-insert, and her last name is Miller. My last name starts with a V. I didn't think much of it, before, but now, I'm like -**

**So anyway, I'm going to be stupid, and change things – AGAIN! – so my MC's last name will now be something similar to mine. Do you guys like Verlin or Verlotte? (Say it like, vur-low) Anyway, ignore my stupidity, and many apologies. I'll actually probably change the chapters I've already published so that her last name is the same as in the chapters after this one, haha.**

**Now I will bring up the main point I had for writing this.**

**I really, really, really, really, really, reallyreallyreallyreally **_**really**_** want to rewrite this story. I was looking at my past chapters and wanted to actually cry at how **_**awful**_** they are. (Sorry, Drama Queen) Everything goes too fast, and it's terribly juvenile, and nothing seems…**_**real**_** enough! I hate it with the passion of 1,000 suns! The only chapter I even like, now is chapter 9! It's just…ugh! I know I'm probably being melodramatic about this, but I just can't get over how much I **_**hate**_** it, because I know that I could make it so much better, now. I know I'm highlighting the fact that I have problems with decision-making and stuff like that, but I just really can't stand the rest of this story.**

**I don't know, I need you guys to tell me what you think, so review or PM me because I **_**legit**_** need feedback about everything, right now. So, basically, tell me if you want to read that I thing I mentioned, tell me which surname you'd prefer (I'm definitely changing it) and tell me if I should rewrite or not. Love you all, and I'm sorry for all the craziness I put you guys through. (I'd make a heart if I could)**


	11. Another Author's Note

**A/N: You have no idea how sorry I am for writing another Author's Note when you guys are expecting another chapter. I was thinking about it, and listening to some of my favorite music, and it just inspired me to start writing. Well, rewriting. I opened the first chapter of Shattered Faces that I wrote, and I kind of started rewriting it. I just realized how much better I could make this story if I rewrote it (before I just thought it would be a little better, but I'm legit like, "Wow, this is **_**so**_** much better." I like what I've rewritten a lot so far, so I think I may keep doing that. Don't worry! I'm not deleting this, so I think when I finish rewriting the first chapter, I'll publish it as another story. What do you guys think? It's pretty much the same thing, but it will have a lot of stuff that isn't in this story, or things that happened differently than in this story. Actually, there will probably be a lot of things that happen differently, but in a better way, I can 100% **_**promise **_**you that! So, yeah, it will definitely be much better than what I have here, I can assure you, so I want you guys to check it out when I publish it. Okay, reading that back over, it sounds kind of confusing. Okay, bottom line: Same basic storyline, same characters, same type of drama, just…it'll be better. And some things will be a tiny bit different. Like, Emily will be there from the beginning, it won't be so juvenile, and (the most important thing) Jamie and Alex's relationship will be much better developed. I'm sure we can agree that it seems they became good friends too fast, so it's going to be a bit more realistic, and just…better. And I know during the time period of my life I was going through all these things (I will say a million times that Jamie is a Self-Insert) that music was a **_**huge**_** part of my life – honestly, it's probably what kept me going all that time – so I will incorporate that into the story as I rewrite. (If you want to know, I was practically possessed to rewrite by listening to Makedamnsure by Taking Back Sunday. It just fit the characters so well, and I've always just loved that song – it gives me chills every time I hear it – so you can be assured that song will be mentioned at the **_**very least.**_**) So there's that. And I also want to tell you guys that I've published that Preface thing (a while ago, actually) so go read it and Review. And I've also published the story I took down (but I think since I'm rewriting this, I'll rewrite that to fit the story as well, since it's just a separate POV during SF). But oh well, go check them out, and Review them; make me happy, even though I make you guys go on an awful roller coaster for reading my stories. But, that's why you guys are so amazing, and I love you so much! And if you guys are worried, I'll keep updating, unless when I publish the (much improved) version of this story, you want me to focus on that one. Hopefully you do, because I prefer that story already, and I haven't even finished the first chapter! But it's up to you guys. (But seriously, pick the other story, **_**please!**_**) And, as I said above, you guys don't even know how much I want to find you and give you all attack hugs for putting up with all this bull I pull (that rhymed). It's quite admirable. *hugs***


	12. Chapter 10

**A/N: *This is important, so read it, beyotch!***

**BEFORE I DO ANYTHING I'M TELLING YOU NOW THAT I'VE UPLOADED THAT LITTLE PREFACE THINGY SO YOU GUYS SHOULD **_**GO READ IT AND REVIEW**_** SO I CAN TURN CAPS LOCK OFF! Much better. Yeah, I know, I haven't updated in a million years, so this chapter is super long (over 10k words). I now have OVER 50 FUCKING REVIEWS! Words cannot explain how much I love you guys! Exclamation point! I have a feeling all the reviews I get from Luvurstory are going to make me laugh, so I'm looking forward to that. I've also recently decided to start PMing everyone who Reviews, Favorites, or puts this story on their Alert List. BE PREPARED! I might just force you people who sit quietly in the shadows to Review!**

**I was just thinking about it the other day, and I have no idea how long this story's going to be. My brain is an asshole, and doesn't give me ideas for how I should do things that **_**need**_** to be accomplished **_**first**_** in this story, only random ideas for things that happen later, or ideas for other stories altogether. My brain is an asshole. But I still love it. I'd be an even bigger idiot without it, so I'm glad it decided to be smart, haha. That's how brain functions work, right? Don't brains just decide whether or not they want to be smart? I'll look into that…**

**So, based on your guys' feedback, I'm using the surname Verlotte. Yay, now she has my initials :D Anyway, ignore my stupidity, and many apologies. I'll actually probably change the chapters I've already published so that her last name is the same as in the chapters after this one, haha.**

**Also based on your feedback, I'm not rewriting. I'm sure you're all jumping for joy now, or what-the-fuck-ever. So this story will be finished, and I will continue on with whatever story I feel like starting afterwards. (Reframe: Actually if you guys like the improved version better and you want me to, I'll put my focus on that one.) Do you guys want me to start with Bloody Memories, the sequel to this story, or something else, because I have several story ideas in progress (several of which I've already began writing).**

**And you know how Jamie's kind of awkward with the whole relationship thing with Alex? Well, that's supposed to be like that. I find myself in awkward moments about 10 times a day, so I wanted to incorporate that into my character, but with relationships, she's also had the company of many boys – though she's still unicorn bait – so on the other hand, she has that sort of confidence with guys. It's weird, because I'm weird, and my personality will be all cute and shy one day, and totally confident and "Come at me, bro!" the next. So yeah.**

**And you know how my descriptions for things aren't always super descriptive? It's because Jamie's sort of scatterbrained (because I am). She's very observant, but that's mostly with reading people and their body language, and she tends to be more aware of what's going on around her, rather than right in front of her. (She's easily distracted) Oh, and she's very high-strung (because I am) so nearly every time she's talking (which is quite often) her voice is very fast, but the people around her have grown accustomed to it, so they can usually tell what she's saying. Of course, there's still times where they have to be like "Wait, what? Say that again." Because my friends have to have me do that from time to time. Haha, it's 'cause I'm crazy. Anyways, so basically, all of my ANs, and Jamie's dialogue, I read in a very hyper, upbeat tone (unless it's a sad moment) so I would advise you do that, toooooo! (Back on track, away from the tangents!)**

**Alex is very observant, however, and he notices the smallest things. For example, like everyone has a sort of "tell" for if they're lying or not, and he's able to pick up on it, even if people are really good liars (like Jamie). I'll add little details to make this more apparent from now on, and in the sequel, so keep on reading :3**

**AND I almost forgot! You know how Alex has a…well like pretty much perfect physique? There is a reason! It may or may not be shown in this story, but it definitely will in the sequel. I don't know, if you guys **_**really**_** want to know, I'll put it in, but it'll only be gone over briefly, since this isn't his POV. *End longest AN ever***

***For FictionPress Readers!***

**I feel so, so, so, so, sosososososo stupid! I completely forgot to even put your guys' AN in last chapter! I guess I was just a **_**little**_** too excited about updating, haha. Anyways, I'm **_**so freaking happy**_** I have over 20 Reviews now! Squee! It seems like it's more difficult to get Reviews on FP than FF for some reason, so I'm legit psyched I have this many Reviews. Virtual hugs to all (I'd make a heart if I could. Oh, well, less than three!)**

**Now that I think about it, your guys' ANs are always way shorter that my FF ones! It's probably because all the crazy flows out when I first start typing. So you should probably just read both the original and the FP Notes, so stuff makes sense. See? You guys get all this extra stuff! Aren't you lucky? (Or maybe not…I don't know, more stuff to read is Heaven to me, but I guess if you're sitting there thinking "'Eff this, uh jus wunnah read the dam storeh!" (My bad translation of Fangirl) that it's really not the great huh? Oh, no, that's what I'm doing right now, isn't it? Never mind! On with your reading! **

**Let my words whisk your mind into a different dimension! And my characters steal your hearts, to love and fap to! Wait…Lolwut? o3o Hey, look at that! It's a super long Author's Note. Crap, now I have to make an Old Spice joke.**

**Hello, Readers! Look at your AN. Now back to mine. Now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, it is not mine, but if you stopped to think (or not think at all) and let random shit come to your mind, it could look like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You're on my Profile, looking at my stories that you'd like to read. What's in your hand? I have it, it's this story with a chapter that you'll love. Look again. The chapter is now Skittles. Anything is possible when you just type what random thoughts come to your mind. I'm on a laptop!**

* * *

><p>"I am so <em>stupid!"<em> I screeched at myself.

I was throwing stuffed animals – yes, I still had a crazy huge collection of stuffed animals from my childhood; I'd never gotten around to getting rid of them – around the room like a mad woman, and I probably looked like one. I was going around the room, screaming, with a crazy look in my eyes.

I jumped when I heard the doorbell ring.

I knew who my mind immediately placed the intrusion on, but that outcome would only end horribly.

So I hid.

I launched myself under the covers of my bed, pulling them to cover my entire body. It was a really crappy hiding place, but it worked for the time being.

"Jamie! _Hello! _Hey, get your ass out here before I yell something _embarrassing!"_

Oh, it was Shelby.

"Alright. Hey, everyone, Jamie has wet dre-"

As soon as the first word left her mouth, I tore down the stairs. Both of us had no shame, but Shelby found it _hilarious_ to fuck with us.

I wrenched the door out of my way, and tackled her.

"If you dare to finish that sentence, I will kill you."

She just laughed, even though I had her pinned beneath me on my front lawn. "You look like Hell grew arms and legs and started attacking people."

"Only when those people are being a nuisance."

She still just laughed. "Hey, Emily, say something to calm down the Hulk, alright?"

"Oh, hi, Emily." I hadn't seen her at first. I was a bit preoccupied…

My eyes darted around for a half-second, taking in Maddie's absence.

"Hi," she smiled. "So what was Shelby talking about before?"

"Oh, just that J has wet dreams about A-"

"You…will…_die!_"

"…Alex?"

I sighed, climbing off Shelby and dusting myself off as I walked back to the doorway. "Yes. Unfortunately, since I'm a teenage girl, and my body currently holds enough hormones to actually kill someone in their 30's, my libido is out of whack, I guess you could say." A smirk crossed my face. "However, since it seems my brain was _made_ to reside in the gutter, it doesn't bother me all too much…"

She grimaced, which I took note of.

"Yeah, I mean, there was this one where-"

"No! I don't want to hear it!"

I giggled. "That's 'ight. It was nothing compared to what actually happened, though." My hand immediately smacked over my mouth. _Word vomit, why do you loathe me so?_ Actually, I wasn't entirely sure I _hadn't_ meant to say something…

"_What?"_ Both of them immediately asked, though Shelby was much more in my face about it.

"Ah…" My split personalities were grappling with each other, fighting over what I should say.

_Tell them! Every last detail! _My gossipy side giggled.

_No! Tell them nothing! Imagine the problems it would cause!_

_But I really want to tell them… _It was a natural inclination I had. Everyone knew I was always the one supplying words to the conversation, so unless the information was off-limits, I would burst with the need to share it.

"…We kissed last night," a paused, biting down on my lip, "Actually made out is probably a better term…" the last part was mumbled mostly to myself, so I wasn't sure they'd heard.

Silence.

"Oh. My. Fucking…" Shelby trailed off. "I don't even…I don't even know where to begin, but I'm going to do this." She flew through the door, bouncing like a jumping bean. "Oh, I'm so excited for you!" Her voice was so high-pitched, it almost hurt. "We have to do something, you have to call him, and be like, 'Hey, just wanted to say that I love you,' or something like that!"

Emily was almost as bad. "Aww, this is perfect! You wanted him, right? So now you have him! Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy for you!"

"You guys act like I'm getting married," my tone sounded almost annoyed. Possibly because part of me was.

"Nearly!" Shelby screamed. "But don't worry, when that day comes your Bachelorette party will be _unforgettable_."

"Why aren't you happy?" Emily asked, looking worried. "This is good, right?"

I stared at her blankly, though my bubbly side was clawing at its restraints…

I finally broke, and started squealing, too. "Yes. Oh, my gosh, it was amazing, like…"

"Fireworks?" Her blue eyes sparkled.

"More like a nuclear _explosion!"_

"So he's a good kisser, then?" Shelby inquired.

"If by good you mean, able to make me practically do him after about 10 seconds, then yes."

"For real?" Shelby's eyebrows shot up.

"Yes. I felt really trashy after, though, because you know I want to…wait…" I looked away from her eyes.

"Yay, abstinence!"

"Shelby, you're not a virgin anymore."

"Oh, right."

"Well! Away from that point in conversation!" Emily cut us off. "What are you going to do?"

My expression became neutral again, and my response was instant. "I'm going to avoid him at all costs."

"No! Not likely at _all!"_ Shelby frowned.

"I kind of have to agree. This operation is going full force." Emily smiled, determination glinting in her eyes.

"What does that entail?" I asked, voice dark.

"Anything we find necessary," Shelby answered haughtily, "So be prepared."

"I don't think that's possible."

She ignored me, hopping up the stairs to my room.

I followed, my shoulders slumped. This was going to be a long day. "Come on, Em. This is sort of routine. We're used to being at each other's houses, so we probably know them better than our own," I explained.

Shelby was already in my room – probably doing something I'd yell at her for – so Emily and I were alone, momentarily.

"You know, I still don't actually know _who_ this guy is."

"Oh, I'll introduce you if the world doesn't implode first," I smiled.

"Fun. From what I've heard, I'm picturing a sort of Pete Wentz meets Boy-Next-Door."

I threw my head back in laughter. "I guess you could say that." I stopped momentarily, my eyes going off to the side in thought. "Well…no."

"No?"

"Mm…More of a…Frank Iero." I paused thoughtfully, a smirk playing over my lips. "But he still wins in that competition."

"That settles it; I'm definitely meeting him!"

"Uh huh. So how'd stuff go with your _dance partner_ last night?" These deets needed to be spilled.

"It was amazing! I didn't really find that much out about him, though," she frowned, a thoughtful look coming over her face.

"Do you at least have a name?"

She smiled. "Nick."

"Not a last name, eh?"

"…No," her grin became almost apologetic, then shifted to shock. "Oh! I'm so stupid!"

"Don't worry, Emmer; happens to the best of us." I liked to try out nicknames, sue me.

"Emmer?" She gave me a "Did you really just say that?" look.

"What? Sounds cute," I pouted, giggling when she snorted.

"Are you guys making out around that corner, or what?" Shelby called out.

"Ugh, God no!" Emily's nose wrinkled. "Strictly into guys."

"And disappointing many more with that statement," I looked at her seriously. "…I'm kidding," I tacked on at her expression.

"What a relief," Sarcasm dripped from her voice. "Okay, so what are we doing? Being girls and just talking, or plotting?"

"Most likely-"

"PLOTTING!" Shelby screamed.

"Okay, so we're plotting." I smiled. "I take it about something I'd rather not discuss?" I looked pointedly at Shelby's manic grin as I entered the room.

"Of course! Like how you need to inform him about your lack of a gag reflex – in depth," she winked.

I snorted.

I figured either Emily had given up on even reacting to the bile spewing from our mouths, or she wasn't paying attention. It was the latter.

"Hey, so I was thinking, what if you just like…were up front about it?"

"'Bout what?" I turned to face her.

"The…thing. With you guys."

"Ah, I'm so glad you cleared up any doubts about what the subject of this conversation may be. Okay, sarcasm aside, I don't think that would work."

"Why not?"

"Well…I briefly mentioned how we're both kind of the same, in a way, and we're both kind of awkward about a lot of the same stuff. Honestly, I'd treat it like nothing – well, not _nothing_, but you know what I mean – if I kissed another guy, especially since pretty much all the other guys at this school are just using First Base as a segue to Home Plate, but he's different, like I explained, so it wouldn't work out, because that would make me awkward, and if I'm awkward, the whole thing is going to get all jacked up. 'Awkward' is a prominent word in my vocabulary." I hadn't stopped to breathe once, as I often did when I wanted words out. In that situation, I actually often tripped over my words, since they wouldn't come out fast enough.

"Oh. I see what you mean. I don't know. I think you should at least…try…to do something. It's better than regretting not doing something when you grow up, right?"

"All hail Emily Dubois, Motivational Speaker!" I raised my hands in a mock worshipping pose, causing her to laugh.

Over the past few days, I'd learned Emily was French, though English was her first language. Her parents were originally from France, but had immigrated to America, wanting to better understand "us Americans." Emily was actually born somewhere in the States; the Dubois had jumped from place to place in the U.S. before deciding they liked the life of our tiny, Californian city.

"I'm still planning on being a Lawyer."

"Don't care. Give speeches in your free time," I shrugged.

"Okay," Shelby said, serious for once, "Now, we," she pointed to herself and Emily, "are going to make sure she," she pointed to me, "gets with him," she paused. "Pretend he's right there," she pointed to the empty space beside me.

"Question!" Emily raised a hand.

"Yes, Miss Dubois?"

I snorted, which they both ignored.

"What if we don't know what the target looks like?"

"Good question. I'll point him out to you, so don't worry."

"Question," I mumbled.

"You're not allowed to have questions," Shelby said curtly before continuing. "Alright, so you guys were going hot and heavy last night-"

I giggled, which she ignored.

"And then what?"

"…Hm?"

"What happened?"

"Oh, he…left."

"Why- well no, I guess that makes sense…"

"Why are we talking about this?" It was a stupid question, but I really couldn't fathom why they needed to drag up all the embarrassment of the subject.

"Are you _retarded?_ You can't really be asking that question."

"Bite me! This is just…stupid. I don't feel it's important to bring up something so personal, especially since I don't want to talk about it." I knew Emily would probably drop it if I pulled the Personal Card, so I was counting on it. Shelby would be more difficult.

"You had no problem telling us."

My head turned to the side so quickly, it's a wonder I didn't get whiplash.

Emily was smirking at me, clearly pleased with her statement.

I opened my mouth to refute the claim, but quickly closed it. I could argue all I wanted, but it was true; I'd basically dug my own grave.

"You can all burn," I hissed in a low voice.

"Don't worry, we're already going to Hell, so we might as well just live it up while we can," Shelby shrugged, quoting me. "Now, what can we do…?"

"Idea!" Emily chirped.

"Yes?"

I was thinking about how it was pretty stupid, letting me listen to their scheming, since that would make it so much easier to escape them. Well, it was good for me.

"Well what if we-"

"Wait. J, you can't listen in, you have to go."

"This is _my_ damn house!"

"Don't care. Out."

"Make me," I folded my arms over my chest. It was childish, but I was _not_ going to stand for being extracted from my own bedroom.

An absolutely wicked smiled slid onto Shelby's face, as she stalked towards me.

***Two days later***

I sat in my car, my entire body shaking.

I was terrified, but it was also freezing outside, so I would have blamed it on that.

Emily and Shelby had come up with a solution – that I wasn't aware of – to apparently get me and Alex together, and it was scaring the crap out of me. Shelby was crazy, and Emily seemed to lose a few screws when things involved a friend's love-life. Thinking about Saturday reminded me of Shelby's method for getting me out.

I certainly hadn't been expecting it. Honestly, I thought they'd pull some elementary thing and just carry me out.

But no.

Shelby had walked over to me, climbing into my lap. I didn't think much of it, since all of us were rather touchy-feely, but she took it farther when she kissed me.

I had no real problem with stuff like that – she'd pulled that once at a party – but it was a bit – a lot – nerve-wracking when she started to _really_ kiss me. Like the type of things you do with someone when you're _thisclose_ to hooking up. The addition of the heavy petting was what set me off.

I'd torn out of that room in record time, barely noticing Emily's shell-shocked expression.

I watched a few people pass by before I closed my eyes, sighing. _Just get it over with._

I squared my shoulders before sliding out and making my way towards first period. I met my groupies about halfway, stopping to talk to them for a bit. Funny how you can go on about absolutely nothing for such a long time. I was in the middle of a sentence when I saw him.

He was leaning against a wall a few yards away, attractive as ever, his attention directed towards a small piece of metal I identified as a cell phone.

God, all the indecent things I wanted to do.

As soon as the thought was in my mind, it wouldn't remove itself, and it was slowly becoming more appealing, by the second. It would be a really, _really_ stupid thing to do, but the more I looked at him, the less I cared.

I weighed my options, mentally waving my hand before I could lose the nerve. So I slowly stalked towards him, a no-doubt sultry look in my eyes. His eyes flicked toward me as I came closer, and looking into them made me throw away all of my caution. I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, yanking his mouth down to mine.

"Hi, there," I whispered after I pulled away.

"Hey," he smirked. "Everyone's staring, you know?" His voice didn't seem all too concerned for a change.

"Then let's give them a show," a said haughtily, our lips crashing together again.

I shook my head. _That was all in your imagination, you need to snap out of it, J._

_But he looks so__** good!**__ Why didn't I do anything with that lip ring when I had the chance…?_

_Knock it off! This isn't going to work if you keep thinking like that._

_But we have all our classes together, so it's not like I can really __**avoid**__ him._

_Shut up, you know you're great at stuff like that if you really want to avoid someone._

_Only half of me does…_

I frowned, turning back towards the group I was currently entertaining.

"Hey, I have to go, I was planning on meeting someone," I explained, quickly rushing off to where I always met with my friends.

"You better tell me what the fuck you're planning if you want to survive the day," I whispered harshly once I reached Shelby.

"Classified information," she responded.

"Emily?" I turned towards her pleadingly.

"Not a chance," she smiled.

I huffed out a breath. "Well if I don't have an anxiety attack, I'll kill you both."

"No you won't," Shelby waved me off, knowing my tendency to make threats I wouldn't follow through on. "And you'll thank us later."

"That's what people say when they're doing something someone doesn't want them to do!"

She shrugged, not bothering to answer.

"Fine. So, anything new with your boyfriend?" I asked Emily, eyebrow quirked. Emotions be damned, I could gossip all day long.

"He's not my boyfriend. And no, I haven't seen him since the dance," she frowned.

"Aw."

"Yeah. There's this one guy I think is pretty cute, though."

"Oh? Who?"

She blushed, "Well, he's really sweet, his name's Derek. He has dark blond hair and navy blue eyes."

"That sounds familiar. What's his last name?"

"Hurley."

"Oh! Oh, hell no, you cannot date him."

"Why?"

"Emily," I placed a hand on her shoulder, "Let me tell you about this thing called the metaphorical closet…"

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"Because he's so far back in, he's in Narnia," I explained.

She snorted. "No he isn't! He was actually flirting with me."

"It's called acting, Em."

"I refuse to believe that."

"Fine, but don't complain when he cheats on you with your poolboy."

She burst into laughter at that. "Fine. But I still don't think he's gay."

I nodded. "Alright. So you gonna wait for him to ask you out?"

"Of course! Obviously I'm not going to do it."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you _know_ how many girls are the first to initiate a relationship nowadays? Guys actually think that's hot, you know?"

"No, it makes you look desperate."

"It does not. Only if you become some kind of stalker. But seriously, if you want to date him, initiate! I mean, don't just ask him out if you've only known each other for like, a day, but you shouldn't worry about it so much."

"No. I…I don't know, that's just embarrassing."

I shrugged. I understood the whole "out of my comfort zone" thing, so it was fine. But no one ever got anywhere by just swaying in the shadows. I didn't push it though. "Well, I would prefer you get with Mobster Nick, but if you're craving something fruity, be my guest."

She giggled, shaking her head at my obnoxious nature.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

I was walking towards the Office after school, going to pick up my uniform. I'd left it there that morning, since I didn't want it to get messed up in my backpack during the day. Our coach required us to wear our uniforms during every practice, pom-poms and all, since it helped us grow accustomed to performing in them.

I pushed the door open, greeted by a rush of warm air that returned the feeling to my fingers and nose.

"Anything I can help you with?" A secretary asked me with a smile.

"Yes, I left my Cheer uniform here this morning, I was coming to pick it up."

"Oh, let me get it," she replied, flitting into another room.

I shifted my weight to one leg, staring blankly at random objects in the room as I waited, my attention mostly occupied by the digital photo album that resided on the front desk.

"Here you go!" she returned, holding my duffel, embellished with our school's red and white colors.

"Thank you," I beamed, taking it from her perfectly manicured fingers and walking out.

I slipped into the bathroom to change, pulling my hair back into a ponytail. We had to always look perfect in uniform, which I was very adamant about. I smiled at my reflection, my skirt swaying around my thighs as I went out towards our regular practice area. I shivered at the burst of frigid air that attacked my skin immediately, my muscles nearly freezing completely. I shook my head, staring down at my feet in order to will them to keep moving forward.

Until I slammed into something.

_Fuck, that __**hurt**__,_ I cursed internally.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't-" I stopped, when I saw who it was. "…Paying attention."

He looked down at me, taking in my attire. "Uniform, huh?" There was a strange bitterness in his voice I didn't understand.

"…Yeah."

Silence.

"Hey. Can we…talk?" I asked, not looking at him. "What happened…that was-"

"A mistake, right?" His voice was harsh, so I hesitated, trying to stop myself from focusing on the crack in the pavement that I suddenly found fascinating, and avoiding conversation.

"…No. It was…unexpected. And…it probably wasn't a smart decision, but it…" I paused, looking for the right words, "I don't regret it," I said finally, looking up to meet his eyes. I didn't bother worrying about the intensity my gaze probably bore, since this needed to be said. _It's now or never…_

"I…I…"

He said nothing, just continued to stare back at me with those eyes. Those impenetrable eyes.

"I like you," I said, my voice strangled, half whisper and half shout.

He still said nothing.

"…Okay?" I whispered after a moment, my voice more fragile than a spider's thread.

His gaze finally shifted, looking away from me for a half-second before returning to my eyes, a more hardened expression in place. "No, you don't."

He gave me no chance to reply before he turned on his heel, vanishing into the thick fog looming around.

I didn't move. I don't think I could.

I was shocked, to say the least. _How could he think I'm lying? Have I been reading too much into things? What if he really doesn't feel the same way? Of course he doesn't, I mean-_

_He might just not believe you._

_But …__**why**__, dammit? Why the __**fuck**__ is everything so hard?_

I was starting to lose it. That always happened to me if I was ever upset, I would get pissed off soon after.

_But why? Nothing makes any sense…_

"…mie! Jamie! Hey, Jamie!"

I remained motionless.

"Hey! What are you doing, we need to get to practice or Coach is gonna be pissed!" Maddie.

"Sorry, I'm coming," my voice was flat, even to my ears.

"Okay, good."

We walked in silence, which was out-of-character for both of us, especially when we were together.

"…I feel like we haven't really talked that much," I said after a while.

"Yeah," she responded curtly. Even now, I could tell she was avoiding conversation.

"So…what's going on?"

"Nothing," she shrugged. Her voice sounded too snippy for my taste.

Something in me just snapped, and I stopped, turning towards her. "That's bullshit and you know it Madison, now I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but I can tell you're avoiding me."

She turned, a glare leveled on her face. "Oh, I don't know, could it be your fucking PMS? God, what is your problem?"

"You! I don't understand why you're being such a bitch lately!"

"Me? _Me?_ Oh fuck no. You just so fucking perfect and you complain about the _stupidest_ shit all the time! 'Oh, I'm so ugly, I can't do this, I can't do that, you're so much better than me!' Shut the fuck up."

"What is that supposed to mean? Just because I'm not so fucking full of myself like you and go around bragging about how 'I'm so hot and obviously everyone wants to get with me, I just feel bad for everyone who isn't as fortunate as _I_ am!'"

"That's bullshit!"

"Bitch, no it is not! You say stuff like that all the fucking time!"

"Are you that fucking stupid, you can't understand a fucking _joke?"_

"Are _you _that fucking stupid, you can fool yourself into thinking it's a joke? Because everyone else can tell that you're being serious!"

"What's going on, here?"

Our heads both whipped in the direction of the voice.

My heartbeat skyrocketed. If it was our coach, our lives would pretty much be over. For fighting – especially the way we were, right now – we'd be off like that. It was one thing to not make it on the squad, since only the best were accepted, but being kicked off was, by far, one of the worst things that could happen to anyone at this school. It was social humiliation, something that may or may not _actually_ kill me.

Thank God, it was just one of our teammates.

"Jess?" I asked tentatively.

"Yeah. Um, what's going on? I heard yelling…"

"Nothing," I replied quickly. "Don't we need to get to practice?"

"Yeah, Coach actually sent me, since you guys were taking so long."

"Oh, sorry about that."

"It's fine, but you should probably hurry."

I took heed of her advice, though my head was still reeling.

_Ugh, that __**bitch!**_

_No, stop it!_

I was causing drama because of my own issues, and that was stupid. Granted, I wasn't the only one in the wrong, but I was causing the conflict, as of now.

_I think logically about everything, huh?_

_Not about your love-life._

I frowned. If my mind was a person, we'd either be best friends, or total enemies.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

I was dripping sweat from practice, even though it was about 40 degrees outside, but we worked our damn _asses_ off, so honestly, people could go fuck themselves if they said Cheerleading wasn't a real sport. We worked harder than most people who played "real" sports.

I hadn't changed out of my uniform, but I'd let down my hair, and for some reason, the mostly undone curls looked perfect in a reckless way.

Maddie and I had strictly avoided each other the whole time, which, for right now, I was more than fine with. I shook my head, the hostile thoughts falling away with the movement.

They were only to be replaced by other ones, though.

_No, you don't._

The scene kept replaying in my mind, and that same feeling crept back into the pit of my stomach along with it.

I glanced at the clock on my dashboard, having to stare at it for several minutes before I registered the time. About 20 minutes had passed since I'd first begun to leave. I took note of the lack of feeling in my hands and feet, and quickly turned my car all the way on, blasting the heat.

This was a really stupid idea, and it was terrifying, just thinking about doing it. But I needed to. I'd learned a long time ago, you never got anywhere if you didn't take risks, whether you knew they could completely screw you over if they failed, or not. You'd almost always end up regretting not trying when you had the chance.

My eyes were far away, and it was really dangerous, but I wasn't really paying attention to where I was driving. The next thing I noticed was the vaguely familiar wrought-iron gates and the sound of a voice squawking through an intercom system, asking me what I was doing there.

"It's Jamie. I'm here to…see Chad." I grimaced at the way the words sounded.

The gates opened after a moment.

_Of course it would work._

I drove through, yanking the gear into Park and turning my ignition off. I just sat there, though. I breathed deeply through my nose, trying to gather my haggard thoughts. What I was about to do was stupid, but I couldn't think of any other ideas. And I would die if it didn't work.

I strolled up to the door, my walk slightly flustered by the way my body was shaking.

From the cold, of course.

I knocked lightly on the large wooden doors that now seemed so ominous to me, and was met with an unfamiliar face. It was a woman, who I noticed was of Hispanic decent after a moment. She was slender, medium-height, with tanned skin, dark brown eyes and hair, and a sort of exotic beauty.

"May I help you?" She asked with the smallest hint of an accent.

"Yes…I'm here for…Chad." The words still felt bitter in my mouth.

"Oh," I noticed the shift of her voice. She probably thought I was another one of his booty calls. "Come in," she appraised me as she spoke, much to my irritation. "I assume you know the way to his room."

Yep. Definitely thought I was another booty call. I suppose the Cheerleader get-up wasn't exactly helping, though…

"Yes," I snapped, eyes narrowed. "Thank you for your help."

I saw the way her eyebrows rose as I turned, walking down that hallway. I glanced back, glad to see she had disappeared, so I kept walking, stopping at the door I actually wanted to find. I almost opened it, before I decided that probably wasn't a good idea. So I knocked.

I heard a very irritated "What?" through the door.

"It's Chad," I responded, mimicking his voice rather uneffectively to my own ears.

The door was tossed open within seconds, however, and his tall form was in front of me, though his eyes were closed, an almost pained expression on his face. "Don't you ever get tired of me telling you to fuck off?"

His eyes opened when I didn't respond, and I nearly shrank back from their hostility. They widened, morphing to something slightly less intimidating. "What are you doing here?" His tone was sharp, but I'd been expecting that.

"I…" I trailed off, trying to gather my thoughts. "I know that you don't think I'm being truthful when I…vocalize my…well…my feelings…but…I need you to-"

"No, this is all bullshit-"

"No, it's not if you would listen-"

"What's the point?"

"Please, just let me-"

"No. This is just stupid, because you're you, and I'm me, and there is _never_ going to be anything there!"

I felt like my entire world had just been shattered. "…Why?" I choked out.

"You're really going to ask that?" He laughed bitterly. His gaze was so intense – like it always was – but this time, in such a dark way. "Take a look at where we are. We're in high school. Nothing like this happens, except for in a bunch of stupid fucking books and movies, and even if it did, not a damn thing lasts more than maybe a year, because that's how this shithole of a world is, so just sto-"

I silenced him with a kiss, hard and fast. For a second, it almost felt like he kissed me back, but I pulled away, just an inch, staring right into his eyes. "You can't look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel something, too."

With that, I swept out, willing tears not to fall. I didn't know why I was being so emotional; nothing had ever taken control of me so much, possessing every thought, feeling and action I had, even when I hated everything about life.

I think that very clichéd half of me was willing him to come out after me, and sweep me up and just kiss me as dramatic music played in the back-round.

The funny thing about clichés? They almost never happen.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

I woke up the next day to a dark and bleak morning. It was freezing, even while I was wrapped in a furry blanket and a comforter, so I had no intention of leaving my bed. Even though I had school.

Fuck school. Fuck everything.

I was not leaving this bed today whether or not I was murdered by my parents for my recently shitty attendance record.

_My life really has become affected by this boy…_

_**No! **__Don't even think about it!_

A lone tear rolled down my cheek.

_Too late…_

I laid, not moving an inch, except to shiver at the low temperature. I was surprised my parents hadn't yelled at me for not getting up. Maybe I was actually lucky for a change.

"Jamie Verlotte! You need to get ready for school or you'll be late, ya slacker!"

Or not.

I sighed. My mother was like me, and she didn't do the bullshit. She also understood how to not hover, which was good. But she could be kind of abrasive, and I didn't want to hear a single thing right now. "I don't feel good," I whispered, mimicking the breathing pattern of someone with a sore throat.

"You don't _sound_ good," she observed, holding a slender hand to my forehead. "You feel kind of hot, too."

I nodded.

She looked as if considering something. "Alright…you can stay home." There was a strange look in her eyes, as if she knew I was lying, but was letting it slide.

"…Okay," I said hoarsely.

She smiled, brought me some medicine – that I think we both knew I wouldn't take, sick or not – and bode farewell when she left for work.

I just laid and slept periodically, though I got up once to apply makeup – for some reason, I had a peeve where whether or not I was going to see other people, I had to look presentable, otherwise I would be embarrassed to even look at myself – and another time to fetch the iPod I'd abandoned so long ago.

I stared at the empty blackness of the screen, thinking it was a good representation of my old self. I'd once labeled my iPod as my most prized possession, but I had tossed it away, never to be seen again, once I'd become the person I'd dreamed of always being.

I think I was scared other people might see my song lists, and write me off as a freak, but that couldn't have been the only reason. There was something else, some other explanation for why I'd kept the unoffending device away for so long, even though I missed it more often than not.

I flipped through my song selection lazily, the smallest of smiles on my face at the return of my precious music. But nothing seemed to fit my mood like I'd like it to. I kept sliding down before something registered, and I quickly scrolled back up, my eyes staring at the song title I'd skipped over.

I tapped it lightly with my finger, the first notes of the song already making my eyes prick with unshed tears.

_Well, when you go_

_Don't never think_

_I'll make you try to stay_

_And maybe when you get back_

_I'll be off to find another way_

_And after all this time that you still owe_

_You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know_

_So take your gloves and get out_

_Better get out_

_While you can_

_When you go_

_Would you even turn to say_

_I don't love you_

_Like I did yesterday…_

My tears were falling heavily now, and I knew there was no way I could stop them.

And I laid, crying silent tears, like the pathetic damsel I would have kicked myself for being if I'd been in my right mind.

But I still laid, my phone ringing every once in a while. First, a call from Shelby, then random ones from others in my main, other "clique." A little rush went through me at the sound of each one. I knew who I wanted it to be, but I knew that was impossible, so I forced myself to brutally murder every bit of hope before I answered each call.

The next time I woke up, it was about 6:45.

I rolled over, and I felt like I'd never felt worse in my life. Everything just felt…wrong. I couldn't explain it.

My phone alerted me to a new text, one of about 30 I'd slept through. I went through each one, starting with the oldest, before I got to the last one.

"Life sucks."

I hadn't uttered those words in years, and they left a foreign taste in my mouth.

But it was true. Life did suck, no matter how you looked at it. It would always find some way to suck, even if you thought you were finally happy.

I sighed, falling back to sleep.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

I now found I couldn't live without my iPod, and there wasn't a thing I did without it for the past couple days. I could remember back to a time where my dependency on the small piece of metal was similar, and I questioned how one person could make me feel all the same degrees of awful as I once had.

"You look bad," Emily murmured, her voice barely louder than the music in my ears; the same song I'd been playing nonstop for days, now.

I probably did. I hadn't gotten much rest, and when I had, I was crying myself to sleep. I was beginning to wonder if my sudden – and rather violent – emotional outbreak had something to do with the fact that I never admitted I actually had feelings, and kept everything hidden beneath my carefree exterior.

"Yeah," I smiled, only lowering the volume a bit, "Thanks, Em."

"Oh, well, not that you look…_bad…_just-"

"Didn't you just say that?" I quirked an eyebrow at her, smile still in place. No matter how messed up everything was, I'd still enjoy messing with Emily.

"Well, no that's not what I-"

"I was kidding," I cut her off before she could have an anxiety attack. "I know, I look like shit, you could say _that_, and I wouldn't get offended."

"I would never say that. But no, I was just saying, you seem…"

"On the verge of suicide?" I breathed dramatically, holding the back of my hand to my forehead.

She snorted. "Not exactly. But apparently, you're well enough to still make fun of me, so I guess nothing's wrong."

"You would be right. But making fun of you isn't that hard, Em. You make it too easy."

"I do not."

"Yes, you do. I mean, with your little stomps and everything."

"I do _not!"_ She squealed, becoming agitated again.

My wicked grin probably gave me away, and she sighed. "Fine. Yes, it's easy to make fun of me."

I smiled, slightly less sinfully this time, at the fact that I'd probably convinced her there was no problem with me. It wasn't all too difficult; Emily was probably one of the best people in the world to confide in, but she wasn't all too observant. It didn't matter, though. Lord knew she had her own problems to worry about.

We were on our way to a class, when we came across the person behind all of my – most recent – issues.

It wasn't like how books or movies make it out to be. I didn't feel like I was slowly dying, or being ripped apart, piece by piece. I did, however, feel a small jolt run up my spine, but otherwise, my years of never showing a thing came back to me, and I walked on, sparing him only a glance.

But as Fate would have it, he looked at me right when I sent that glance.

This time, it _was_ how books and movies make it out to be. Time didn't necessarily stop, but there was _something_ there that could only be captured within the clichéd pages of a romance novel.

But clichés would not rid me of my pride, so I showed nothing as my eyes quickly averted themselves, going back to Emily's bubbly chatter, and a simple line whispered in my ear,

_I don't love you, like I loved you yesterday._

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

_*I'm outside if you want to talk*_

My eyebrows furrowed, as I stared blankly at the text. I had to reread it about three times before the words finally registered, but they still didn't make any sense. I looked at who it was sent from.

Of course. How obvious.

I immediately hit the Reply button, about to say I'd be out.

Then I stopped.

_No. This has gone on too long._

I glared down at the small, lighted screen, willing my words to sting as much I wanted them to.

_*Fuck you*_

I sat, staring at my phone, nearly willing it to go off with a reply.

But it didn't.

I was concentrated so hard on my phone I gave out a small shriek when I heard a faint _thunk_ against my window. I traced the source of the noise, noting it came from my window.

Stones.

Oh, could you _be_ any more ridiculous?

I ripped my sheets away, not even flinching at the cold before I stalked over to my window, wrenching the frame out of my way. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to get you to talk to me."

"You didn't seem too keen on that when I wanted to," I hissed, "In case you haven't noticed, that ship has sailed."

"Please, listen to me."

"No! You can go fuck off for all I care because this is all stupid!"

"Will you tell me what you were going to say before I acted like a complete douchebag?"

"No. Read my lips. Fuck. You."

I moved to close the window again, since the cold wind was beginning to strip all feeling from my exposed skin.

"Wait!"

"What?" I snapped.

"I thought you didn't regret it."

I froze.

I wasn't very much a person for guilt trips, since it's hard to feel guilty when you usually act heartless. But for some reason, it just struck home. Probably because every little bit of me believed it so much that it hurt.

"…I'll be down in five."

I closed the window, turning away. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I would probably have to do it well.

I yanked on a pair of jeans and a warm sweater, checking my hair and makeup to see it was – for reasons unknown – perfect, though I did look a bit lifeless.

I slid down the stairs and out the door, greeted by that grey I could never get out of my mind.

"Well?" I quipped.

"Just…talk to me…"

"What do you want me to say?" My voice was not friendly, and I knew he'd take notice.

"Whatever you want."

"There are _lots_ of things I want to say to you, but I doubt you would find them very positive."

A flash of something passed through his eyes, "I want to hear the truth."

"That's a pretty fucking broad spectrum, since on the one hand, I'm fucking pissed off, because you've been acting like a complete asshole since I tried to say fucking shit, but on the other, I'm completely unable to even stay angry!"

His hardened expression became slightly upbeat.

"I mean-I…you piss me off! That's the truth!"

"And?" He asked quietly.

"And fucking _what?"_

"And what about the other hand?"

I opened my mouth, about to say something along the lines of how he could go fuck himself because there was no other hand, but something stopped me.

I took a deep breath and said what I'd meant to a long time ago; what I'd all but _rehearsed _saying to him.

"…Well…I'm…not good with these kinds of things, since I don't usually…like to…bring up how I actually feel, but…I…well, I don't even know how to explain it," I laughed breathlessly, "but…I'm not lying when I say that, and I don't know how I could prove it, either, since you don't seem like you believe a word I say, lately, since…things like this…they don't really make any sense, do they?" I stopped to breathe, since it seemed like I couldn't get any air in my lungs. "But…I like you!" I exclaimed, suddenly gaining confidence to go a bit further. "And when we kissed, it was amazing, and…I can't help but feel like I want to be closer to you all the time, and I know I probably look like a crazy person right now, and I-"

My words were cut short by his mouth on mine.

"I believe you," he whispered against my lips.

I looked up into his eyes. That cold, hard steel had become sparkling pools of silver.

A smile slowly spread across my face, and I felt like I could breathe again. Happy, overjoyed, ecstatic, delighted, elated, thrilled, blissful…I could list every word in the dictionary that could describe how I felt, but none of them would be enough.

I pressed our lips back together, and I felt like I was surrounded in a ray of sunshine. Oh, those were his arms around me.

"So…what does this mean?" I asked, after we'd made our way into my room.

"No idea."

"Well…what are we, now?"

"No idea."

I smiled. "You're helpful. There's going to be such an uproar," I murmured after a moment, looking into his eyes mischievously.

"Who cares?" he shrugged.

I raised my eyebrows. "Usually you do."

He smirked, pulling me into his lap, "It'd be worth it."

I didn't register his words at first. "What?"

"It'd be worth it. More than just worth it, actually," he mused.

I was glad he couldn't see my face, so he couldn't see the blush that crept up to color my cheeks. I cleared my throat, "Oh?"

"Definitely." He began playing with a stray lock of my hair. "I hate to sound obsessive, but -"

"Actually, most girls like it when boys are obsessive."

I heard him chuckle. "Well then it works, doesn't it?"

"Definitely," I giggled. "So what, do all the couple-y things start now, or what?"

"Only if you want them to."

_He's kidding, right?_

I turned to face him, my incredulous expression not masked, "You're kidding, right?"

"…No?"

"_Obviously_ I want them to start! I didn't make a fool out of myself going on about Love for nothing, did I?"

"Love?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, I-um, well, I-I-I didn't mean it like-like that," I stuttered, embarrassed by my careless choice of words.

He didn't bother hiding his laughter.

"What?" I asked, exasperated.

"Nothing. I just always thought it was funny when you trip over your words. It's adorable, too," he whispered the last part in my ear.

I was reminded of a time when we'd first met. He'd accidently called me cute when I was annoyed at him for something. "So you get a kick out of me when I'm pissed off, too, huh?"

"Yep," he murmured against my cheek, "It's kind of fucked up, but you looked amazing while you were cussing me out."

I laughed, pulling his arm tighter around my midsection. "Interesting."

I would blame it on the fact that we'd – finally – just admitted our feelings to each other, so we were rather touchy-feely.

We sat in silence for a while, just basking in each other's presence, while he stroked his fingers through my hair, and I traced random patterns on his arms. It was a comfortable silence, and for once, I didn't feel the need to fill it with my mindless chatter.

"You know, we're talking about absolutely nothing, and it's still not boring or anything," I pointed out.

"True. You're not exactly a boring person, so that could have something to do with it."

"Give yourself more credit. I wouldn't be talking to you now if you weren't interesting."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You got that whole mysterious emo thing going on. It's very attractive."

"Oh?" He asked again, turning me so I was facing him.

"Very."

"Well your whole Girl-Next-Door image is rather misleading."

"Girl-Next-Door? How? And how is it misleading?"

"You're very…innocent-looking," he smiled at my mock insulted expression, "but I know for a fact that's not entirely true."

"Oh, with all the cutting and depression? Yeah, I guess." _And the sex dreams,_ I added mentally.

He laughed. I marveled at the sound. It was lovely, now that I paid attention to it; it had a deep timbre, and I felt the vibrations it sent through his chest.

"Well, yeah. And the cursing and the slander…" his eyes veered off to the side as he listed things.

"Hey, you do that, too!" I pointed an accusatory finger to his chest, and he unfurled my small fist, taking it in his hand.

"Yes, but I'm a mysterious emo," he replied.

"Fine," I said simply, more distracted than I should have been by the way our hands looked together, fingers intertwined, to argue.

I eventually regained cognitive function, bringing up the matter at hand, "Well, we might as well beat the Rumor Mill to it, and just be up-front about everything."

"True."

"So how should we do it?" My voice became dramatic, "Declare our undying love with a session of PDA for all the student body to see?"

He scoffed. "How about not? Just if anyone asks, be honest."

"That's _way_ different than telling everyone."

"So?"

"I thought I was 'worth it' or something stupid like that." _Oh, crap, that sounds mean. Why am I so anti-heartfelt-things?_

"Well," he smiled a tiny smile and pressed our foreheads together, effectively vaporizing my train of thought. "It's definitely not a lie."

I stared up at him, at his eyes radiating this special warmth I'd never seen before. I tilted my head up, eyes fluttering closed.

We were there, kissing for what seemed like forever. There was nothing rushed about it, it was just…sweet. Like a perfect romance movie moment.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

_*So today's the day, huh?*_

_*I guess. What do you think everyone's going to do?*_

_*Start a riot, but who cares, right?*_

_*Not me*_

_*Because I'm just so amazing?*_

_*Of course*_

_*Haha, thanks. Hey, meet me by our first period when you get there*_

_*Sure*_

I smiled, tucking my cell phone back in my pocket. I was a little apprehensive about today, but in all honesty, I thought things were going pretty fucking awesome. I'd neglected to tell Shelby or Emily about a thing, and I was planning on waiting to tell them along with everyone else. But if I was feeling nice, I'd tell them this morning.

I jogged to my car, turning the heat on as soon as possible. I cringed. It was blowing cold air at me for the time being. Before, I'd managed to get the key in the ignition after a few tries, since my hands were shaking so badly – along with my entire body.

I turned up the radio, singing along to a random pop song, trying to distract myself from my lack of heat.

I finally warmed up – as soon as I pulled into the parking lot, of course – so I sat, attempting to salvage what little benefit I could from it. I gave up after a minute or two, though. My entire body burst into shudders as soon as I left the car.

God, I hated Winter.

"Hey."

I turned. "H-hey. What are you doing? I thought w-we were going to meet over by-"

"Didn't want pneumonia," he smirked.

"Reasonable," I shivered. "Well, I guess-s if w-we walk ont-to campus together, th-that'll make things e-easier."

He gave me a look before sliding his jacket onto my shoulders. It was ridiculously warm, and had a faint, delicious scent. I was touched, to be quite honest. It was a total cliché, but I loved it. "Wait, no put it back on!" I pushed it back towards him, tremors rocking through my shoulders. "You'll get sick or-r something!"

"High immunity," he replied nonchalantly.

"I don't care! I'm f-fine, I'm cold, but I won't c-catch somethin-ng. I actually get co-old very easily, s-sometimes I'll be q-quite cold on ver-ry sunny – w-wait never mind," I shook my head, "No, p-put it back on." I didn't even notice how screwed up my speech was.

He stared at me for a long while, before sighing and shrugging it back on.

"See? I'm f-f-fine." _Why, stutter, why?_

He looked at me, doubt clouding his features. "Fine, here," he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.

"Holy shit, you're warm," I mumbled, moving closer towards him.

He chuckled, rubbing my arms to create friction. "It'll be rather difficult if we walk like this."

"Difficult is not a problem for me," I said quickly. "Plus, we're not the only ones doing it," I gestured to a few other groups with the same idea.

_And who cares if we're seen together like this? _The thought was unspoken, but we both seemed to be thinking it.

He shrugged, and we walked like that, with me leading the way to Shelby and Emily. It had occurred to me that Emily still didn't know Alex – which I found kind of funny – so I figured now was as good a time as ever. Plus, he'd put me in a good mood, so I felt like being nice.

"Oh, I'm going to have you meet my friend Emily. Oh, and you don't really know Shelby, either, huh?"

"No. Uh, can I bail on this?"

"No!" I cried, indignantly.

He chuckled, "Worth it," he whispered, causing me to blush.

"Hey, Em," I smiled, taking in her expression at the sight of us together.

"I don't believe we've met," Alex said, smiling at her.

"Um, no," she mumbled, eyes wide.

"Okay, so this is Emily," I gestured to her slender form, bundled in fuzzy, very warm-looking, accessories. "She'd not very fluent in Innuendo, is scared of asking out guys-"

"I am not!"

"Is very competitive, and is good at catching you when you're bullshitting. I miss anything?"

"You forgot that I have a tendency to go for gay guys," she added dryly.

"Oh, yeah," I giggled. "And this is Shelby. Sociopath, ADHD, I'm not quite sure about her sexuality, but she's pretty awesome, so it's cool."

"Yep!"

"I love how you ignore everything else I just said."

"What did you say before that?" She asked, legitimately confused.

"ADHD. Don't worry about it," I smiled. "So, I bet you guys are happy your plan worked or whatever."

"Oh…about that…" Shelby fidgeted.

"Yeah…There was never any plan," Emily told me.

"…What?"

"We didn't actually come up with a plan. We were going to see if you guys would figure it out for yourselves."

"Yeah, we were going to give you a few days or so, and _then_ intervene, but I guess it's fine, so whatever," Shelby shrugged.

"So you're saying that I freaked out _that_ much, _all that time_…for _nothing?_"

"Yeah, pretty much," Shelby smiled.

"I'm going to kill you both."

"Quick, Emily, distract her!"

"What? I don't know-"

"So! Has Jamie told you about the dreams?" Shelby asked Alex.

Emily started cracking up next to her at the mention of the dreams, though she tried to hide it.

"No…What dreams?"

I gave Shelby a look. "Nothing, she's just an idiot, ignore her-"

"You mean you haven't told him?"

"There's nothing to tell!"

She just smirked, with a tell-tale look that told me she would spill every detail – and probably a few extras – to him sometime when I couldn't stop her.

I sighed, somewhat vocalizing that I knew I'd lost before the fight had even began.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, now that I'm looking at the chapters I make, I can't help but wonder if I'm offending any gay/lesbian readers. It just seems like I always make jokes about that, since I'm just one of those kinds of people who makes jokes that aren't always completely inoffensive. It's weird, 'cause I'm actually pro-gay, but I couldn't care less about someone's preferences you know? I actually can't stand it when people make a big deal about it, and-**

**I'm gonna go into a tangent, so never mind. Anyway, for any of my readers who are gay/lesbian, I just want to know if anything that I ever say in this story offends you or anything, 'cause it's been bothering me, and I've been getting a bit worried.**

**Hey, hey, hey! You guys might want to read this, because it could mean something very good for you (; You know the song Jamie was slowly becoming obsessed with? Yeah, well if you guys can figure out which one it is, I'll write you a one-shot of your choice! Just PM me the song and artist, along with your one-shot idea, and if you're the first one to get it right, I'll write and publish it, 100% dedicated to you! :D Those of you that share my taste in music, and recognized it when I first wrote it in, I love you. Just saying. And I really recommend listening to the song, whether you win or not, since I can honestly say it brings me to tears more often than not (even with my lack of having any relationships to cry about) and it's truly a very beautiful song. (Watch the video, it makes it more moving.)**

**New topic! There was some major shit going down in this chapter! Maddie and Jamie fighting (don't worry Maddie, I still love you, haha), Emily and her possible suitor(s), Shelby and her crazy plotting (or not plotting)…Yeah, I think that's everything. OH WAIT! Jamie and Alex got together. Fucking FINALLY! God, even I was starting to get annoyed at myself and be like, "Oh, just tell each other already!" Anyway, I attempted to make it realistic, since I have no romantic experience (only been alive 13 years) but tell me what you guys think.**

**And I made a small ode to my love for Pete Wentz and Frank Iero (though mostly for my lovely Frankie, haha, *fangirl squee*). Emily knows of my loves, even though they're like 20 years older than me. Believe me, when I found out I nearly curled up in a ball and cried. Well…maybe not…but I felt very sad, okay? And it's not fair, 'cause they don't look their age! D: Anyway, don't listen to me rant about that, before I start talking about Frerard.**

**And, since you're more likely to read the bottom AN than the one at the beginning of the chapter, I will say it again. Alex is all perfect-looking for a reason. Jamie spent a while checking him out, right? I mean, he's built **_**nice**_**. But, yes there's a reason, not just me being shallow. AND he's very observant! There's a reason for that, as well, but I will not tell you now!**

**Anyways, I can't think of much to say, now, which is strange, but you guys better Review and all that good shit, or I'll hunt you down. Just a smiley face or something if you don't want to actually write anything, but seriously, and I've said this before, Reviews give me street cred, so to speak, so I need them! Anyways, lots of virtual hearts (and hugs!) and GO READ AND REVIEW MY LITTLE PREFACE THINGY! HAHA CAPS LOCK!**


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